FADING (A novel)(106)

He’s hot to my touch, and I can feel the sweat beading down my back when he slowly begins to kiss me. Laying us down, I brush a few locks of his hair from his damp forehead.

“‘I love you’ will never be strong enough for what I feel for you.”

Pulling the covers over us, he wraps me in his arms, still inside me, and I know I’ll only ever have this with him—I’ll only ever want this with him.





Chapter Thirty-Four


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“I can’t find shit in here,” Ryan says from deep within my closet.

He offered to help me pack since I didn’t get much sleep last night. I was so wrapped up in the moment that I forgot to take my sleeping pill, and I kept waking up all throughout the night. I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever be able to sleep without them. My dreams weren’t terribly vivid, but when my mind would begin to drift, Jack would find me.

Ryan suggested that I should talk to someone about what happened, but I quickly shut him down, same as I did with Jase when he brought it up months ago. Sitting around and hashing out what happened when all I am trying to do is move on doesn’t sound like it would be beneficial at all.

“Just grab a few pairs of jeans.”

“Which ones? You have like fifty pairs in here.”

Laughing at his dramatics, I say, “It doesn’t matter.”

He walks out of my closet and puts them in my suitcase while I am going through my dresser.

“Could you grab everything that is sitting on my bathroom counter?”

“Yeah.”

When I dig back in my top drawer to find my wool socks, I come across something I haven’t seen in seven months. Pulling it out, I look at it, and I’m immediately taken back to that sterile hospital room. Jase was with me, never letting go of my hand, while the nurse scraped Jack’s bloody flesh from under my nails. I can still feel the stinging of my eyes as my salty tears flowed effortlessly.

I stash Detective Patterson’s business card back in the drawer and close it when I hear Ryan walk out of the bathroom.

“Is this everything?” he asks.

“Umm . . . yeah,” I say as I continue to stand at my dresser, but when my voice comes out shaky, Ryan doesn’t miss it.

“Babe,” he says, and he walks over to me. Placing his hands on my arms, he continues, “I’m sorry about last night. I should have made sure you took your pill.”

I don’t correct him when he assumes my mood shift is due to my lack of sleep.

“No, it’s not your fault. It’s fine.”

Kissing my forehead, we move around my room and finish packing my bags. I put in my dance DVDs that I picked up from the studio the other day.

“Okay, I think that’s everything.” I zip everything shut and Ryan grabs both bags off of my bed, and I lock up as we head out.

I sleep most of the drive to Oregon, but Ryan wakes me up as he exits the highway.

“Where are we?” I say, still groggy.

“Portland.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to stop by Voodoo Doughnut. I’m starving.”

“Do we really need to drive all the way into the city to get a doughnut?” I groan.

Looking at me with all seriousness, he says, “Yes.”

Giving him a half smile, I shake my head. We drive through the city and when we find a parking space, we walk, and get in the line that wraps around the building.

Standing in line with a variety of sugar-crazed Portland hippies, we finally make our way inside the artsy grunge doughnut shop. I stand next to the glass display and stare at the insane doughnuts that rotate on the round trivets. I look over at Ryan and ask, “You’re really going to eat one of those?”

“You are too. What do you want?”

“None.”

“Okay, then, I’ll pick for you.”

Shaking my head, still feeling tired, I let him choose for me.

Looking down at me, he gets an evil grin and says, “I’m getting you the cock and balls doughnut.”

“Ryan!” I elbow him in the ribs and start looking at the menu behind the registers.

He’s still laughing at me when the girl behind the register starts taking our order.

I carry the pink box and set it on one of the tables outside. I pull out my doughnut that is covered in Fruit Loops, and Ryan takes his creepy voodoo doll-looking doughnut with a pretzel stick that is stabbed through the heart. I laugh at him when he bites off the head and winks at me.

We take our time as we get wired on sugar and laugh together. When the light mist starts to thicken into heavier drops, I toss the remainder of my doughnut that I’m too full to finish, and we head back to the car to resume our drive to Cannon Beach.

We get to his mom’s house about an hour later, and it’s close to dinnertime. I am so happy to see Donna, and she is sweet enough to help Ryan unpack my bags when she sees how tired I am. Ryan explains to her that I had a rough night, and she goes downstairs to get me some hot tea.

Running his hands up and down my arms, he asks, “Are you hungry, babe?”

“No, I’m just so tired my head hurts,” I say as I rest my forehead on his chest.

“Why don’t you change and lie down?”