Blind Kiss(75)

“Hey! Surprise, surprise,” she said as she hugged me. She smelled like heaven. I missed her arms around me.

“You look fantastic, P. Do you always get dressed up to hang out in front of Subway?”

“Ha! I was hoping to meet the strip mall owner. I’m thinking about converting this place back into a dance studio once Subway’s lease is up, but I’m not sure if I have the funds.”

“That would be amazing. Can’t you guys sell one of your cars or something? Or maybe a Tag watch?”

She laughed.

“Oh, shut it. Let’s grab some lunch. You keep saying you want to catch up, but I haven’t seen you in so long. We can walk across the street to that little pub by Bank of America, if you want to?”

“You just read my mind. I’ll drive, by the way.”

She looked at me suspiciously. “Big news?

I shook my head. “Let’s get a drink first.”


I DROVE US both over and parked by the bank. I was positively shaking by that point. I didn’t know how Penny would react to my news. On our way into the pub, she spotted an outgoing mailbox and dropped in the envelope she was carrying.

At the bar, I ordered a beer and she ordered Chardonnay and some beer-cheese pretzels. I was surprised. Penny usually stuck to salad.

“That’s different for you.” She looked like she’d lost a lot of weight.

“Don’t think you can distract me so easily. Tell me what’s going on. Did you break up with Briel?”

I guzzled my beer and took a deep breath. “Don’t be mad, okay?”

She looked surprised. “Why the hell would I be mad?” she said before picking up her glass of wine and downing the whole thing.

“Jesus, Penny.” She motioned to the bartender for another glass.

“Spill, Gavin.”

“Briel is pregnant.”

Penny started breathing fast, her nostrils flaring. The bartender refilled her glass. She downed it and slammed it on the counter.

“Shit, Penny! Be careful. You almost shattered your glass!” My voice was getting high and loud.

“You’re moving to fucking France?!” Now she was yelling. I had to get her out of the bar.


HALF AN HOUR later, I was exhausted. We had just had our first knock-down, drag-out fight in what seemed like forever, and now we were standing in the Bank of America parking lot, her face covered in tears and Charlize running behind me.

“Is this it?” she asked.

“This is it, P.”

She wrapped her arms around me, and I tried to commit the feeling of her, the smell of her, to my memory.

I got into Charlize and revved the engine. “We’ll talk on the phone or email or something, okay?”

“Okay,” she said.

I nearly choked on my next words. “I wish it were you, Penny.”

As I drove away, tears started streaming down my face. I felt my phone vibrate and pulled it out of my pocket.


Penny: Lance and I are getting a divorce. I thought you should know.

I nearly drove off the road. The manila envelope she dropped in the mailbox. Her ranting and raving about how alone she was about to be. Suddenly, it all made sense.

Fuck.





36. Present Day


PENNY

After I texted Gavin, I got into my car and drove the speed limit all the way home, listening to the old songs Gavin and I loved, like “Plainsong” by The Cure. I cried and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.

I returned to an empty house. I plopped down on the couch and flipped on the TV. Buckley jumped up to sit next to me, and for the first time, I didn’t kick him off.

I texted Milo.


Me: Hi Honey. How’d your day go? Did you already head over to Kale’s?


Milo: Yeah, I’m here. His mom is gonna drop us off at the movies.


Me: Okay. Be smart.


Milo: It’s kinda hard for me not to be.


Me: Ha! But don’t be a smartass.


Milo: Did Gavin tell you he’s moving?


Me: Yep, and having a baby too.


Milo: Wow! He didn’t mention that. How’d you take it?


Me: I’m ok. I’m always ok.


Milo: I know. Did you show him your tattoo?


Me: No, but I’m sure he would have been shocked.


Milo: I love you, Mom.


Me: Love you too.

I never took naps during the day but TV wasn’t appealing to me and I was emotionally exhausted. I fell asleep with Buckley curled up beside me.


AT SEVEN, I woke up, ate three crackers, and uncorked a bottle of pinot noir, wishing Kiki or my mom or Ling were there with me. I had to learn to get used to being alone more than I ever thought I would. I checked my phone to see if Gavin had responded and noticed there were two messages from Lance.


Lance: Did you sign the papers? Please don’t forget, Penny.


Me: I dropped them in the mail today. I promise.


Lance: Thank you. See you tomorrow at Milo’s game.


Me: K.

I undressed down to my underwear and threw on a long T-shirt I had stolen from Gavin years ago that had a graphic of a cat wearing a police officer’s hat above the words Who’s Laughing Meow? It made me smile, but the moment was fleeting. At least I had Buckley.