Fighting Redemption(32)

“Oh, Fin,” he whispered thickly.





Fin watched the man walk towards her through a fog. Her vision cleared slowly, bringing Ryan into focus. Her heart, so dead inside her, gave a strong thump, as though trying to wake up.

He strode towards her wearing a deep blue shirt stretched tight across his wide chest and a pair of soft, dark jeans. Mirrored aviators covered his beautiful, dark eyes, and his hair—longer now—was casually windblown. His powerful presence reminded her so much of Jake that her stomach lurched.

Fin set her wine down and swung her legs over the chair as he reached her side.

He sank down in the chair opposite, his jaw tight. The pain etched in his face had her holding out her hand. He looked down at it, and her skin tingled with warmth when he wrapped it in his large palm.

She forced a smile. “Ryan.”

With his free hand, he pulled off his shades and tossed them aside carelessly.

Her breath caught at the haunted look in his eyes when they met hers.

“Fin,” he breathed, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he looked at her. “I’m so sorry.”

She reached out and cupped his face with her hands. “A man once told me that guilt was the one thing he wouldn’t let me live with, yet I can see it on your face. Don’t take this on yourself.”

Ryan closed his eyes, a tear spilling over and rolling down his cheek. He turned his head, brushing a kiss against her palm.

“I miss him, Ryan,” she admitted with a whisper, her hands falling away. He opened his eyes. “So much. Why does God always take the good ones? How do I keep going without him? When I wake up in the morning, everything’s okay for a brief moment until I remember, and then I can’t breathe knowing he’s not out there walking the same earth, seeing the same stars.”

“Fin. Look at me,” Ryan said firmly.

She lifted her eyes.

“Just one day at a time, okay?”

Reaching behind him, Ryan pulled out an envelope, turning it carefully in his hands. Her name was written on the front, and her heart thundered in her chest when she recognised the handwriting.

He held it towards her. “Jake … wanted you to have this.”

Swallowing, she reached out and took it. “Thank you.”

He stood abruptly. “I have to get going.”

“I … you can’t stay?”

“No.” He stared blindly out into the yard. “I can’t stay, Fin,” he whispered.

“Wait!” She scrambled out of her chair and snagged his wrist as he turned to leave. “I have something for you too.”

Fin ran inside the house, returning moments later with another envelope. “You have one too.”

“Thank you.” His voice was hoarse and he cleared his throat as he reached out and took it. He indicated towards the front of the house. “I need to go.”

She nodded and he turned, his long-legged stride taking him quickly from view, leaving her emptiness to return.

Sitting down, she swallowed the last of her wine and fingered the edges of the envelope, opening it carefully and unfolding the single sheet of paper.



Fin,

If you’re reading this letter, then I’m sorry for leaving you behind. I’ve not really gone anyway. I’m wedged inside your heart where you can keep me alive, okay?

I hope it’s a comfort to you that I haven’t regretted a single moment of my life, and that my reasons for leaving are so that others can live a life of freedom.

Fin, you’re smart and brave, so know that I’m leaving Ryan in your hands. He needs you. He’s proud and strong, but it’s always the strongest that fall the hardest.

Always smile when you think of me, and please, don’t be scared to love. It’s what makes life what it is.

I love you,

Jake.

P.S. Don’t ever retire your Supergirl suit, okay? I want you out there saving those whales so your kids can grow up seeing them in real life, rather than in history books.





Ryan slumped against the door of his car, swallowing the lump in his throat. He’d let Jake die and then for three months he hid from the world. Why hadn’t she been angry with him for that? He would’ve preferred the spark of fury rather than the emptiness in her eyes.

Jake, you goddamn *! I want you to come back to life just so I can kill you all over again for leaving us without you.

Opening the car door, he put the envelope on the passenger seat and slammed the door shut. Hearing screams from inside the house, panic flooded his body, leaving him ice cold.

“Fin!” He rushed towards the house. “Fin!” He yanked hard on the front door but it was locked.

Breathless, he ran hard around the side of the house. Wild screams pierced his ears as he stormed through the back door. What he saw almost brought him to his knees.

Fin stood in the living room, her books—the ones she’d treasured reading her entire life—lay shredded on the floor, ripped pages littering every surface. Broken plates and smashed cups joined them. Even as he rushed the room, a plate spun past his head and crashed into the wall behind him.

“Fin!” he shouted as he ducked. “Stop!”

Held in the grip of rage, she didn’t hear or see him. She turned back to the side cabinet for more plates, chest heaving, her face twisted in anguish as she threw another.