The True Cowboy of Sunset Ridge (Gold Valley #14)(49)

“That’s nice. I mean, that’s nice of you to say.”

“But you don’t believe me.”

“I just know that he wouldn’t have been in the rodeo in the first place if it weren’t for me.”

She reached out and put her hand on his. “It sounds to me like he might have been in prison or dead long before he ever got to twenty-two if it weren’t for you.”

He closed his eyes. “You know, I used to think... You couldn’t outrun your fate. And maybe that’s true. Maybe it is just fate.”

“But you feel responsible somehow anyway.”

He shrugged. “None of it’s logical, is it? Why do we do anything we do, or think anything we think?”

“Yeah, why do we stay with someone who makes a random guy buying half-and-half seem like a miraculous gesture? I guess that’s the question.”

“Honestly, the question of why we hooked up... In the entire array of questions, that’s a very easy one.”

“It is.”

She stuffed the last of her second fajita into her mouth and set about building another one. She was suddenly very sad, and she felt like her feelings would pair nicely with overindulgence.

“Are you going back up to the cabin tonight?”

“How about I stay here? I mean, until everything is settled. Until you feel a little bit more comfortable with her and with preparing bottles in the middle of the night...”

“Sounds good. Is there anything you need in the bedroom?”

“No. But... I might go back up and grab an overnight bag.”

“Okay.”

She let out a long, slow breath. “I’m really not propositioning you.”

“I believe it.”

“This is a lot.”

“Look, Mallory,” he said, his voice rough. “Before you... Since Trent died, I haven’t even been tempted to be with someone. There’s something about you...”

“But you don’t want it to be there.”

“I can’t offer you anything.”

She considered that for a beat. “I don’t want anything.”

Except...

She wanted him. She wanted him in spite of everything. In spite of everything she knew to be right.

“Okay. I’ll be back.”

She headed out toward her car, and she took a breath. It had been hot the last few days, and now it seemed like there might be a storm coming in. She took a breath and tried to get a handle on herself. Wanting him did not mean having him. There was Lily to think about. And honestly... Just both of them. It was a minefield. The two of them were. And wanting each other didn’t have to make it difficult. And it didn’t have to matter quite so much.

She had to laugh though, because her entire intent in moving here had been to get out there and experience life. Had been to get out there and experience something other than the kind of fake domesticity she’d been living in for so long. And what had she stumbled into? Taking care of a baby. Playing house with a handsome man.

And so the one thing you absolutely must not do is sleep with him again.

Renewed, she drove back up to the cabin and collected her things.

She was going to make sure that Lily was taken care of. And that was the bottom line of all of this. It wasn’t about her; it wasn’t about Colt. It was about Lily. And she was committed to ensuring that Lily got the best care possible.

It was easy to shove her feelings to the side when she kept that in the foreground.

And she would just have to keep on doing that. As many times as it took.

She was just about to walk out the door when her cell phone buzzed in her pocket. She sighed and picked it up without looking at it first.

“Hello?”

“Mallory.”

She felt like she was having a short circuit. So she just stood there. “Jared?”

“Yes. Why have you been being so ridiculous? You should pick up when I call.”

“Oh. Should I?”

“Yes,” he said. “For all I know you’re dead somewhere.”

“I mean, obviously I’m not.”

And she waited. Waited for the things she was afraid of. Waited for the reason that she had fled to Oregon to appear, blooming in her chest like a great growling monster. Longing. Nostalgia. All the things that she was afraid would send her back into his arms.

Except... It made her want to laugh. She couldn’t even fathom it. It wasn’t because of half-and-half.

But she was here now. And she was already more enmeshed, more involved in this life than she had been in that previous life of fifteen years. She was so... Active right now. She was caring for a baby. She had just talked about deep, dark wounds over Mexican food with a man who made her feel flushed and ridiculous. A man she couldn’t touch again, but the fact remained, he made her feel those things. And that night they’d been together, he made her feel all kinds of things that she hadn’t known that she would ever be able to feel. Thing she had thought were beyond her.

Because of the man she was on the phone with. He made her feel broken. He’d made her feel like there was something wrong with her. And... And then there was Colt.

Colt made her feel beautiful.

Even though that part of their relationship had concluded, sitting next to him made her feel a kind of feminine that she never had in her life before. That man...