FADING (A novel)(98)

And when I say, “I want you to make love to me,” he reaches down and slowly starts to push into me. I tense up at the touch, having never experienced it in this way.

He pulls back slightly and says, “Are you okay?”

I nod my head and whisper, “Yeah,” before he continues to ease himself inside of me. Letting out a gasp of breath, he drops his head in the crook of my neck.

“Fuck, you feel so good, babe.”

My legs are tense around his hips as he holds himself in me. Clenching my eyes shut, I can feel the few tears that have escaped and are rolling down the sides of my face. Tears of nerves and tears of overwhelming love.

“Open your eyes, Candace. Look at me.”

“Don’t make me look,” I softly plead. I’m afraid if I watch him, it will remind me too much of watching Jack. I’m scared.

“Baby, please open your eyes. I need you to be here with me. It’s only me.”

When I cautiously open them, I can see the concern in his eyes.

I focus on him and gradually begin to soften myself into him and relax. He takes his time as he starts to gently move inside of me. The room begins to fill with our soft moans and breaths of pleasure, never taking our eyes off of each other. He wraps me up in his strong arms, and I cling my hands around him as we slowly move together.

“God, I love you,” he sighs.

I lean my head up to kiss him, needing more of him. “I love you,” I whisper against his lips.

He’s all around me, and my breathing grows heavy as the air thickens.

He takes my hand and laces his fingers with mine, holding on tightly to each other as he pushes himself deeper inside of me. Grabbing behind my knee, he pulls my leg up around him then runs his hand up my thigh, gripping onto my hip. I’m overcome with the closeness I feel with him on top of me, with him inside of me.

I push my hips against his hold, needing to move with him. Letting go, he runs his hand up my side and into my hair, threading, and gently grabbing. The pleasure he gives me runs from my thighs through my core and up my chest where my heart is enduring most of the intensity. I can no longer keep my eyes open when I begin to feel a swarm of sensations deep inside. I realize I’ve never felt this before, and my legs clench apprehensively to his hips.

“Relax, babe.”

I hang on tightly around his neck as the feeling begins to build. When my hand jerks in his, he says, “Open your eyes. Stay with me.”

They flutter open, and I see the want in his gaze. His face is heated and flushed, and when a whimper escapes me, my breath catches.

“Baby, let go for me.”

` I lock my eyes with his as I fall and begin to shudder beneath him, giving him every piece of me as the intense pleasure radiates through my body. I feel myself pulse and tighten around him as he buries his head in my neck, grunting my name, and I feel his release.

Wrapping my legs tightly around him, I try desperately to hold back the tears that are threatening. I’m completely overwhelmed with emotions. To me, that was my first time. He’s what I have always needed. Being with him like this, together in this special place that only we share, I know I’ll never love anyone the way I love him.

When our breathing slows, he lifts his head, and brushes my hair back. I can feel the tears roll down my temples.

“God, baby, what’s wrong?” he asks, as he brushes my tears away with his thumb.

I shake my head to let him know I’m okay. When I’m finally able to speak, I hand my heart over to him and bare, “Being with you . . . that’s all I want.”

Dropping his head to mine, he confesses softly, “You’re the only one I’ve ever done that with. You’re the only one I’ve ever made love to.”

And with that, I pull his lips back to mine.





Chapter Thirty-Two


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Waking up, I am wrapped up in Ryan. Last night was incredible, being with Ryan in a way I never thought I could. I gave him all of me and have left myself entirely vulnerable to him. When he tells me he will never leave me, I believe him.

I gently ease my way out of his hold, careful not to wake him. I find my clothes that are strewn across the floor and quickly slide them on before walking to the bathroom. Brushing my teeth, I notice a necklace on the counter between the two sinks as I rinse the toothpaste out of my mouth. When I turn off the faucet, I pick up the thin, delicate silver chain that has a flat bar that horizontally connects the chain together. I see that the bar is etched with tiny letters that scribe: And though she be but little, she is fierce.

He had to have lain this here last night after I feel asleep, because I would have noticed it yesterday. Carrying the necklace in my hand, I open the door and see Ryan awake in bed.

He smiles at me when I hold up the necklace. “What’s this?”

“Well, it’s definitely not a birthday gift, because that was two days ago.”

I can’t help but laugh as I slip back into bed with him.

“I love it,” I say as I hand it to him so that he can clasp it around my neck.

When he does, he crawls over me, forcing me down on my back. He drops soft kisses along my collarbone and back up my neck to my ear where he whispers, “Do you know how beautiful you are?”

“Mmmm,” I softy moan.