It's All Relative(86)

All of that was routine for Jessie. The only thing that wasn’t routine, the only thing that had changed completely for her in the past three weeks, three achingly long weeks, was the fact that her cousin had all but vanished. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since their last painful conversation on the phone.

She knew he was still around. Grams constantly talked about him, and asked if he was happy. From all Jessie could gather, Kai didn’t appear to be doing very well. Grams was convinced that he was miserable because of his work, that his boss was an ass who was bringing him down. On more than one occasion, she told Jessie that Kai should just go home and work with his parents. Grams felt he belonged there, but the thought of him leaving the state made Jessie want to curl into a fetal position.

Even though she and Kai didn’t speak, it was comforting to know they were staring at the same starry sky and breathing in the same chilly air. She couldn’t stomach the thought of him being so far away that time was actually pushed back four hours.

The idea of him leaving made her feel worse than when she replayed their last horrible conversation—and that made her feel awful. It was quite possibly the worst moment in her life so far. Already on edge from a sleepless night and the memory of crossing a line that shouldn’t ever be crossed, Jessie had been a wreck when he’d called her. And hearing him speak the words that had changed their relationship forever had shattered her heart into a thousand pieces: “We can’t see each other again. Ever.”

Jessie was certain those were the worst words ever created in the English language. But then Kai had used words that were even worse. Worse, because they were so wonderful: “You’re so important to me. You’re everything to me. You’re my best friend.”

And then the kicker, the one that always punched a hole through Jessie’s soul whenever she thought about it, both because of what it could mean, and the fact that she wasn’t entirely sure what it did mean: “I love you.”

If Kai had said it as a standalone sentence, Jessie would have been positive that he meant he was in love with her—man to woman. But he’d lumped it together with, “You’re my best friend.” To Jessie, that meant that while he was attracted to her, he loved her in a friendly way. It warmed and hurt her, because she loved him that way too. He was her best friend, and she hadn’t gotten a chance to tell him.

Jessie couldn’t imagine not ever seeing those tropical eyes again. Not ever getting to laugh with him over dinner. Not being able to ever take care of him. They’d only been separated three weeks, but it might as well have been three years. Kai had wanted to go back to a time when their lives hadn’t intertwined, but the problem was, their lives already had intertwined. Distance wasn’t going to remove Kai from being securely wrapped around her heart. It only made her ache in pain, and she knew it was wrong to feel that way.

Forcing herself to go through the motions of life, she showered and dressed for the day. It was just another Saturday. Another Saturday in a long line of Saturdays. Nothing interesting or special about it. No playful smile on a certain boy’s mouth to make the day noteworthy. Just another day.

Glumly, Jessie started walking down the hallway to the living room. She tried not to think about the way Kai could perfectly curve his lips into the sexiest smile she’d ever seen. No, she definitely shouldn’t be thinking about his mouth.

“No, Kai, don’t be ridiculous…”

Jessie paused in the hallway at hearing her cousin’s name. She could just see April on the couch with her feet up, chatting on her cell phone. With Kai. Jessie had come across them talking before. While she hated the fact that April got to talk to him when she couldn’t, she almost always stopped whatever she was doing to listen to them. Not out of jealousy—Kai and April’s relationship had shifted into an easy friendship—but because, if she listened hard enough, Jessie could hear Kai through the phone. She hated feeling so pathetic, that she was actually clamoring to hear the tinny sound of his voice while he talked to someone else, but she couldn’t help it. She missed him.

April seemed to sense that Jessie was there and twisted her head to look at her. She gave Jessie an unhappy pout. Things were still awkward between them. Jerking her head around, so she was staring out the slider, April said into the phone, “What was that, Kai? Sorry, Jessie distracted me.”

Irrationally, Jessie’s heart started beating harder; Kai knew she was there now. Stepping into the living room, she casually turned on the TV, set the volume on low, and sat down close to April. While looking for something to watch, she listened for Kai’s voice as hard as she could.

Unfortunately, Jessie couldn’t hear what he said in response to April’s comment, but April glanced her way. “Yeah, she’s fine. Why?”

Jessie’s heart squeezed with a powerful ache that hurt so badly, she had to massage the spot with the heel of her hand. Kai was there, just a few feet away from her, and he was asking April how she was doing. It took every scrap of will power Jessie possessed to not rip the phone out of April’s hands and beg Kai to come see her. She wanted to hear his voice. She wanted to see his face, but he was right. Their feelings needed to fade before they could be reunited, and that was going to take time. Jessie wished they’d hurry up and vanish so she could be with her cousin again. Her best friend.

Jessie heard Kai give April some response, and April’s brows drew together as she continued to study Jessie. Her face brightened, and she smiled. “What do you mean he liked my picture?” She relaxed into the couch as she laughed into the phone, and it was like she was talking to a girlfriend, not the man she’d made out with on more than one occasion. “Really? Is he cute?” She paused, then murmured, “Louis, huh? I’ve never met a Louis. What’s he like?”