Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)(67)

His hair was a little longer than he usually let it get, almost shaggy. He looked tired, like he hadn’t been sleeping much. “Don’t worry. I’m not here to try to talk some sense into you. But I do want to talk.”

“Now isn’t really the best time for me.” I shot a glance at the looming, darkened building down the street. For all I knew, Briggs was watching us right now.

“I won’t keep you long,” he said, running a hand through his hair. There was such uncertainty in his eyes. He looked lost. “I just can’t take the thought of you going in there and never coming out. If I don’t get this off my chest, I’ll go crazy.”

I scoffed. “Welcome to the club.”

Part of me wanted Briggs to come out and drag me away, anything to avoid this one-on-one encounter with Shaz. I wasn’t ready for this. I probably never would be.

Shaz crossed his arms and leaned against the back of his car. I mirrored him, leaning against the front of my car. I expected him to say many things.

What I didn’t expect was what came out of his mouth next. “You can’t go in there without being at your strongest, and you can’t do that without feeding from someone powerful. Like me. I’m here so you can do that.” He regarded me with a direct, fearless stare.

Damn I wished he hadn’t drawn my focus to what I was trying so hard not to focus on. The blood that pumped through his veins was indeed powerful, more so than any human blood ever could be. It was also addictive. I’d hunted more than one vampire in the past who had become fixated on shifter blood.

“Is that all? Feels like there’s more, something you’re not saying.” It took great effort to stare into his eyes rather than at his neck. Shit. I was such a typical vampire.

“There is more,” he confirmed with a nod. “I want you to accept that our relationship has changed but that we are still us, Lex. You and me. That doesn’t change just because you did.”

“Doesn’t it?” I asked with a brow raised, unable to fathom how someone as smart as Shaz was able to deceive himself so completely.

He shook his platinum head. His expression was stern, hardened in stubborn refusal. “You fed off me before you turned. Why should that change now? Let me be the one, Alexa. You can take what you need from me. We can still have what we had before.”

Despite his plea, there was no desperation in him. Shaz really believed what he said, that we could maintain our relationship even though I would always be the predator and he, my prey. It wasn’t right.

“Shaz, you know you’re too good for that kind of thing, don’t you? I see you as my equal. I always have. But if we carry on like that, you become only my victim. And that’s just not fair to you.”

He blinked a few times before pushing away from the car, crossing the small space between us. In a bold, possibly reckless move, he trapped me against my car, leaning in close with a hand on the hood on either side of me.

“If I thought it was unfair, I wouldn’t be here right now. I am not afraid of you. Stop trying to convince me that I should be.” With wolf fangs bared, he brazenly nipped at my bottom lip before kissing me with a passion that could only come from the beast within.

My wolf responded in full. She threw herself against my insides and unable to resist the call of his beast, I grabbed a handful of soft, blond hair and kissed him back with an all-consuming need that set free a part of me I’d tried so hard to cage.

The vampire side of me wouldn’t be outdone. It rose up hard and fierce, sweeping us both up in the thrall of it. Shaz’s kiss grew aggressive, demanding. His fingertips dug into my back as he clutched me tight.

Shaz didn’t know what he was asking. Or maybe he did, but he had no idea what it would do to us both. The changing dynamic of our relationship had never sat well with me. I knew that, to some extent, it couldn’t be avoided, but things had changed too much. Though he would age slower than a human, he would still age. And I would not. When would he realize that this could never be? Not really. Not anymore.

Those anguished thoughts drove me to a dark place. If he wouldn’t see it for himself, I would have to make him see. “You say you’re not afraid of me, but that doesn’t change the fact that I could kill you in a heartbeat.” With a sudden burst of violence, I shoved him, almost throwing him down on the ground between both cars.

Since it wasn’t the first vampire-strength shove Shaz had taken, he recovered fast, keeping his balance. His hands clenched into fists, and his wolf looked out at me through his eyes. It was exciting. I knew facing off with Shaz would be exhilarating. The darkness wanted me to do it, to push him, to see how far he would go.

Much to my surprise, Shaz smiled. Because he knew me too damn well. “I know what you’re doing,” he said. “And it’s not going to work.” Then he grabbed me with a roughness that thrilled me and gave me a shake. “Do you want to kill me? Because I don’t think you do. But if you need to try so you can get it out of your system, then I’m ready.”

He kissed me again. It was angry, daring, and filled with the longing of a man who had been patient for far too long.

Killing Shaz was not something I wanted. However, I’d already tried, the night I first awoke as vampire. The chance of losing control was always there. And I’d rather die than ever truly hurt him.

Fisting a handful of his hair, I jerked his head back and peered into his pretty, green wolf eyes. “You want it, don’t you?” I snarled. “The bite. The power. You never really did kick that, did you?”