Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)(68)

Eyes glazed with desire, he flashed me a wolfy grin. “Just you, Lex. I just want it from you.”

There was a lie in there, or perhaps more of a half-truth. “And Arys,” I said. “You’ve been with Arys.”

Shame flicked through his gaze, but it was not accompanied by true guilt. “I missed you. He missed you. Can you blame us?”

No, I couldn’t. I didn’t. Much as I’d once hated the thought of them sharing something so intimate, Arys was the only vampire I’d ever trust Shaz with. I didn’t even trust him with me.

The need to make Shaz see that he shouldn’t trust me either drove me. Slipping into the vampire mindset, I jerked him close again and ran my tongue over the pulse beating in his neck. His arousal soared, and I basked in it, drawing strength from it. Then without hesitation, I bit him.

For a moment I lost myself so fully in the heady energy surrounding him that I saw nothing but Shaz, felt nothing but Shaz. And it felt so f*cking right that it almost killed me. Because I knew it wasn’t.

Werewolf blood spilled warm onto my tongue. I sighed as he groaned. We were both getting off on this exchange. So why was it wrong again? I wrestled with myself, a back and forth argument in my head.

The darkness demanded that I take it all the way and feast on every beat of his heart. But that was all it was, a demand that I chose not to answer. I was sure then that there was no darkness in this world so great that it could bring me to kill this wolf I loved. And I prayed that I never lived to see the day that I was proven wrong about that.

Shaz pressed against me, drawing my attention to the physical evidence of his arousal. And just like the previous evening with Arys, it snapped me out of the spell.

I shoved him back with a strangled cry. “We can’t do this. I can’t do this.”

Shaz didn’t question it as Arys had. He just knew. He sat splayed against his car, staring at me with dismay that gave way to irritation.

“Too late.” His hand went to his neck, applying pressure to the small wound. “You can’t keep pushing me away.”

Guilt racked me. Pushing them all away seemed to be for the best. If I could somehow put enough distance between myself and all of the men I felt so strongly for, maybe we could all find ourselves again.

Not Arys, a voice inside me whispered. You will never find yourself without him.

I was so f*cking confused.

“I have to go,” I said. “Briggs is expecting me.”

“I’ll be here when you get out. You need me. I’m your balance between the light and dark.” Shaz drew himself up to his full height and squared his shoulders. He seemed to be expecting a fight.

He certainly was the balance. That’s why I could never kill him. He subdued the part of me that wanted such illicit things.

Feeling charged and feisty, I laid another kiss on him, reveling in the taste and scent of wolf. Shaz always felt like home.

“You are.” I nodded, a wistful smile crossing my face. My emotions were a rollercoaster of ups and downs. “But you deserve to be so much more.”

I didn’t give him a chance to respond. I got in my car and left him standing there, watching me go. A glance at the clock on the dash told me that Kale’s flight had likely left already. I stuffed the pang of sorrow back down inside, refusing to feel it. Refusing to feel anything. He was gone, and I was numb. I had to be.

Seeking mischief, I parked in the staff parking lot beside the FPA building and waited. As expected, Briggs emerged from the back door minutes later with half a dozen agents in tow. Because I wasn’t stupid, my car was empty of anything incriminating or personal. I was sure they would search it.

“Nice to see you again, Agent Briggs.” I greeted him with a smile that was all malice and held my hands out in a dramatic gesture, awaiting the cuffs I knew were coming.

Briggs nodded to the agent at his side, and the guy stepped forward, pulling the offensive handcuffs from his back pocket. The expression Briggs wore was neutral, hard to read. “You came. I’m glad you still value the well being of your sister above your insatiable need to kill.”

“Well, like I said before, you just don’t know me.” I turned my smile on the agent who slapped the cuffs on me, doing his best not to touch me in the process. “I want to see my sister.”

“Patience, O’Brien,” Briggs said, arms crossed as he studied me. To his agent he said, “Make those things tighter. I don’t want the slightest chance of her slipping them.”

The moment the horrid handcuffs touched me, I felt a stifling sensation as whatever magic was in them effectively caged my power. I couldn’t use my abilities without them bouncing back at me. Though I didn’t know for sure how the FPA came to have such things, I suspected there was a deal with a demon in there somewhere.

As Briggs studied me, I studied him right back. If he planned to leave me cuffed and cut off from all power, we were going to have a problem. I’d held up my end of the bargain. Now he’d better hold up his.

The way he watched me with such thinly veiled satisfaction was concerning. This man had been a huge pain in my ass since the first time we met. I didn’t doubt that our relationship would end with one of us killing the other.

“All right,” Briggs barked. “Let’s get her inside. Follow basic protocol for all inhuman detainees. Do not let your guard down with this one.”