Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)(65)

Kale needed to be free of me. He deserved more. The inner demons that brought us together would never die if we didn’t quit feeding them.

We pulled into the parking lot of a strip mall about halfway to The Wicked Kiss. My sobs had subsided, and my tears had dried up, but my heart was going to hurt for a while.

“What are we doing?” I asked. “I need to get back to the Kiss.”

I did. I was jittery and anguished, in need of the escape I could only find in the kill. I wouldn’t do it at the club. Once I got to my car, I could take off and hunt down some unsuspecting craphead in a shitty neighborhood.

Jez turned off the vehicle and turned to me. “So you can take off and kill something. Right? I know that’s what you want, Alexa, because I want it too. Not the killing things part. The escape. The addiction.”

I met her gaze across the darkened interior. There was a sadness in her lovely green eyes, but they also held serious determination. She was right, and she knew it. And she was also ready to talk, not just about my issues but her own.

“It is,” I agreed. “And you’re right. It’s a hell of an addiction. One I don’t think I’ll ever kick. Not as long as I need it to survive.”

Jez scoffed and leaned over to punch my arm. “You need blood to survive. You don’t need the power trip and the trail of bodies.”

I winced and rubbed the spot she’d hit. “I beg to differ on the power trip part, but I’ll give you the trail of bodies.”

She was quiet for a moment. She seemed to be choosing her words carefully, and I knew this was going to get serious. Once she reached to take my hand, I started to grow worried.

“Lex, I’m having a really hard time kicking the drugs. And honestly, part of me doesn’t even want to.” Jez peered out the window as she spoke. Her hand in mine shook ever so slightly. “I need your help. And you need mine. If we don’t pull each other out of this black hole, we’ll self-destruct. Alone. I don’t want that to happen.”

I didn’t want it to happen either. And it could. It really could. “Me neither,” I said, stroking a thumb over the back of her hand. Her skin was warm. “You’re right. We need to have each other’s backs. I don’t want to be a slave to my desires, and I won’t abandon you with yours. We’ll take care of each other. Somehow.”

Her shoulders slumped as she visibly relaxed. A look of relief passed over her heart-shaped face. “I don’t want to dump my problems on you when you’re still transitioning, but there’s no one else I can share this with.”

“No, you’re not dumping. Don’t think that for a second. Please. I’m glad you told me. I want to be there for you.” I stared at our joined hands. I really loved this girl. So I had to tell her. “Jez, there’s something I need to talk to you about. It’s about that night when you ODed.”

She laughed and let her head fall back against the seat. “Why do I get the feeling this is something I don’t really want to hear?”

When Jez and I had gone through the files I’d swiped from Veryl, she’d been completely unfazed to discover her parentage was documented. She’d known all along that a demon had fathered her. At the time she’d seemed to shrug it off as something she’d accepted and ceased to think about.

“When I called the power to heal you, I had to really go deep and feel your energy.” I paused, knowing there was no way to say it other than to just spit it out. “I felt something dark inside you. It felt calm, dormant even, but definitely dark. Kind of like it was… waiting.”

Jez’s face crumpled up into something like disgust. She ran a hand over her hair and through her long, golden ponytail. “Motherf*cker. I always knew it. Somehow I knew. Guess it was too much to hope that I wouldn’t be like him.”

“But you’re not like him, Jez. You’re you. Although, you may have some traits from him.”

The laugh that filled the Jeep was bursting with bitterness, loathing, and grim amusement. “It’s waiting to make me just like him though, isn’t it? You know what the most f*cked up part is? I’ve been having a lot of weird dreams since then. It makes sense now. Whatever demon seed is in me, it’s waking up. I am so f*cked.”

She was laughing but in a crazed, manic way. I gave her a minute to wind down. It wasn’t easy, that moment when she learned, without a doubt, that there was something demonic living inside her.

“You’re not f*cked,” I said when she’d calmed down. “My power comes from demons. That’s how vampires were created. By the dark. And yes, it’s a struggle. But I’m not all dark, and neither are you. Whatever part of your father is inside you is just that, only part. You will handle this. I promise.”

“Yeah? Just like you’re handling it?” She wasn’t being unfair. There was no animosity to her tone. I would have doubted me too if I were her.

“I’ll be honest with you, Jez. The things I’ve done, the blood on my hands, it makes me wonder how I will face myself in the mirror when I hate what I see there. I was called to battle evil, but instead I’ve become it. I feel like I’m in a war that I have to win, but I don’t know how. Every night, I care less than I did the night before.” I stopped, unable to believe that had all just spilled out.

“Shit, Lex.” Jez shook her head, sympathy creasing her brow.