The True Cowboy of Sunset Ridge (Gold Valley #14)(54)

“Nothing is happening now. Okay, you know how Rose said that she thought she saw me in the saloon before you found out I was in town?”

“Yes,” she said slowly.

“It was me. I came into town, I hadn’t talked to anyone yet. I was really messed up from the breakup.” She cleared her throat. “Well I... I met Colt.”

“Oh my gosh.”

“Yes. And then... Everything.”

“Oh my gosh,” Iris repeated.

“Yes. But... Now we’re taking care of Lily.”

“A little tip about wounded men,” Iris said. “They get under your skin quicker than you could believe.”

Iris was talking about Mallory’s brother. Obviously.

Mallory looked down determinedly at Lily. “It’s not like that. I like him. I really do. But I need...” She looked back up at Iris. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I need. I’m here to figure it out.” Those ugly feelings rolled around inside of her. Those ones that she felt earlier. The last time she’d talked to Iris. “I think I’m jealous of you, Iris.”

“What?”

Mallory hadn’t expected the words to come out of her mouth, and she could tell that Iris really hadn’t expected to hear them.

“It’s just... You... You got to Griffin in a way that I never could.”

“Well, trying to be delicate about it, Mallory, there are aspects of my relationship with Griffin that are...”

“Look, I know. It’s romantic. And you love each other that way. I get it. It’s just... I love Griffin. Very much. He was my idol growing up. And you have no idea how much I missed him when he was gone. But he didn’t want me to come see him. He barely called me back. And I am grateful to you. Forever. For pulling him out of that pit. I really am. But I just wish that I...”

She had wanted to redeem herself by fixing him. Because...above all else she felt like she’d failed. In the most important relationship she could have had.

That she’d failed to bring her baby safely into the world.

And she had wanted, so very badly, to bring her brother back. As if that might be some form of atonement.

It didn’t matter that she knew, intellectually, that Lucy’s death hadn’t been her fault.

She felt like it was.

Iris put her hand on Mallory’s. “I understand. Believe me. As someone who spent a lot of her life being afraid she wasn’t enough... There are moments and places and people that can unlock things inside of you. But just because Griffin started healing after he and I met, it doesn’t mean what came before wasn’t enough. Sometimes you have to prepare the soil before you try to plant anything in it. And I really do believe in my heart that if you hadn’t worked on Griffin the way that you did, if you hadn’t loved him the way that you did, he never would have been ready for me.”

“Oh,” Mallory said, her eyes filling with tears. “I just... Iris I feel so guilty even thinking that. I should just be happy he’s okay...”

“Don’t feel guilty. Do you have any idea how... Ridiculously sad I was that I was the last person in my family not to be paired up? I couldn’t even be as happy for them as I wanted to be.”

“Well, you weren’t the last.”

“No.” She looked back toward the kitchen. “Colt is kind of a special case, you know. I don’t know that any of us really knows him. He used to be so happy. But I don’t know that that was ever real. And now that I realize that... It makes me sad. It really does. It’s obvious now that there’s something wrong, but we all knew. And for years... We’re both each other’s biggest champions, and sometimes each other’s own worst enablers. We know what each other went through, and we make a lot of assumptions about what each other feels. And sometimes that’s good. But sometimes... Sometimes I don’t think it helps.”

“You must help each other well enough. If you didn’t none of you would be quite this functional.”

“Well. I guess we function okay. Though, we kind of arrived to a functional place dramatically.”

“I’m starting to think that maybe none of us make it without a little drama.”

Iris wrapped her arm around Mallory. “Well, one thing I know for sure, is that all the drama I’ve been through in life has been worth it to get where I am. It’s made me who I am. And as difficult as everything that I... It’s why I was able to be there for him. And like I said, I really do think the reason he was able to accept that was because of his family. Because of you. Because of the way you loved him. Even when he couldn’t quite accept it.”

“Thank you,” Mallory said.

“And I love my cousin. If you could quite possibly help him heal...” She shook her head. “That’s not fair. I know you’re here to deal with your own self, not heal Colt.”

“But I seem to be in the middle of all this, regardless.”

Iris laughed. “True.” She reached out and stroked Lily’s cheek. “She’s beautiful. You look so natural with her. I hope that I’m as good with babies. I don’t have a lot of experience with babies. Even though I am the oldest girl. When they were tiny babies... I know a lot about little kids. That, I’m good with.”

“Do you want to hold her?”