Blind Kiss(80)

“What?!” I shouted impatiently.

“He was going to tell you and Milo over dinner. He has a girlfriend. I ran into them at the movies.”

“Really?” I said quietly.

“Yes, a doctor. She’s one of his clients.”

“Is she pretty?”

Kiki paused for too long. “Never mind,” I said. “Good for him.”

“I’m sorry, Penny. I told him to just tell you over the phone, that you don’t like being put into uncomfortable situations.”

“You’re right, Keeks; thank you. I’m going to call him now.”

“Don’t tell him—”

“It doesn’t matter anymore anyway.”

I called him and told him I knew, and that the family dinner was unnecessary. He seemed relieved that he didn’t have to tell me himself. He also admitted that it was early, but that he had known her for a while. I held it together. And then I called my mom.

“Mom,” I said. Suddenly, I was crying.

She came straight over. I told her about Gavin getting married and Lance’s new girlfriend.

Hugging and rocking me from side to side, she said, “Life will change and change again. You just have to find a port in this storm. It doesn’t have to be another person, Penny. Find something just for you.”

Weeks later, I texted Gavin that I’d dropped Milo off at MIT. Instead of responding to me, he called Milo directly.


I CAME BACK from Boston to Fort Collins to an eerily quiet house—and a package on my doorstep. Inside was a set of keys and a letter. I recognized Gavin’s handwriting immediately.

Dear Penny,

This felt too personal for texting. Inside, you’ll find a birth announcement. Elodie Adela Berninger came into this world screaming bloody murder, but thankfully she was a perfectly healthy eight pounds four ounces. She’s beautiful, Penny. I wanted you to be her godmother but Briel fought me on it until I finally gave up. I’m sorry. In my heart you’re her godmother—please know that.

The keys belong to the four retail spaces located in the strip mall where your old ballet studio was. I bought the building and added your name next to mine on the deed. I had a hefty chunk of cash after selling the garage, and I needed to reinvest it.

If you wouldn’t mind helping me manage the property, it’s all yours, rent-free. Fort Collins will be lucky to have you teaching dance to their daughters.

I’m sorry I’ve been distant. Things have been rough here. Let’s talk soon.

Love, Gavin





39. Five Months After That


PENNY

Lance said he’d never get married again, but he said nothing about not having more kids. Deanna, his doctor girlfriend, was pregnant. I guess it was me all those years who couldn’t conceive. I congratulated them. I didn’t care anymore.

My dance studio was up and running. I put every ounce of energy I had into it. All my classes filled up so fast that I had to hire another teacher and a receptionist to help me run it. I talked to Gavin only when it concerned the building—just short, businesslike texts. Otherwise, I was left to fantasize about our last night together. I had accepted that he had moved on, and I was moving on, in my own way. Milo was doing wonderfully at school, my mother was dating a man from the lab, Kiki and Ling maintained their fierce independence, and I was . . . content. I got so much joy out of teaching—more than I thought I ever would.

But after a late night in the studio, I got a text from Gavin.


Gavin: I need you, P. Call me.

I called him immediately.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hi.”

“God, it’s good to hear your voice.”

“What’s going on? Where are you?”

“I just left our apartment to take Elodie for a walk. I’m so miserable, P.”

“I’m so sorry.” But my tone was curt. My compassion for him was dwindling. He’d made his bed—now he needed to lie in it.

“Everything she does bugs me, even the way she says my name.”

“I’m fine, too, by the way; Lance and his girlfriend are having a baby.”

“Did you hear me? I said I’m miserable. I don’t know what to do.”

I could feel myself boiling over. “I’m sorry, Gavin. I’m sorry you got Briel pregnant and now you’re stuck in France.”

“Elodie is the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he said defensively.

“Wonderful! Then why are you complaining?”

“Because I’m not in love with Briel, and having a child with someone you don’t love is hard.”

“Preaching to the fucking choir.”

“Jesus, what’s your problem?”

“I’ve just run out of solutions for you, and I can’t bear to hear you talk about Briel that way. Leave her if you don’t love her. You have options.”

“No, I don’t. You don’t understand.”

“Fine, then buck up. Be a father, be a husband. Life will change, Gavin, and then it will change again. Stop acting like your life is over.”

“I can’t talk to you anymore.”

I took a deep breath. “Look, I’m so grateful to you for this studio. It saved me. But not having you in my life has been hard on me. You don’t seem to mention that it’s hard on you. All you talk about is how you don’t get along with Briel.”