Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)(66)

I rushed to clarify before she could think too much on what I’d just shared. “I don’t mean to get all dramatic and self-loathing on you. I just mean, I understand. I’m right there with you. A hybrid. Two natures in conflict. But if they can’t live together, then only one can win.”

Her head bobbed as she nodded and turned in her seat so she was facing out the front. She gripped the steering wheel until I thought she might tear it right off the column.

“So we find a way for them to live together,” she said, sounding defeated. “I’m sure that won’t be insanely difficult or anything.” She restarted the Jeep and began to drive, as if she needed to busy herself.

It was my turn to laugh bitterly. So far I had failed quite miserably in my attempt to balance my two opposing natures. “It’s going to be the hardest thing we’ll ever have to do.” I studied her in the dim interior, searching her for the fierce cat I knew lay inside. “What kind of dreams have you been having?”

She drove without responding for so long I began to worry they were too horrible to speak aloud. Then in a breathy whisper she said, “I dream of seeing myself with black eyes.”

A chill crept down my spine at her words. “Jez, when I go into the FPA lockup, promise you won’t come in after me, no matter who else does. That place is evil, and it could wake up your dark side.”

She screeched to a halt at a red light, and I put a hand on the dash to stop myself from being thrown into it. Her green eyes flashed solid wildcat. “That’s a terrible idea, you know. You can’t help Juliet once you’re inside. They might not even let her go. Or, they might not even have arrested her. This could all be a ploy to get you in there.”

All of these were things I’d already considered. Turning myself in was a huge risk. I knew that. What choice did I have? If they did have my sister, I couldn’t leave her there. I’d already left her once, and that’s how they’d gotten ahold of her. At the time, I hadn’t known she had survived the wolf attack. Still, I should have made sure.

“It could be. If I go down, I’ll find a way to take Briggs with me.” There was nothing else I could be sure of, but I was sure of that. “Will you be ok for a night or two?”

She shrugged and gunned the engine when the light turned green. “I’m sure I can manage. Just be careful in there. Ok?”

My mind raced as I began to worry about leaving Jez to deal with her addiction alone. Kale wouldn’t be around to keep an eye on her now.

“Promise me something,” I said, waiting for her to nod before continuing. “If you find yourself in a really bad place, call Shaz. He’s the most compassionate, gentle soul I know. He’ll help.”

“All right. I promise.” Like the crazy driver she was, she took her eyes off the road to pierce me with a pointed stare that lasted much too long to be road safe. “Now you promise to do whatever it takes to get out of that place. With Kale leaving, if something happened to you… I just can’t. I can’t lose you.”

No pressure, right? I sat back in my seat and tried to keep a clear head. Jez never showed weakness like this. It worried me. Nobody could be expected to be tough all the time. We all needed to fall apart sometimes. I just really hoped that it didn’t happen for her while I was behind bars.

Chapter Eighteen

Another fitful day at home tossing and turning in bed only to be awoken by horrible dreams had me eager to leave when the sun dipped below the horizon. Again my wolf guided me to the patio door where I stared out at the landscape, longing to be part of it. Again I turned away, unable to get past the fear holding me back. Also, I didn’t have much time. Briggs would be expecting me.

Kale and Jenner would be at the airport. For just a split second, I thought of every stupid TV show and movie where one person rushed to the airport to stop another from leaving, and I almost considered it. But that just wasn’t our style, Kale and I.

Besides, I’d never make it in time.

My phone revealed several missed calls from Arys and Shaz. Much to my surprise Arys had kept his distance since I’d left him at The Wicked Kiss the previous night. Part of me had expected a last ditch attempt from him at keeping me from turning myself in.

When I left the house, dressed for a fight in comfortable yoga pants and a thin hoodie over a tank top, I paused to listen to the sounds of the night. The stars were already popping out overhead. The moon was a half-lit orb that beckoned me.

With a sigh, I whispered, “Soon. I promise.”

As I sped down the highway to the city, I was torn between taking the time to hunt or heading straight to the FPA building with my hunger raging. It would serve Briggs right to have to feed my hunger, though I couldn’t trust him not to sacrifice an innocent to do so.

Feeling reckless, as was my nature these days, I threw caution to the wind and stopped only at The Wicked Kiss to stash my phone, dagger, and wallet in Harley’s room, then headed straight to the government headquarters. I drove around the block so I could give the place an appraisal before going in. It looked as dead and quiet as it always did.

One thing stood out as abnormal though, the blue Chevy Cobalt parked down the street. Shaz was here. I hadn’t seen that coming. Point for him.

I pulled up behind his car, feeling both annoyed and nervous. Could I trust myself alone with him?

“What are you doing here, Shaz?” I asked when we both stood between our cars. I tried to keep what I thought was a safe distance but doubted there was any such thing.