Fighting Redemption(37)

Her eyes swept the living room. No evidence of her violent outburst from yesterday afternoon remained. A sharp pang swept through her at the empty bookshelves. Books, she reminded herself. They’re just books.

Going to the kitchen, she grabbed a spoon and reached for Crookshanks’ breakfast from out of the fridge. Usually he was twining himself around her legs right now—where was he?

Frowning, she turned, her eyes finding him sitting outside in the morning sun, licking the length of his leg as though he’d already eaten.

The front door clicked and Ryan strode down the hallway, bringing the scent of freshly cut grass with him. His eyes were tired, his body sweaty.

Fin narrowed her eyes. “What do you think you’re doing?”

His brows flew up. “Excuse me?”

“Mowing my lawn?”

Ryan rubbed his forearm across his brow, wiping away the sweat. “It was overgrown. It would’ve died off if you’d left it any longer.”

“So what? Everything dies sooner or later, right?”

Oh God, stop.

But she couldn’t. It felt like she was standing outside of her body watching a train wreck before her very eyes.

“Feeding me, my cat, cleaning my house, my yard. It’s mine. My house.” Her voice rose along with her anger. “And you’re not my friend. You’re Jake’s!”

Hurt flashed across his face, and her stomach pitched feverishly, unable to control the venom spewing from her mouth.

He nodded, his jaw tight. “You think I’m trying to take over?”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to do, Ryan, but whatever it is, don’t. I don’t need you coming here and thinking you have to take care of me because Jake died. Don’t think that you owe it to him.”

Ryan’s eyes flashed angrily at her words. “That’s not why I’m here.”

“Then why are you here?” she shouted.

A beat of silence passed as his eyes locked on hers.

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Fin’s heart tugged painfully. “I don’t need you, Ryan,” she said wearily. “And I don’t want you here. You should leave.”

He stood there, clenching and unclenching his fists. “You want me to leave?”

Damn you, Ryan. I’d take you, Army and all, even knowing you might not come back just like Jake, but you won’t let me have you, so yes, I want you to leave.

But she didn’t say any of that. She couldn’t choke the words out. Instead, she nodded wordlessly.

He turned around and strode back out the door, slamming it hard behind him. She flinched, and soon after Fin heard the deep rumble of his car start up. Eventually the noise faded, replaced with a silence that had her ears ringing and the red haze of anger lifting.

What did she just do?

Stupid girl!

She rushed to her room, scrambling for her phone on the bedside table. With frantic fingers, she fumbled over the keypad until she found Ryan’s name. As the phone rang, she started pacing, one hand pressed to her forehead.

It rang endlessly until his voicemail answered.

Dialling, she tried again.

“No,” she whispered, her stomach rolling when it rang out again.

The beep came through loud and clear to leave a message.

“Ryan? I didn’t mean it,” she choked out. “I’m sorry.” She sank to the floor. “I don’t know why I’m so angry. Please come back,” she whispered hoarsely. “I’m sorry.”

She sat on the couch in the living room all day long, but he never returned her call, and he didn’t come back.





Rachael dragged Fin out of the dressing room and stood her before the mirror. Fin swept her eyes over her reflection as techno music pounded heavily through the store. The short gold skirt, the slinky black top cut so low there was no way a bra could be worn—it wasn’t her.

“It’s not me,” she announced, tugging the top up to cover a bit more of her chest.

Rachael tweaked it so it fell back down and looked at her in the mirror. “Stop fussing with it. Double sided tape will hold it in place. And exactly. It’s not you. That’s the point. You’re living in a bubble of grief. Tonight you can be someone else. You need that, Fin.”

She needed Ryan. Nothing else. Just him, but two weeks and she’d heard nothing. It didn’t surprise her. He’d told her he’d always wanted her, that he would never stop wanting her, and the next morning she’d thrown it in his face because for one blinding moment she thought he was there as an obligation to Jake, and it had hurt. Who could blame him for staying away?

“I’m not sure I can go out tonight, Rach.”

Rachael stood in front of Fin, blocking her view of the flimsy outfit as she took hold of her hands. “Jake would be furious with you right now,” she said with tears filling her eyes. Blinking them away, she straightened her shoulders. “I’m furious with you right now. This is not living, Fin. You’re just existing inside a vacuum and you can’t go on like this forever.”

“Yes I can.”

Rachael let go of her hands and fussed with the gold skirt. “No. You can’t.”

Frowning, Fin batted her hands away and tugged the skirt down. She sighed when her hipbones came into view. “Send out a search party, Rach. The rest of the skirt is missing.”