Undone(29)

It was so tempting to just go to the police and let them handle it. But I couldn’t do it to Kai. I couldn’t humiliate him even more, even if he wasn’t around to see it.

It dawned on me that I couldn’t tell anyone, because they might not be as worried about Kai’s dignity as I was. Louise was the only other person I knew for sure would never tell the police in a million years. But those three were her friends. Even if I could convince her they were the ones who’d done this to Kai, she wouldn’t risk everything to punish them. There was no way.

So it was left to me. A complete nobody. Somehow this nobody was going to have to find a way to take down three of the most popular boys in school. And I would do it. No matter what I had to do or how long it took, I would do it.

From the outside it looked like they were impossible to get to. It would be so much easier if I knew more about them – knew their weaknesses rather than their strengths. There was only so much information you could glean from staring at people in the canteen every lunchtime.

And I was just one person – a friendless person at that. I came up with a few lame ideas to humiliate them, but dismissed them straight away. I didn’t want to rush in and do the wrong thing. I was willing to bide my time.

As it happened, I didn’t have to wait long at all.





chapter nineteen


It was basic science; all it took was a catalyst to start the reaction. It was kind of fitting that the catalyst appeared in the science block a few days after the note had been delivered.

Since the start of term I’d got into the habit of going to the toilets at break time to check my face was looking OK. This isn’t as vain as it sounds. Well, it sort of is as vain as it sounds, actually, but it was also an opportunity to escape from people. I always went to the toilets in the science block because they were the quietest. The other ones were usually invaded by gangs of girls fighting for mirror space. I could just imagine the looks they’d give me if I sidled up to them and got out my make-up bag. (Yes, I had a bag now. The pencil case had returned to its original purpose in life and I’d borrowed a little zipup purse thing from Mum. She had a whole drawer full of stuff like that, so I figured she wouldn’t miss it.)

That morning I headed to the science block, struggling through the hordes, swimming against the tide making for the cafeteria. When I got to the toilets I bent down to check the stalls were empty. Since the start of term I had never once come across anyone else in there. Those toilets were a haven of peace and quiet in the madhouse. Shame they smelled so bad, really. There was a notice on the door saying something about a problem with the drains. Thinking about it, that’s probably the reason they were always deserted. I put my make-up bag next to the sink furthest from the door and inspected myself in the mirror. My reflection still shocked me. There was still that fraction of a second where I thought I was looking at someone else. But then I saw me. I was there, lurking under the surface. Trying not to drown down there.

The door slammed open, making me drop my powder in the sink. An explosion of beige. It was Sasha Evans, and she looked as surprised to see me as I was to see her.

She was breathing hard. Tears streaked her face. Her hair still looked perfect though, and her crying wasn’t ugly in the way mine is. She cried like someone in a glossy soap opera set in Los Angeles. I cry like someone off EastEnders.

Sasha stayed by the door and I stayed by the sink, and at first we said nothing. Then it got weird that no one was saying anything, so I broke the silence. ‘Are you OK?’ I could have kicked myself. I didn’t care if she was OK. She was Sasha Evans – of course she was OK. The tears were probably over some chipped nail varnish or a broken clasp on her very expensive bag.

She wiped at her tears with her dainty little fingers. ‘I’m fine. Thank you.’ Her voice wasn’t cold, exactly. It was tepid. Neutral.

‘OK.’ I turned on the tap and swooshed water around the sink to clear up the powder. I watched it swirling down the plughole. There goes at least twenty quid’s worth. I’d have to go to the shop after school and replace it. Just as well I still had some Christmas money left over – otherwise I’d be asking Sasha to pay up. (Who was I kidding? I would never, ever have asked her such a thing.)

Sasha went into a stall and came out with some toilet paper. She dabbed it around her eyes, careful not to smudge her mascara. It seemed like the tears had stopped for now.

‘What are you looking at?’

‘Nothing.’ I did my best to adopt her neutral tone instead of responding to this slightly more aggressive one.

Sasha sighed in a deeply dramatic way. ‘I’m sorry. And I’m sorry about that.’ She waved a hand at the sink. Nice of her to notice. ‘I’m just . . . I wasn’t expecting anyone to be in here. No one’s ever in here and I wanted to be alone.’

‘You and me both.’ I turned away so I was looking in the mirror. It was easier to talk to her when I didn’t have to look at her. I ran my fingers through my hair just for something to do.

‘Sorry. Let me just get my shit together and I’ll leave you to it.’ There was something different in her voice. Something slightly warmer, maybe?

I shrugged. ‘You don’t have to. It’s a free country.’

Sasha snorted and I wasn’t sure what to make of that, so I had to look at her after all. The snort was a laugh. A stifled, snotty sort of laugh. ‘What’s so funny?’