It's All Relative(85)

Kai’s voice cracked and he found he couldn’t speak. He swallowed several times to try and remove the blockage, and in the silence, Jessie spoke. “I know, Kai. I know. It was wrong, and I shouldn’t have said what I said. I know we can’t…do that, and I’ll try harder to not be so jealous or possessive of you. It just hurt so much to see you with April, but I know you’re going to be with someone, and I promise I won’t—”

Wishing he could just agree with her, Kai cut her off. “We can’t see each other anymore, Jessie.”

Silence filled the line again. A horrible, aching silence that made Kai’s pounding heart sound like a gong, filling the room with an ominous, heavy beat. When she still didn’t respond, he whispered, “Jessie?”

He heard her choke, then sputter. In a tightly controlled, warbling voice, she asked, “What do you mean? We can’t be alone anymore…or we can’t…”

Kai felt his eyes get heavy with building tears. His own voice cracking under the strain, he somehow managed to say, “We can’t see each other again. Ever.”

Jessie gasped, then muttered, “But…but no…Kai?”

Kai’s heart split in half, and he felt the pain of the break slice through every part of him. He didn’t think he would ever be the same person again after this. Everything he had been before was gone. Everything was different. Jessie was a highlight in his life. Without her in it…Kai almost didn’t see the point. He swallowed, and the tears finally dropped to his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Jessie. You don’t know how much this kills me, but you and I cannot be together, and we’re heading that way. Can’t you feel it?”

He waited for her to acknowledge it. For her to admit to herself that the path they were on was going to end up with them in such a twisted, ethically and morally wrong relationship that it made him feel ill to the core. After a long stillness, she finally whispered, “Yes.”

Kai exhaled with relief. At least she understood. “We have to stay apart. We have to go back to when you had your life, and I had my life, and they didn’t intertwine.”

She exhaled brokenly. “But, Kai…we’re family. Family doesn’t abandon each other.”

Again, Kai wanted to reach out and stroke her, lovingly run a finger down her cheek. “We’ll still be family, Jessie. We will always be that, and we won’t abandon each other. If you need me, if you absolutely need me…I’m there, no questions asked. But Jessie, we need to let this die, before we can truly be…just cousins.”

Kai heard Jessie start to break down. As she started to cry, his tears started falling freely too. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated.

Through her broken sobs, he heard her say, “I’m going to miss you, so much. I don’t know how I’m going to…” Her voice trailed off as waves of anguish took her over.

Kai clenched the sheets in his hand. He didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t want to make her cry. He didn’t want to cry. He wanted to tell her that he was wrong—that they shouldn’t be apart. He wanted to rush to her place, sweep her in his arms, and kiss away her tears. He wanted to lay her down and make her feel the warmth and love between them. He wanted to make love to her. And that was exactly why he had to do this.

“I’m going to miss you too, Jessie. You’re so important to me. You’re…everything to me.”

Biting his cheek, he stopped himself from pouring any more of his heart out to her. It would only hurt them both if they started confessing their feelings for each other now. And while Kai was certain Jessie cared deeply for him, he was 100 percent certain he was in love with her. Breaking it off with April had helped him to see it. He loved Jessie, in all the ways he shouldn’t.

Her sobs easing, she timidly asked, “Can we still talk? Can I call you?”

Kai thought of having these heart wrenching phone calls every day; he didn’t think he could do it. “Jessie…” he pleaded, not wanting to have to say it. A clean break was best. A clean break healed quicker.

Jessie sniffled. “Right…that probably wouldn’t help anything.”

Another long silence filled the line, as both their hearts silently broke apart. Feeling the knot of turmoil in his stomach tightening, Kai knew it was time. Time to end the call, to forever end his connection with the only woman he wanted in his life. His voice breaking, he softly told her, “I wish you only happiness, Jessie.”

He couldn’t imagine his life without her in it.

“Kai…”

Steeling himself, he closed his eyes and pictured her one last time—her smile, her beautiful face framed in dark, curly locks, the sound of her voice when she said his name. She was the one person on this earth that Kai would have liked to experience everything with. He couldn’t think of anyone else that he’d rather have on this twisted, rollercoaster of a ride called life.

He ended their relationship with, “You’re my best friend, Jessie. I love you.” Then he disconnected the call and tossed his phone away from him.





It was astounding to Jessie how so much could change in her life, while at the same time, nothing changed. She went to work, rubbing out the kinks in Mr. Tinley’s lower back. She went to the movies with Harmony and April; still peeved about Jessie’s heated comments to her, April always sat as far from Jessie as possible. She checked on her grandmother, who was completely healed and feisty as ever. She even repeatedly shot down Gram’s attempts to set her up with “nice” boys.