Say You Love Me by J. S. Cooper
Prologue
Sally
Cody Brookstone. My first love. He’s my best friend’s brother. The man of my dreams. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted and yet, he barely knows I exist as more than a friend. He is the most handsome man I’ve ever seen in my life: all six feet? two inches of muscular brawn, dark blond hair, hazel eyes that go from green to brown on a whim, and a smile that lights up my heart. His very presence does things to me that I can’t explain. Cody Brookstone is the man I’ve had a crush on for what seems like forever. There are so many declarations I want to make to him. Declarations that make my heart flutter. Declarations like: “I will wait for you because I don’t want anyone else.”
“I will wait for you because I’m a fool.”
“I will wait for you because the feeling in my heart is greater than anything I’ve ever felt before in my life.”
“I will wait for you because the smile on your face makes me happy when I’m sad.”
“I will wait for you because I love you.”
I wanted to tell him all of those things. I wanted him to know how much I loved him. I wanted him to know I would wait a lifetime for him. I would have told him all of those things, too, if I thought it would mean anything. All I needed was for him to say he loved me. Three simple words. That’s all I needed. “I love you.” That’s all I needed to hear. At least that’s what I thought in the beginning.
Have you ever been in love? Have you ever been in love so bad that it hurts you in places that you didn’t even know existed inside of you? Have you ever thought of someone so much that you thought you could read their mind? That somehow they were a part of you, that indelibly you were linked by something greater than words or feelings or actions? That your connection was created by God himself? Have you ever had that feeling? That feeling where you feel so high, so happy, so powerful, just being around them? Their smile makes you smile. Their laugh lights up your life, so that nothing could dim it. Absolutely nothing. Just being there with them, just talking to them, touching them, seeing them, knowing them gives you something that you can’t explain. That’s power. Real power. And that power is dangerous. It’s dangerous because you lose yourself to that feeling. And sometimes when you lose yourself in that way to the wrong person…well, sometimes, you never get yourself back.
I’ve experienced that love. Great love. Love so powerful that I couldn’t eat or sleep for days. Only, he didn’t love me. He didn’t want me. He didn’t feel the same way. And the pain that I felt, the pain I carried inside of me, well it nearly broke me. You see, it didn’t make sense to me. How can one love someone so greatly and they don’t feel a thing? It doesn’t make sense. It didn’t make sense. I thought that was the worst of it. I thought that was the end of the world, but I was wrong. I thought Cody Brookstone breaking my heart was the end of it all, but really it was only the beginning.
You see, I’ve gone and found myself in an even more precarious situation. A situation that has called everything I thought I knew into question. A situation that has made me doubt every feeling and every emotion I’ve ever had. A situation that makes me wonder what true love really is. Everything I believed in has come crashing down around me.
Now I don’t know if him telling me he loves me will mean anything.
Now I don’t know if my world will ever be the same again.
Now I don’t know what I feel for Cody Brookstone and I don’t know if I can find it in my heart to figure out the answers to any of my questions before it’s too late.
Part 1
Chapter 1
Sally
When I was just a little girl, I always read fairy tales and I loved hearing how the handsome prince would fall in love with the princess and sweep her away. He'd love her with everything in him and he'd do everything he could to protect her. I always thought I'd find that love. It's all I've ever really craved. There was something so comforting knowing that there was someone in the world who loved you more than life itself. My childhood was pretty normal I suppose. My parents divorced when I was barely three and I was shuttled back and forth between them for the next eight years of my life. Then my dad moved back to Guyana, in South America, to take over his family business and all of a sudden I went to seeing him once every couple of years and talking to him on the phone every few months. My dad remarried, though he had no more kids, and I felt like his new relationship took precedence over his role in my life. His new wife hated me because she was a jealous cow and I was a reminder of his loving another woman. My mom, well, she sort of drifted about life aimlessly after the divorce, never knowing if she was coming or going and the bitterness of her marriage ending never seemed to leave her. I'm lucky I didn't become bitter and jaded myself, but I think that was thanks to having Mila as a best friend and having her family as a surrogate.
It didn't hurt that I found Cody mesmerizing and that he was on my mind all the time. I suppose my unhealthy obsession began the first time I met him. Even though we were young, it was love at first sight for me. He was the golden boy, all dimples and big smiles, teasing and loving and full of life. When I was around Cody, I forgot about everything else. I forgot about being scared of exams, the loneliness of going home, the heartache of rejection when a boy I had a crush on didn't like me. I forgot about being hungry, angry, sad, mad, whatever emotions I was experiencing at the time. It was like time stood still when I was with him. We were just us, at a moment in time, and nothing else mattered. I can remember the exact moment when I knew he was my true love. I can remember it as if it happened yesterday. We'd been by the lake house and we'd gone for a walk. It had just been the two of us and I'd been so happy to have some alone time with him. We'd stared out at the lake, under the moonlight, and we'd just gazed at the rippling water in amazement.