It's All Relative(82)

It made him ill.

Gathering his strength, he struggled to remember what he’d been doing before that moment. Had anything happened today before that moment? It was so cataclysmic to him, that it was almost as if the world hadn’t begun turning until he and Jessie had finally caved. Souring his stomach even more was the fact that Kai had started it. Jessie might have cupped his face, might have begged him with those beautiful brown eyes to be with her, but he was the one who had slipped. He was the one who hadn’t been able to resist the draw of her lips anymore.

Weeks of having another woman’s mouth on his had only made his need for Jessie stronger. He hadn’t realized it until that split-second he’d debated what to do. Not that he’d really had much choice in the matter. Kai needed Jessie; he couldn’t resist her anymore. That was the problem.

Walking in a zombie-like daze to the living room, Kai was shocked at the normality he saw. Harmony was sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn on her lap as she watched a movie. April was sitting across from her, a small pout on her lips as she impatiently strummed her fingers against her folded arms.

Kai’s world had just been flipped upside down. Why wasn’t the rest of the world following suit? Shouldn’t the sky be green and cats and dogs have learned to talk in his absence. That was how rocked he felt.

April glanced at him as he woodenly walked into the room. Her frown deepened as she stood up, and Kai suddenly remembered why she wasn’t happy. Jessie had gone off on her when she’d walked in on the two of them kissing. Kai let out a soft sigh as his melodramatic thoughts wound down. What was going on with his cousin was intense, painful, and confusing, but what was going on with him and April was just…wrong.

He shouldn’t be with someone, just so he wouldn’t be with someone else. That was how people got hurt. Kai didn’t want to hurt anyone, even though he seemed to be really good at it. But continuing to see April would be misleading to her, since his feelings were obviously elsewhere. It would be cruel to let her fall for him, if she was.

April sauntered over to him, her arms locked across her chest like armor. Harmony glanced up, then forcefully redirected her eyes back to the TV. April’s lips hadn’t shifted from the pout she’d perfected, and Kai’s thoughts drifted to kissing her. He’d been trying to feel the heat and passion for April that he felt for Jessie, but no matter how hard he tried, kissing her didn’t give him the same flying sensation. He’d even let himself make the first move, just to see if it would help, but he still hadn’t felt that spark. It just wasn’t there.

Glancing over his shoulder at Jessie’s bedroom door, April bit out, “You talk her down off her high horse?”

Kai sadly shook his head. “I’m sorry you got dragged into the middle of that, April, but trust me when I say that all of Jessie’s comments were more directed toward me than you.”

April looked back at Kai with furrowed brows, like he’d just spoken in another language. Kai supposed he had, since none of that probably made any sense to her. He was going to have to find a way to be honest with April, without actually being honest.

It was clear she was just about to ask him what the hell he was talking about, so Kai grabbed her fingers and walked her to the back door. He needed privacy for this. Knowing what he was going to do made Kai’s stomach twist into one giant knot. He had no choice though. Sliding open the door, he walked through it. She shivered and rubbed her arms once she was outside, and Kai stepped back in to grab their coats off the couch. April looked sad as she slipped hers on, like she knew something was up.

Sliding the door shut, so they’d at least have some verbal privacy, Kai noticed Harmony watching them through the glass. When he turned to face April, her eyes were narrow slits as she peered at him intently. Sighing, Kai looked down and mentally traced a long crack in the cement while he composed his thoughts. He didn’t want to mess this up.

In his silence, April spoke first. “You want to tell me what’s going on, Kai?” Her voice was slightly accusatory, but mainly worried. Kai swallowed. He’d let this go on for far too long. He should have ended things after that disastrous first date. Or never agreed to date her in the first place.

Looking up, he whispered, “This is all my fault. Please don’ be mad at Jessie for what she said to you. She was angry at me, not you.” He shook his head. “She just didn’t express it correctly, but she really was looking out for you.” Kai wanted to cringe; he was pushing the envelope of truth in that statement, and he knew it, but in a way, it was true. Jessie’s anger had been more for Kai than April.

As April shook her head, confused, Kai said, “She adores you, April. She just doesn’t want to see you get hurt.” Kai finally smiled. That was completely true.

Still looking like she didn’t understand, April shoved her hands in her coat pockets. “That doesn’t make any sense. You wouldn’t hurt me. You’re a good guy.”

Kai had to avert his eyes. He hated what he knew that April didn’t. A good guy didn’t shove his hands down a girl’s pants while preparing for a date with a different one. A good guy didn’t do any of the things he’d done with his cousin. No, Kai felt like anything but a good guy. But maybe he could start atoning, right now. Looking back at April, he whispered, “There’s someone else. A girl…from my past.”