The True Cowboy of Sunset Ridge (Gold Valley #14)(61)

“I just... I’m a little bit worried about you.”

“Why?”

“You’re off... Playing house with her cousin. And it concerns me, because you just got out of a relationship. And this baby... The baby is going to have to go back to her mother.”

“I know that,” she said. “I do. And I’m not playing house with him. I... I’m actually very aware that sometimes it feels like that. But that isn’t what’s happening. And I’m thirty years old, Griffin. I’m not a kid. I get that you feel protective of me because of the whole thing with Jared.”

“I don’t necessarily trust your decision-making skills.”

That stung. And she felt rage turn in her gut. At the beginning of all of this, she might have given him that. She really might have. Because she had felt pretty damn bad about her own decisions. She hadn’t felt that awesome about her own stake in the things that she’d done with her life that had made it suck. And she knew... She knew that she had made bad choices. But... How dare he? How dare he, particularly after she had such a great realization last night.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “What gives you the right to comment on my decision-making, Griffin? Because it’s a lot of commenting. You completely cut yourself out of my life for five years.”

“I was going through something,” he said, his tone dark.

“I know that. I know, and I’m not angry at you. Except... I don’t know how you can possibly tell me that I did something wrong when you haven’t been in my life for a...a long time. You don’t know what I’ve been through, or how I’ve grown. You were dealing with your own pain, and I get that, but I wasn’t frozen while you were gone. I was growing and changing and figuring out what I wanted. I’m the one that made the decision to fix things. And I didn’t do it because of the snide comments that you made about him. And whatever I do now is not going to be because of the comments you make either.”

“Mallory... That’s not what I meant. I’m just concerned about you.”

“Why? Are you... You have worries about what?”

“I just don’t want you getting involved with him...”

“You don’t want me to sleep with him.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I have slept with him. Already. So you can just chill out.”

He closed his eyes. “Iris told me that you... That you met him a particular way.”

“Look at you,” she said. “Such a prude. It’s not really any of your business. Yes, I met him a certain kind of way. And... Things are continuing in that vein. But I’m not a child. And I’m not stupid. And I deserve... I deserve to be happy. So what—you met Iris and the two of you shook hands?”

“You know that’s not true.”

“Oh, okay. So, you’re allowed to meet somebody and start a physical relationship with them, but I’m in danger of hurting myself. You, who were in a pretty terrible place in life, were totally able to make your own choices.”

“No,” he said. “And Iris probably should’ve stayed away from me, frankly.”

“But she didn’t.”

“Yes,” he said. “But I’m not... I shouldn’t be the poster child for who you think can be redeemed. That’s what worries me. You’re always trying to save people. You’re always trying to rescue them. Me. Jared. Everybody that you work with. That’s what you do, Mallory. And you came here to rescue yourself. And I’m just worried that you’re caught up in the rescue mission. I’m not saying that I’m better than you. I’m not. What I’m saying is that I see how tender you are. And I see how you can get hurt here. And I don’t want that.”

She swallowed hard. “I get that. And I get that you’re coming from a good place, Griffin. I do. But what is the point of living if all we’re doing is protecting ourselves? If that was the point of living, then you should have just stayed at the top of the mountain by yourself, shouldn’t you?”

He didn’t say anything for a long time. “Yeah, I guess it’s easier for me to imagine risking myself than it is to worry about you being hurt.”

“I might be,” she said. “I know I’m going to be sad when Lily leaves. And it’s complicated. Because I’m rooting for her mother. I want for this to be something that’s fixable. I want for it to be something that can be redeemed. But I’m also... Desperately attached to that little girl. And I’m going to be really sad when she has to go. But I’m not going to regret loving her. Because it was a choice that I made. And this was something that I actually decided on. That was the thing with Jared. I quit making choices. And I just kind of let myself sit there and forget everything. I just kind of let myself forget that I was in control of my life. I made one choice and I just kind of sat with it. I know what I’m getting into with Colt. I’m not fifteen. The first time I was with Jared I was too young to understand that I didn’t have to try to make it forever. And I could never quite... I could never quite come to the conclusion that it was okay if it didn’t last. By the time I didn’t care anymore, I had quit thinking about it. But everything here I’ve gone to willingly. And I’m happy with that. Whatever happens. I hope you can understand that. And I hope that you can respect it even if it does concern you.”