It's All Relative(84)

Kai forced the smile to remain on his face as he nodded. It wasn’t the fact that he couldn’t get the girl that was bothering Kai. No, if things were different, he and Jessie would be together, and they would be happy too. Getting her wasn’t the problem. It was that he shouldn’t get her. Dating his cousin wasn’t something Kai was willing to do. No matter how much he wanted to.





Kai woke up early the next morning and stared at his ceiling. He felt like he’d been staring at his ceiling all night long. It was the last thing he remembered doing—staring at his ceiling while his mind spun with thoughts and emotions he shouldn’t be having, that he wished he could turn off. Since he was lying in the exact same position he’d fallen asleep in, Kai wondered if he’d even slept. Maybe he’d only briefly closed his eyes. If his room wasn’t filled with a gray, pre-dawn light, he might have believed that, but the last time he’d stared straight above him, he hadn’t been able to make out the texture on the walls in the pitch-black room. Now his eyes could easily distinguish each pattern in the surface.

He’d been debating what to do last night, after the incident with Jessie. Could they ignore what had happened between them and continue their camaraderie? Could he laugh and joke with her, and not think about the way she’d moaned in his ear? Would that sound ever leave him?

Sighing, Kai shifted in his bed. How could they ever trust themselves to be alone again? Not when the memory of that passion, boiling just under the surface, was still there. Always there. Closing his eyes, Kai remembered slamming her back into the door. She ignited a primal part of him. He’d wanted to rip off every piece of her clothing and drive deep inside her. He’d never wanted anyone so intensely. And sickeningly enough, just lying in bed thinking about it, he still wanted it; he could even feel his body responding.

Concentrating on the ceiling, Kai let out a long, slow exhale as he tried to calm himself. He couldn’t think about it. He had to stop seeing her that way. Not for the first time, Kai cursed the fact that they’d grown up so far apart from each other. If he and Jessie had known each other as kids, he would only see her as family. But they hadn’t. She was a virtual stranger to him, family only because someone had named her as such. He felt connected with her, but not as a relative. No, he felt connected to her…as a man to a woman. And he couldn’t. He couldn’t knowingly be with her. It was wrong. It was twisted. It was sick.

And yet…

Sighing again, Kai sat up and scrubbed his face. No. If he couldn’t stop thinking of her romantically, then there was only one way for them to both get out of this mess. Reluctantly, he turned his gaze to his cell phone. He desperately did not want to have to make the call that he knew without a doubt he had to make.

His eyes watered just looking at the time on the screen. Time. He wanted so much more of it with her. But more time would only lead to more chances for them to cave. And they’d already proven to each other, over and over again, that they could, and would, cave to the desire between them. He had to stop the cycle. He had to do the right thing, just like he had with April.

As he picked up the phone, his hand started to shake. In his head, he began scrolling through a list of alternative solutions. There weren’t any. Closing his eyes, he pleaded with himself not to do this. He knew he had no choice, though.

Scrolling through his contacts, he looked for Jessie’s name. Pressing the button to connect the call, he slowly brought the phone to his ear. His breath increased, and his nerves spiked as he waited for her to pick up.

“Hello?” a groggy voice muttered. It was thick with sleep…or emotion.

“Hey,” Kai said. “Did I wake you?”

Bringing his knees up in bed, he slung his free arm around them. He could hear Jessie wrestle around too as she sighed in his ear. “No…I couldn’t sleep.”

Kai looked down. “Me either.”

A few awkward moments of silence passed as Kai worked up the will to say what he had to say. At the same time that he heard Jessie start to say, “About yesterday…” he blurted out, “I broke it off with April.” Biting his lip, he wondered why he couldn’t just come out and tell her what he’d decided.

Another span of silence passed as Jessie absorbed what he’d said. “Oh. You didn’t have to…” Her voice thickened as it trailed off.

Kai sighed. “Yeah, I did.” Running a hand through his hair, he wished he could stop his heart from hammering so hard. “I couldn’t let her keep thinking that our relationship was going anywhere. And I don’t feel for her what I feel for…”

He let his sentence die. Admitting his feelings for Jessie now, wouldn’t help with what he had to say later. Clearing his throat, he quickly added, “I never should have let it go on for as long as it did. Stringing her along like that…it wasn’t fair to her.”

Picking at a loose strand of fabric in the sheets, he waited for Jessie to respond. When she did, her voice was subdued. “Yeah, you’re right. I shouldn’t have asked you to keep seeing her. I just…I wasn’t considering her feelings in all of this, I guess.”

She let out such a sad sigh that Kai had the sudden urge to drive over there, run his hand through her hair, cup her cheek, and whisper that everything would be okay, but it wouldn’t be. Not after what he was about to do. In a whisper, he started the process. “Jessie…about us…”