The True Cowboy of Sunset Ridge (Gold Valley #14)(58)

“Lily...”

“Asleep,” he said, his voice rough.

“And the...”

“Baby monitor is on.”

It was her last moment of sanity before she dissolved completely, so she’d decided to use it to try and be responsible. But that was over now. Because she was naked, held against his firm body as he kissed her deep. As he walked her toward the bathroom that connected to his bedroom. He turned the shower on, and then stripped off his jeans, boots and underwear. He divested her of her shoes, and as soon as the water was warm, he dragged her in beneath the spray. Their bodies were slick, and she wiggled against him, reveling in being skin to skin with him again. Finally.

She stepped back, admiring the view of his naked body.

“I didn’t imagine it,” she said.

“What?”

“How... Sexy you are,” she said. “Sorry. That sounded a little bit... Cheesy?”

“Nothing that you could do or say right now would be cheesy to me,” he said, looking down at his rock-hard arousal. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, and then there was no more talking. It was all hands over water-slick skin, and deep groans of desire. He pressed her firmly against the wall, and slid his hand down her ass, squeezing her tightly before moving down to her thigh and lifting her to get up off the ground. Then she felt him push against the entrance to her body. And she gasped as he thrust deep inside. He cupped her face, his forehead pressed against hers, his eyes never wavering as he thrust deep and hard into her. She’d always thought shower sex sounded like it was overrated. Like something perilous and more trouble than it was worth. But...

She had been wrong. Because with Colt it was wonderful. With Colt...

It wasn’t a question of making the decision to be here. Making the decision to do this. It was about being swept up in the moment. Utterly. Completely.

And then, everything reduced. To the slide of him inside her, to the feel of his hands bracing her. To the sight of those electric blue eyes boring into hers. The water on his skin and the smell of him. Soap and the sound of the water, the sound of their bodies moving against each other. She was made entirely of feeling. Of passion. And for someone who had been all about the feelings of others for so very long, not because she was so good, but because she needed to find ways to make herself important, just accepting that she was enough in this moment was a bright and brilliant triumph.

Pleasure rioted through her, and suddenly she couldn’t think anymore. She could barely breathe. She dug her fingernails into his shoulders and clung to him as he thrust inside her. And when she cried out her release, it reverberated over the shower walls. He growled out his own, and when it was done, they were breathing hard. He shut the water off, wrapped her in a towel and carried her back to the bed. She lay on her back, staring at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Why?” she mumbled, sleepy now.

“I didn’t use a condom. I swear to you, I have never done that before.”

She had a moment of panic. Where her stomach hollowed out and she felt fifteen. Even though she knew she didn’t need to. Even though she knew she was protected.

But she doubled up. It was just what she did. It only took one unplanned pregnancy to make her hugely paranoid.

But she was on the pill. It was okay. It would be okay.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m on the pill, and I...” She didn’t really want to have this conversation. This was probably part of why she’d stayed in the relationship she had. There were things you didn’t have to talk about. “I always made him use one. Because I didn’t trust him. And it turns out I was right to do that. And I really wanted to make sure that I didn’t get pregnant. So, there was always doubling up.”

“Good,” he said.

Weirdly, she did not feel paranoid about Colt at all. Either health or safety or getting pregnant with his baby.

The very idea made her dizzy. Because she felt like she could... Handle this. Like if she were to get pregnant, even if he didn’t stay with her, it would be fine.

She wanted a child. She did. Someday, even if not now. But it wouldn’t be bad if she had a child now. Colt would be a good father. And they’d figure something out. He was a good man.

Not light or easy, but... What could she do but laugh?

“What?”

“No matter what... No matter what happens in my life... I’m going to be okay now. And that makes everything feel a lot less scary.”

He rolled over onto his stomach and made a low, masculine sound. “What’s that like?”

It was clear that he was tired, and she reached over and pushed his hair off his face. The familiarity didn’t dampen her desire for him, and she had expected it to. That once he wasn’t the fantasy object, it would be different. And it was. It was something deeper. Something more intense. And she couldn’t really articulate what it was.

Or you don’t want to.

“It feels pretty good, Colt,” she said. “Because if you can get happy with yourself, apparently everything else... Feels manageable.”

“What if you think you might be a mistake in the world?”

The words stopped her breath. But before she could say anything, his eyes closed, and his breathing deepened too. She looked at his muscled body, sprawled out over the bed. And she knew that they weren’t actually at peace here. Because he was still angry with her. Of course he was. He was still mad that she had talked to the doctor, and she couldn’t really blame him. And they needed to discuss it, eventually. They just would have to. It was nonnegotiable. But right now, everything was paused. Because they’d given in to this desire between them, and that was a good thing. It was. It made her feel rested. At peace. Happy. And in the moment, it was something she could take, even knowing that eventually they were going to have to deal with reality again.