Say You Love Me(10)

“Sally.” Mila started laughing. “You don’t need to go to a mental asylum. You’re not crazy. I know how you feel, though. I was there with TJ. It’s hard to know when to give up. But you have to ask yourself one question.”

“What’s that?” I said, slightly annoyed she was laughing, but understanding how dramatic I sounded.

“Do you want to be with him?”

“That’s a stupid question.” I rolled my eyes at her. “Of course, I want to be with him.”

“No, I mean, is that the most important thing in your life? Do you think you’re meant to be with him? Do you want to be with him for the rest of your life? Do you think he is perfect? Do you see him as your soul mate? Forget your emotions. The love in your heart. Forget the years you’ve been wanting him. Forget everything you think you know. Now clear your brain. Think of him. Just Cody. As a person. Forget his looks. Think about how he treats you. How he treats me. Think about what he does for a living. His interests. If he loves dogs, kids, how he treats elderly people, the foods he likes to eat, the jokes he makes. Think about the good and the bad. Can you deal with that? Is he the man you want?”

“Yes.” I nodded simply. “Even the bad things are things I love. Do I sound pathetic?”

“You do know he cuts his toenails in the living room and leaves the clippings on the table?” Mila asked me softly. “And I’m sure he rarely does laundry.”

“Mila!” I laughed and shook my head.

“I’m not lying.” She laughed. “I’ve seen him in the same outfit five days in one week and I know it’s the same clothes and not just duplicates, because I’ve seen the same stains on the clothes day in and day out and sometimes he smells.” She made a face. “Granted, he doesn’t do that every week. If he did, there would be a major intervention, but I’m not sure he showers every day either.”

“Mila, are you trying to turn me off of him?” I looked at her and laughed. “These are not the best qualities that you’re bringing up.”

“I just wanna make sure that this isn’t about the fantasy of Cody.”

“Trust me, I know how gross he is.” I laughed. “You and I have been best friends for years, remember? I’ve known him for ages. I remember when he really didn’t shower for weeks. Remember that time in high school?” I made a face. “Your mom and dad threw that bucket of water over him?”

“And Nonno held the hose up to him.” She nodded, her face nostalgic. “That was hilarious. Nonno said that if he was going to act like a dog, he would get washed like a dog.”

“Yeah, that was funny.” I nodded. “Nonno was hilarious.”

“Yeah. I miss him,” Mila said with a soft smile and my heart ached for her as her Nonno had passed away recently. It had been a shock to everyone in the family, but especially to Mila. Mila and her Nonno had had such a close relationship and she’d been devastated when he’d died. But he’d left her the greatest gift he could have. He left her with a relationship that she’d wanted forever. It had been Nonno who had really been instrumental in getting her together with TJ. I wished that I’d had a Nonno who could do something like that for me, but I guess I’d just have to rely on Mila’s help. “Anyways, let’s think how to get this started,” Mila said softly.

“How to get what started?” I asked, confused at the sudden change of subject.

“How to get you and Cody as best friends.” She grinned.

“Oh, that, so we’re doing it?” I chewed on my lower lip nervously. “Do you really think this is a good idea?”

“Yeah, it’s a great idea.” She nodded. “Okay, maybe not great, but I think it’s pretty solid. Right?” She looked at me uncertainly.

“Girl, I have no idea.” I laughed. “I obviously have no ideas or I wouldn’t be sitting here entertaining yours.”

“Okay, so we go with Plan A, then.” She grinned.

“Is it really Plan A if there is no Plan B?” I laughed.

“Shh. Stop being a pessimist.”

“I’m not a pessimist. I’m a realist. And honestly, I don’t know how this is going to work. But I’m a sucker and a loser and if it means I get to spend more time with Cody, then I’ll do it. I guess it’s a nice consolation prize. We can be best friends, even if we’re not going to be living together happily ever after.”

“And hey, maybe best friends is better, right? Best friends are for life, whereas relationships can end. I mean, this could mean that you guys can be together forever.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, be together in each other’s lives forever. Always enjoying a close relationship. Maybe you’ll be his closest confidante.”

“Uhm, yeah.” I made a face. “I guess that’s true.”

“He’ll call you before he calls anyone else. You’ll grab dinners on Fridays. Talk on the phone every Sunday. Your families will spend vacations together. You’ll be old and gray together, talking about how great your friendship is.”

“Yeah.” I frowned slightly and gave her a look, my stomach sinking at her words. “Uhm you do know that I don’t just want to be his best friend, right? I mean, yeah that would be cool, but frankly I think it would kill me to be spending Friday dinners with him, knowing his wife was at home with his kids. That is not the consolation prize that I want. I’d rather kill myself than have that life.”