FADING (A novel)(103)

“It starts at eight, so anytime around then.”

“Sounds great. And when are you guys heading out to Oregon?”

“We’re going to leave the next morning. I’m not sure when we’ll be coming back. Ryan wanted to leave it open. He’s taken the week off, so we will just play it by ear.”

“Mark and I will be around, so when you get back, let us know.”

“I will.” Sitting up on the couch, I turn to look at Jase and say, “Hey, you wanna go down to Peet’s and grab a coffee? We can walk around some of the shops.”

“Yeah, let’s get out of here. Give me a second to throw on another shirt.”

We spend the next couple of hours shopping around the vintage stores on Fremont after stopping by Peet’s. While we roam around, I think about what Jase said. I know I need to talk to Ryan and let him know that I should go back home. I never intended on staying at his place for as long as I have. We just kind of fell into it. I love him, and I love being there, but I have my own place and a friend that I sort of abandoned, even though we aren’t really talking and haven’t been for months. I can’t tell her about Jack. After telling Ryan, I don’t ever want to go through that again. Plus, I’m not even sure of Seth’s connection with Jack. It scares me to think what Kimber would do, being that she is, in a way, linked to him. I don’t know what I can do to salvage my relationship with Kimber, but I do know I should at least try.

?????

I’ve been gone most of the day, so when I return to the loft, Ryan is more than eager to have me back. We spend the rest of the day being lazy and listening to demos from bands that are trying to get spots at Blur. I know I need to talk about going back home, but I know Ryan isn’t going to like that idea very much. I’ve spent most of the evening putting it off.

Ryan pulls me out of my thoughts when he says, “Something’s been bothering me today.” When I walk across the room to Ryan, who’s sitting on the couch, he holds out his arm and tugs me down onto his lap. “I’ve never seen you dance.”

“Oh . . . yeah, I guess not. But you will in May when we have our production. You’ll see me a lot. I have three ensembles plus my solo.”

“It just bothers me that there is a huge part of your life that I’ve never seen.”

“Well, I can grab some videos at the studio of past performances. They have also recorded some of our studios this year. Would that suffice for you, watching me on video?”

Grabbing me behind my waist and neck, he flips me back onto the couch and just before he buries his head in my neck, he says, “Nothing about you will ever suffice for me. I’m always gonna want more.”

So I give him more, right there on the couch. Truth is, I feel the same way. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of him. Tonight, he’s more playful with me and being able to giggle while we make love, I realize that he’s finally giving me pieces of myself that have been missing for a long time. I relish in the closeness we have.

Ryan wraps us up in a blanket as we lie in each others’ arms on the floor. Stroking his hand lazily up and down my back, we chat about random nonsense and continue with our fun banter from this morning. But I know I need to be honest and talk to him about what’s been on my mind all day.

With hesitation, I say, “Ryan, I ran into Kimber today. She was leaving Jase’s when I walked into his building.”

“Did you guys talk?”

“She just asked where I’ve been, and I could tell she was hurt. Jase told me she reached out to him and that she’s really upset.”

“I’m sorry, babe. I know how much this bothers you. Have you thought anymore about talking to her?”

Ryan and I had discussed Kimber the week before. He felt that maybe she wouldn’t react the way I initially thought she would since I’m in a better place now. If she could see that I was happy, she might be less likely to be reckless with her reaction. I agree with him, but I also didn’t tell him about Seth being Jack’s frat brother. I haven’t told Ryan anything about Jack because I know how much he hates him and worry about what he might do if he ever found out.

“I just can’t. I don’t trust her enough to not do something.”

“I don’t know what to tell you to do. Just try talking to her and see if you guys can move past this rift.”

“I think it would help if I went back home.”

“Candace . . .”

“Ryan, I was only supposed to be here for a week or two. I never intended on moving in like this. But, we are about to graduate, and I’d like to see if this is fixable. I can’t do that if I’m not there.”

“I still want you here.”

“And I’ll still be here. Just not every night.”

He releases a deep breath and says, “Okay. We can go tomorrow and take some of your things back.”

Sliding my hand over his cheek, I tell him, “Thanks for understanding,” before pressing my lips into his.

?????

The next day, Ryan helped me pack up my things and take them back to my house. He insisted I leave some of my belongings at his place, so I did. It was strange being back home after being away for so long. Kimber was home when we got there, so I introduced her to Ryan, but they really didn’t talk.

Ryan wanted to stay here with me that night, but I thought it would be best if he didn’t for the first night I was back. If Kimber was uncomfortable, I didn’t want to make it worse. He wasn’t happy with it, but he understood.