FADING (A novel)(108)



I turn the water on and step into the large glassed-in shower when steam begins to fill the room. My body is freezing and even though the water is scalding on my skin, I’m still shivering. I close my eyes and let the water wash over me as it slowly starts to warm me up.

I’m startled when I hear the door open.

“What are you doing?!” I squeal when Ryan closes the glass door behind him and wraps his arms around my waist.

“It’s time to ante up, babe.” Dipping his head under the running water, he pushes me against the cool wall, and slides his hand back through his wet hair.

Running my hand up and around his neck, he lowers his head to mine and kisses me. He easily pulls me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist, locking my ankles. The air is thick with steam, making my breathing labored as Ryan nibbles playfully along my neck and ear.

I’ve been wishing that there was someone just like him, and now that he’s found me, I feel like he has the power to pull me though this madness that has been consuming me.

His wet hand lingers down my neck to my breast, and he presses into me harder. Dropping my head into the curve of his shoulder, I breathe, “I want you.”

“I don’t have anything with me in here.”

“It’s okay. I’ve been on the pill for a while. I trust you.”

He pulls his head back and gives me a confused look. “When did you get on the pill, babe?”

“I’ve been on it. I got it . . .” I drop my head for a second and when I look back up at him I tell him, “I got on it after what happened.”

He goes on to assure me that he’s always been safe and that he’s never had unprotected sex. I know he would never hurt me, and I trust him, so I don’t hesitate when I reaffirm that I want him.

As his bare flesh touches mine, a ragged breath leaves his chest.

“Fuck, babe, you feel so good.”

I love knowing I can give this to him, that he can have me completely, with nothing to separate us. We proceed to spend a lengthy amount of time in the shower making love to each other.

?????

After we eat lunch, we decide to spend the rest of the day being lazy in bed. I pull out the DVDs that he had asked for, and as we lie in bed, we watch a production from last year. I show him the two ensembles that I had lead placements in and one of my duets with Maxim.

As he’s watching one of the ensembles where I have a standout solo, a hint of a smile appears, and for some reason, that tiny gesture has the biggest effect on me. I scoot down in the bed and nestle my head on his chest as he watches me dance.

“I don’t know shit about dancing, babe, but you’re amazing,” he says as he continues to watch.

I can’t help but laugh at him and wrap my arm snuggly around his stomach. When the clip changes to my duet, I know it won’t take him too long to make one of his possessive comments, so I close my eyes and just wait for it.

“Hmm . . .” is all I hear him say for a while, and then it comes. “I don’t like that dude’s hands all over you.”

“Ryan, his hands have to be on me for all the lifts.”

“His hands are on you for more than just lifts, Candace.”

A giggle escapes me and he says, “I’m serious, his hands are all over you.”

“He’s gay!”

“I don’t give a shit. I still don’t like it.”

He is really unbelievable, but I love him all the same, so I simply laugh it off.

When the video ends, he tells me again and again how amazing I am, then proceeds to tell me how incredibly turned on he is, so we get a little playful before opting for a nap in the middle of the day. Having this time to be with him like this is making the thought of graduation that much harder. I love him, and I’m pretty sure I would never move away from him. I push all that aside for the moment and simply relish him.

?????

Ryan and I decided to spend the rest of the week at his mom’s. Both of us have enjoyed the down time. I love spending time with Donna. We have made a couple days out of shopping and dining. But it’s the best when we stay home for dinner, and I can help her cook and clean up. It feels very comfortable and normal, and I crave that feeling at this point.

Ryan took me surfing again, and another day we took his jeep to Long Beach in Washington. We had fun driving up and down the sand along the water. We spent the day out there, building a small fire pit and wrapping up in blankets. I could have spent hours in his arms, staring out at the ocean.

I can’t help but feel like part of his family when I’m with him and Donna. I’m sad to be leaving today, but so happy we got to have this week together. As I’m finishing getting ready in the bathroom, Ryan is packing our bags.

When I slip on my sweatshirt, my jeans tug down enough so that I can see a hint of my heart. I don’t like what this tattoo reminds me of, and for some reason, I don’t think Ryan likes it either. I’ve never asked him, but sometimes when we make love he covers it with his hand.

I shift my pants down slightly to look at it in the mirror. I’ve considered having it removed, but I’ve never done anything to look into what that would involve.

When Ryan opens the door, I quickly yank my shirt down and turn to face him.

Cocking his head, he questions, “What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

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