Shut Out (Bayard Hockey #1)(78)
“You believe he didn’t rape her.”
“Fuck yeah.” Ben frowns at me. “I haven’t known the dude very long, but he’s the last guy who’d do something like that.”
Shame heats my belly. “Yes. You’re right.”
I should’ve known that better than anyone.
“I mean, he admits he was there and he was going to…well, you should hear it from him.” Ben eyes me with a cool expression. “You broke up with him because of that?”
Break up. How do you break up with someone who’s not really your boyfriend? But I can’t explain that to him. “Basically, yeah,” I admit.
“He just fought with a guy who was saying ugly things about your friend, and women in general. Jesus.” Ben gives me a disappointed look.
That burn in my belly intensifies. “I know I was wrong. I know what kind of guy he is. I need to tell him that and apologize.”
Ben eyes me and nods. “Good luck. And I say that because I think he really cares about you.”
He turns and strides back to the table. He cares about Jacob. That makes my heart hurt. Jacob didn’t even know these guys when he started at Bayard in September. He thought they hated him. They don’t hate him.
And Ben thinks Jacob cares about me?
My eyes sting and I have to blink back tears as I go take orders at another table.
Taisha notices that I’m upset. “Hey, girl, you okay?”
“Yeah. Just a little shaken up about something that happened today.”
I’d asked Taisha to go out for something to eat with me the other night. She and her friends already had plans to go for sushi, but she invited me along. It was fun hanging out with them. I told her a little about me and Jacob, that things were over and I was kind of bummed about it, so she was sympathetic.
“What happened?”
I tell her what I just heard about Jacob’s fight. “I’m worried about him. If he gets suspended…I don’t know what that’ll mean for him. He’s so worried about losing his hockey career…Long story.”
I know how much this means to him, and now I know why he was so afraid of losing it all. Why he was trying so hard to stay out of trouble. Only…he got in a fight because some jerk was being an * about Ella.
Will he be suspended? He can’t lose his hockey career because of that. It wouldn’t be right.
“Go on. Go to him. I’ll cover for you.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. It’s dead here.”
This is true. And right now Jacob’s home alone because his housemates are here. I go to the break room and grab my purse and coat and race out of there.
Chapter 29
Jacob
I’ve lost Skylar and now I’ve probably lost my hockey career.
Not only am I in danger of being suspended or kicked off the team, there’s no way in hell I can concentrate on studying. I have two exams on Wednesday and I’m staring blankly at my notes, sitting at my desk in my room. The blasting music of Kanye West probably isn’t helping me concentrate, but it suits my mood.
My head is aching and my right hand hurts like a mother, but apparently I didn’t break anything when it connected with Black Jack’s face. His nose, however, is definitely broken. This is not good.
Coach was pissed but calm when he met with me alone. He asked me to tell him what happened. I struggled with how much to say. I’m not a snitch, despite my loathing for Black Jack. But I admitted to hitting him. Coach listened without saying much. Then he nodded and said he’d have to discuss this with the head of the hockey program to see what should be done.
I get that.
I f*cked up. Again.
It all got to be too much for me. I miss Skylar. It f*cking hurts that she thinks so little of me, and I have to admit the reason it hurts so much is because I care. Goddammit. That night I went to see her I wanted to apologize for being a dick and getting scared and being selfish. I wanted to tell her how I really feel about her, hoping she might feel the same. What was happening between us wasn’t an act, no matter how many times we said it was.
But she hates my guts and that makes me want to puke.
On top of that, I didn’t play my best at the end of the season. Then that asshat Black Jack and his f*cking ugly comments and sense of entitlement and…The worse thing is, I see a little of myself in that attitude.
Embarrassment heats my veins, remembering the night I met Skylar and I was talking about the girls who were after me. God. No wonder she hadn’t been impressed with me. What a dipshit I was.
I lean my head back and close my eyes. Fuck. This is hopeless. I’m going to fail these exams and even if I don’t get some kind of punishment for what happened today, I’ll be out on my ass.
My eyes burn, like I’m about to cry.
Jesus. Sack up, dude. You can’t just let this happen.
I was in a tough situation before and I fought my way out of it. I worked my ass off all summer to improve my mental and physical conditioning. I moved here where I knew no one, to play for an unknown team and take college courses. I f*cking did it. I’m not going to give up now.
I rub my eyes and sit up straight.
I hear Skylar’s voice telling me sometimes you have to work hard for the things you want. She’s an example of that. Working her ass off to get good marks. Working her ass off to try to make her parents happy. Going through hell and coming out of it strong and brave and sweet.