The Resurrection of Aubrey Miller(55)

The first time that Quinn’s parents were introduced to Raven. After they got over their initial shock, they let me know that Quinn would not be returning to school. They completely stripped her room, leaving it bereft of all things pink and sparkly, before heading to the office to pay the remainder of her lease. I felt nothing but comforted as I watched them leave. Her absence would allow me the room I needed to completely disappear.
The first time I changed the locks and denied Kaeleb entrance to the apartment. He banged on the door and screamed for me to let him in for hours. I never answered though. Not the first time. Not the second. And eventually after many other unsuccessful attempts, he finally stopped coming by.
The first time that I bought alcohol with the fake I.D. Quinn gave me and brought it to the apartment with me, finishing off the fifth of vodka in record time.
The first time I missed classes, ever, due to a weeklong bender.
The first time I accepted the recurring invitation to party at my * lab partner’s place, only it ended up just being the two of us.
The first time I had sex, losing my virginity to said lab partner, remembering nothing but sloppy kisses, rough hands, waking up sore the next morning, and finding a used condom on the bedside table. I threw up as soon as I got home.
The first time I ran into Sabrina, who had the audacity to half-heartedly apologize for what happened at the club. I told myself it had nothing to do with Quinn when I kindly instructed her to f*ck off.
The first time I saw Kaeleb on campus as I passed through the cafeteria, laughing with a group of guys at a table across the room. I slunk back into the crowd, but watched him for a while, trying to convince myself that I was happy he had seemingly moved on.
The first time I received a D in two of my classes. The professors harped on the fact that mandatory attendance was required and explained that I could retake the classes next semester. Who knew?
The first time I stayed on campus during the summer, avoiding Linda who was recuperating after multiple surgeries. She called often, which I avoided, but I would always text her back, letting her know that I received her messages. I always apologized for not being able to be there and she believed me when I told her the reason was summer school.
I don’t remember much other than those specific items as I entered my junior year.
I continued to walk through life unseen, hidden and tucked safely inside my darkness.

Junior Year


Chapter Twenty-Six

Session 32:
(Four Months ago, the first week of classes)
Palmer: Uh, hello. It’s been a while. Please come in.
Me: (Sits on couch) Yeah.
Palmer: (Takes seat in front of me) Well, I’m very surprised by your appearance, to say the least. The last time I saw you, you looked…different.
Me: (Pushes the blanket to the edge of the couch) Yeah.
Palmer: (Narrows eyes) Do you have a problem with the blanket?
Me: Oddly enough I do. It used to be comforting to me, now I just want to burn it.
Palmer: (Raises eyebrows) Hmmm. Well, how is Kaeleb?
Me: Haven’t seen him.
Palmer: Why is that?
Me: (Inhales deeply) It’s for the best.
Palmer: (Nods) I see. And Linda?
Me: She’s dying.
Palmer: (Nods again) Yes, I’m aware. How is she?
Me: As well as can be expected, I guess.
Palmer: (Exhales) And Quinn?
Me: She’s gone. Surely you know about her suicide attempt.
Palmer: I do. Just wondering how she’s doing.
Me: Well, I have no answers for you there.
Palmer: Okay. (Shifts in seat) Want to tell my why you’ve gone back to using Raven as your identity?
Me: (Scoffs) Well, isn’t it obvious Doc? I mean, Linda’s dying. Quinn almost died. Aubrey had to be buried. End of story.
Palmer: (Nods) Do you think she will ever be brought back to life?
Me: Nope. Never.
Session 34:
(Approximately two months ago)
Palmer: You need to discuss everything that happened last year at some point. It’s unhealthy to keep it all inside.
Me: (Laughs) My health is the least of my concerns.
Palmer: (Narrows eyes) Well, you’re not giving me anything to go on here. I’m not sure why you insist on visiting. It’s obvious you seek no help from me.
Me: True. I’m not sure either. I’ll just be going.
Palmer: (Exhales as he rises) Well, I’m here if you need me. Like I told you, my door is always open. When and if you decide you want to discuss the true nature of your problems, instead of providing me with evasive answers to my questions, I can help you get through this particularly difficult point in your life. But you have to want to be helped. I can’t force that desire upon you.
Me: Yeah. (Turns and leaves)
Session 35:
(One day ago, the day before Winter Break)
Palmer: (Eyes wide) You’re back.
Me: I’m back.
Palmer: (Takes seat) I’m happy to see you. How are classes?
Me: Fine. Not much to do other than study. And drink. (Laughs)
Palmer: (Leans forward) Are you drunk now?
Me: Why yes. Yes, I am.
Palmer: How did you get here? Surely you didn’t drive.
Me: (Shakes head) Took a campus shuttle bus. Wouldn’t want to unnecessarily endanger people’s lives. Give me some credit.
Palmer: (Clenches jaw and reclines) Why exactly are you here then? After a full two months?
Me: (Laughs again) Because I finally figured it out, Doc. Why I insist on coming back here.
Palmer: Why is that?
Me: Well, you see, it’s twofold actually. The first reason is that I’m pissed.
Palmer: (Nods) That’s to be expected. What exactly are you pissed about?
Me: (Narrows eyes) I’m pissed at you actually.