Blind Kiss(76)

Plopping back on the couch with my wine, I began flipping through the channels without any luck. Finally, after several minutes, I decided to switch to music. Out of some form of self-torture, I drank more red wine and put on Dan Auerbach’s “When the Night Comes” because it was the saddest song I could think of. But at least it got me off the couch and onto my toes. I danced for about thirty seconds when my phone pinged. It was a text from Gavin.


Gavin: Got your text from earlier. Still processing it. You okay?


Me: Yeppo.


Gavin: You alone? What are you doing?


Me: I’m always alone. Just drinking and dancing.


Gavin: Dangerous combination. Can I watch?

What the hell is his deal?


Me: Where are you?


Gavin: In your driveway.


Me: Creeper.


Gavin: Yep.

I ran to the door and swung it open. Standing in the doorway like I was twenty-one again, clad in only a T-shirt, I took him in. He was wearing his jeans cuffed at the ankle, Converse, a black T-shirt, two days of growth on his face, and a cocky-ass grin.

“Nice shirt, you little klepto,” he said, twirling his keys around his index finger.

“I thought I would never see you again.”

“Have I ever been predictable?”

“Come in.” He followed me down the hall toward the living room. I poured him a glass of wine and handed it to him.

He sipped his wine delicately. I loved watching him drink wine. He was watching me, too, and there was a little twinkle in his eyes, like he was kissing me with them.

“Well, Tiny Dancer, I came here to see a show.”

“Right.” I said. I moved our white couch out of the way. Gavin took a seat on the floor near the stone fireplace, crossing his feet at the ankles. Buckley curled up on his lap.

I flipped the same song on from the beginning and made up a little routine to it—a combination of contemporary dance and ballet. I danced with my eyes closed, unselfconsciously. What the hell did it matter anymore?

When the music ended, I stopped and opened my eyes. Gavin stood and walked toward me, never taking his eyes off mine.

He picked up the wireless speaker and my phone, grabbed my hand, and led me down the hall to the guest room. We stood face-to-face a foot apart while he held the small speaker between us. “Put that song on again and tell me you believe there’s a God.”

I put the song on repeat, set the speaker down, reached up, and placed my hands on his cheeks. The light coming from the hallway was enough to see the blissful look on his face. Leaning up on my toes wordlessly, I told him I believed there was a God. And then I kissed him.

When I pulled away, his eyes were still closed. “Was that like our sweet blind kiss or your mean hate-kiss?” I asked.

“Neither. It was better than both.”

“Are you still leaving in two days?” My throat ached.

He nodded, looking more regretful than I had ever seen him in my life. His eyes were glassy. “I have to. Even knowing that you’re not with Lance . . . my own situation hasn’t changed. You wouldn’t love me if I abandoned my child.”

“You’re right.”

When he dropped to his knees, I gasped. He lifted my shirt enough to kiss the tiny bow on the front waistband of my panties. My hands found his hair.

“Let me love you tonight, please, Penny?”

“But what about—”

“Shhh,” he whispered against my belly. “We deserve this. We’ve been waiting so long.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to let you go after this.”

“Yes, you will. You’re the strongest person I know.”

When I lifted the T-shirt over my head, he ran his hands up my sides and found the tattoo. “On the ribs? Ouch, that hurts.”

Not enough, I thought. He squinted to read the words under my left breast.

my breath

my joy

Milo Liam

He kissed it. “Beautiful,” he said quietly. “I can’t believe you inked your virgin skin. This is perfect, though.” He kissed it again and made me squirm.

“I’m gonna light you up, Penny. We’re gonna do this and then fall asleep together, and tomorrow, I’ll wake you up gently.”

“Oh my God . . .” I don’t think anyone ever made me feel that way with words alone.

Pushing me onto the bed, he slid my panties down my legs. He kissed me between the thighs, making me writhe. Reaching back, he turned the dimmer up just enough so we could see each other. “I can’t do this blind. You’re too beautiful. I want to look at you,” he said.

“Take your clothes off. There’s clearly an imbalance here.” I pointed to my naked body and then to his fully clothed self. He chuckled while he kicked off his shoes. A moment later, he was naked. I looked at his tall, tattooed frame: muscular, lean, and painfully turned on. I had never seen Gavin totally naked. He was impressive.

When he crawled onto the bed, slowly moving up my body, I started to panic. He kissed me but I was somewhere else, thinking about what I had done to my life.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“I can tell, P.” He rolled onto his side and leaned up on his elbow.

“Can we just talk for a while? I’m sorry.”