It's All Relative(90)
All Jessie could do was nod at her grandmother’s advice while dread filled her from head to toe. Dread laced with a razor-sharp edge of hope and excitement. She was going to see Kai again. She didn’t want the moment to come, but she couldn’t wait either.
Jessie sat in the backseat of Harmony’s SUV, wondering how she’d gotten here. She ceaselessly worked the zipper of her heavy jacket up and down as anxiety ate at her nerves. The sound of country music filled the spacious cabin, making Jessie cringe. Normally she would annoy Harmony until her friend caved and changed the station, but Jessie didn’t have it in her to make a peep. Kai was sitting directly beside her.
Glancing over at him from the corner of her eye, she secretly studied him as he stared out the window. He was relentlessly wringing his hands together, and seemed to be feeling as odd and uneasy as she was. Having him right next to her again was pounding her with several conflicting emotions—elation, trepidation, sorrow and regret. Tearing her gaze away, Jessie looked up at the front seat. Harmony was explaining the condition of the slopes. She’d heard from some friends who had just returned that the snow was perfect—fast and deep. Jessie was a good skier and could handle the more advanced slopes, but she’d mainly be on the lower trails this weekend, helping Kai learn the basics. She hadn’t seen him for nearly four weeks, and now she would practically be glued to his side. She was as eager for that as she was scared. This was exactly why she hadn’t wanted him to come.
She started to look over at him again, but felt his eyes burning into her and stopped. Meeting April’s gaze in the rearview mirror, Jessie froze, then slapped on a friendly smile. She didn’t want to look sad, forlorn, or lovesick in front of the woman who used to date Kai. April was still annoyed at her though, and quickly averted her gaze to the snowy scenery passing by her window.
Jessie was getting sick and tired of April ignoring her. Yes, she’d been horribly rude, and had basically called her a whore, but honestly, girls said far meaner things over much smaller issues. It wasn’t all that long ago that April had told her she was a conniving little cunt for snagging the last pair of 75 percent off boots. Jessie had forgiven her for her comment, why couldn’t April forgive her for hers? Of course, there were no kickass boots in April’s life to make her feel better.
Smiling at the memory of that long-ago spat, Jessie inadvertently swung her gaze to Kai. He was still looking at her, and their gazes instantly locked. Suddenly, it was like they were the only two people in the car. His eyes, a warm tropical color that clashed so harshly with the chill in the December air, bored into hers, and a shiver ran through Jessie, despite the thick layers of clothes she was wearing.
Kai flicked a quick glance at Harmony and April in the front seat, then leaned toward Jessie. She wanted to hold her breath as he came closer. “I’m sorry about this.” His perfect lips twisted into a wry smile. “Gran wouldn’t take no for an answer.” He looked down then, and his hand shifted to rest in the space between them on the seat. Without consciously thinking of doing it, Jessie moved her hand near his, until the tips of their fingers touched. She was instantly warm.
Kai peeked back up at her at the slight connection. “I thought about telling her I’d go and then staying home, but…” As his voice trailed off, his eyes focused past Jessie’s shoulder, to the white capped trees blurring past them in the distance. A light snowfall was splattering large flakes against the car, and Kai stared at the display with childlike wonder on his face.
Kai hadn’t been around snow before moving here. Having played in the white stuff her entire life, being around someone who had never even seen it before now was a little wondrous. Smiling, she filled in the blanks for him. “You’ve always wanted to ski. I remember.”
The memory of how easy it was to be around Kai slammed into Jessie with a force that stole her breath. But that was sort of the problem. It was too easy to be around him. It felt too nice. It warmed her in ways it shouldn’t. It gave her thoughts that she shouldn’t have about him.
Even now, as the tip of her finger stubbornly started to stroke his, she was reminded of all the reasons they should be apart. But, God, that had been so hard. Being apart was as difficult to her as being together, just for completely different reasons. Around Kai, Jessie was always beating back her feelings for him. Apart for Kai…it was like those feelings were eating right through her, leaving only emptiness and pain in their wake.
Kai nodded at her statement; his eyes looked apologetic for not being able to resist an opportunity to fulfill a childhood dream. He glanced at their fingers on the seat, hers a creamy white, his a deep warm brown. Looping his finger over hers, he locked gazes with her again. The feelings he stirred inside her with just his index finger wrapped around hers, was a thousand times more intense than anything Jeremy had ever given her, and she was well aware of how wrong that was, but she couldn’t escape it. That undeniable, horrible attraction.
Jessie made herself pull her hand away when all she really wanted to do was lace their fingers together. She couldn’t though, not with April and Harmony in the car. Shaking her head, she tried to clear her thoughts. She shouldn’t regardless if her friends were here or not. She shouldn’t touch him any more than was absolutely necessary.
Kai let out a soft sigh as he resumed staring out the window. Harmony talked to April while she rested her head back on the seat and closed her eyes, like she was going to take a nap. Aside from Harmony’s voice and the annoying country songs playing, the rest of the car ride was made in silence.