I Love You to Death(78)

∞

Afterwards we go out to the bar. People are congratulating them, clapping them on the back, hugging them all. Luke never lets go of me and I love being here with him, knowing that all of these people love him. I love knowing it’s me that he loves, that he is mine and I am his. I never thought I could have this again and I love him, for giving it all back to me.
The industry people find the guys and drinks are bought for everyone. They are impressed with tonight’s performance and want to discuss ideas, a possible support tour and recording session. The guys are so excited and I’m so very happy for them. I watch Mia and Jared as they dance around each other still; slowly getting closer, but still so far apart and I want so badly for them to work it out. Want so badly for them to have what I now have, what I know they both want.
When midnight strikes, Luke excuses himself and pulls me away. He takes me back behind the stage, to a room where all of their gear is being stored. He pulls me to him, whispering in my ear, "Happy birthday my beautiful girl, happy birthday."
I can’t believe he has remembered, that he has thought to do this with everything else that’s going on for them tonight. That still he thinks of me. "Luke," I whisper, my heart close to exploding right now. "You don’t have to do this."
He smiles at me as he whispers, "Yeah Ash, I really do."
He kisses me so passionately I feel like I might pass out. His lips move slowly along my jaw, down my neck and back up to my ear where he tells me, "I have things at home for you, let’s get out of here."
I don’t want to ruin his night or this chance for him, so I tell him, "Let’s stay. Stay as long as you need to Luke. I’m not going anywhere."
He smiles at me and kisses me again and we do more than we should in that tiny back room.
When we join the rest of the guys, Mia is smiling at us. I guess it’s obvious what we’ve been doing so I stick my tongue out at her to hide my blushing. She leans over and whispers to me, "Have fun back there did we?"
I can’t help but hug her as I say, "Thank you Mia, thank you for everything." She hugs me back and just laughs when Luke pulls me away from her, wrapping me in his arms, his entire body pressed against mine.
Hours later, we all leave. We are out in the back alley, piling the gear into Ben’s van. Luke is holding his guitar case in one hand and my hand in the other. I’m buzzing with excitement at getting him alone again.
As the van doors shut and we yell goodbyes to each other, Luke and I walk towards the end of the alley. Mia is still talking to Jared. They are standing so very close to each other now and Luke and I both smile when we see them. I wonder if they’re going to walk back with us, or if maybe they’re going somewhere else together. I wonder if they are finally really talking. Ben and Sarah are clearly going home together and I’m very happy for them. Steve and Pete have already gone back inside and probably won’t go home for hours. The apartment isn’t far and although it’s winter, there is no snow at the moment.
As we get to the end of the alley though, I see a shadow emerge and I feel sickening fear twist at my insides.
A deep voice snarls, "Hand over the f*ckin’ gear," and I see the glint of metal as it rises to face us.
Fuck, f*ck, f*ck the voice in my head is screaming. My heart is pounding now, but for all the wrong reasons. Why didn’t we leave earlier when Luke said? Why did I tell him to stay? Why do I have to go through this, again?
The gun moves so it’s pointing at Luke and I desperately want to scream for the others to come and help us. The voice repeats itself, "I won’t say it again *, hurry the f*ck up!"
I hear Luke’s firm voice, "No!"
I hear the sharp click of metal.
And above all of it, I hear my brain screaming please, please, please, don’t do this to me again. Please don’t take him away from me.
I don’t know if I’m screaming out loud or if it’s only in my head.
∞

The other part that made Sam’s death the worst of all was that his death was the only one I experienced first-hand. After everything I’d told him, he still stuck around and in the end, his was the only death I actually saw, the only one I really discovered. The only death I truly lived through and this made it so much more horrifyingly painful and real.
It was all so stupid too, such a stupid waste that could’ve so easily been prevented. A tiny little insignificant thing that you never would’ve expected could kill you. But it did and as always, it had been my fault.
He’d had a toothache for ages, weeks. It was interrupting his sleep and getting to the point where he could barely eat anything he was in so much pain. He wouldn’t go to the dentist though because he was worried we couldn’t afford it. We could, I had money put away, money my Dad and Seth had left me, but Sam wouldn’t use it. Said he’d be fine. But he wasn’t, so in the end, I found him a dentist. I randomly picked one from the net and organised an appointment for him. Made sure he went.
He needed some major work done and it did cost a fortune, but it worked. He came home pain free and much happier. After the swelling in his mouth went down, he was able to eat again and he was finally sleeping properly. I didn’t care about the huge bill we now faced, it was only money. I was just relieved, relieved that he was ok and relieved it had all gone smoothly.
I couldn’t have known how wrong I was.
About a week after, Sam started to feel unwell. At first it was just a high temperature, but then he started getting chills at night, which after piling on the blankets would quickly turn into sweats. It was amazing how fast he could go from freezing cold to sweltering hot. Nothing seemed to work, painkillers, cold showers, so I tried to get him to go to the doctor. Sam was reluctant, convinced he just had the flu and that we couldn’t really afford it after the last bill.