Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)(64)

“Alexa.” My name was a ragged sigh on his lips. “God, this is killing me. I don’t want to do this. I just know I have to.”

I nodded even though I didn’t want to agree. “Yeah, I know. Part of me wants to beg you to stay, but part of me knows that things would only get worse. We would get worse. And we’re bad enough as it is.”

Kale tucked a strand of hair behind my ear before tangling his hand in my long locks. He pulled me close and rested his forehead against mine. We stood there like that in silence, just feeling one another.

Finally he said, “I love you too much to be the one who keeps you from being who you’re meant to be. But I will never forget everything we’ve shared. And I will never love anyone the way I love you.”

I groaned, his words evoking the deepest of emotion. Tears threatened, and I fought them so hard I trembled. My fingers dug into the leather of his jacket, and I searched for the words that I knew he needed to hear as badly as I needed to say them.

“I would do anything for you, Kale,” I started, voice quavering. “Part of you belongs to me because of what I am, but part of me belongs to you because of who you are. That part of me will always be yours, and it will never stop missing you.”

I broke then, unable to continue. The tears won the battle, spilling down my face in a torrent of red. My vision blurred, and my mind screamed for release from this horrible moment.

Kale kissed a few of the tears away before stroking a gentle thumb through the rest. “I’m not leaving you, Alexa. Please, don’t look at it that way. I’m setting you free.”

I wasn’t sure I could take much more. “Like I should have done for you. I’m glad one of us is strong enough.”

“No.” Kale shook his head. “Don’t blame yourself. We’re beyond that.”

I gazed into his fabulous eyes, hating that this was the last time I would look into them, for a while at least. “I don’t think I can ever be set free. I will always want you.”

“But I’m not the one, and we both know it.” Kale laughed, bitter and harsh. “Maybe it’s nothing less than what we deserve, after everything we’ve done. Especially me.”

I touched his face, guiding his lips to mine. “I thought we weren’t blaming ourselves.”

With a shake of his head, he fell silent. He kissed me with all of the feeling and passion of one who knew this kiss might be the last. That sweet, honey-drenched energy screamed with a torment so similar to what I felt in my soul. Maybe he was right. Maybe we deserved this pain.

The depths of his longing resonated throughout me as we clung to one another. I kept picturing him in that big, bright, and noisy city with Jenner, and it just felt so wrong. He belonged here, with me. Except… he didn’t.

I didn’t want to accept that. Couldn’t accept that. But what choice did I have?

“Promise me,” he said, his lips moving on mine as he spoke. “Promise me that you’ll keep working with Brinley and seek out others like him. They need you. That’s who you’re meant to be.”

My reply was forced, a broken mess of sound. “I promise. I will.”

“I’ll keep in touch,” he promised. “Unless that’s too hard for you.”

“No, I want you to.” Perhaps that was a mistake, but I just couldn’t let him go without knowing he was doing ok there with Jenner. Without me. Ugh.

He slipped his arms around me, and I rested my head on his chest. My bloody tears were making a mess of his shirt, but he didn’t seem to care. We stood there together under the night sky, the stars hidden by streetlights. If this were a movie, it might be the part where the credits started to roll, or perhaps a fade to black that opens on a new, happier scene. Well, f*ck Hollywood for pushing that kind of romantic bullshit. There would be no simple wrap up here, no clean and tidy end to our story.

Kale pulled back with obvious reluctance. He cast a glance at the Jeep. “You should probably go so you two have some time together before sunrise. Keep an eye on her for me.”

“Of course.” I nodded, following his gaze to where Jez sat slumped in the Jeep, staring in the opposite direction.

“And one other thing,” Kale said, bringing my gaze back to him. “Don’t punish Arys for this. He’s trying to do what’s best for you both, as should you.”

Ouch. That kinda hurt. I didn’t expect him to throw the ol’ A-bomb around at a time like this, but I understood where he was coming from.

“I know.” I didn’t want to leave. Would it be so wrong to spend the day together? One last time in his bed together? Yes, yes, it would.

As if reading my mind, Kale said, “I wish you could stay, but if you did, I don’t think I’d have the strength to get on that plane.” He kissed me again with a longing that threatened to devour me. “I love you.”

Before either of us could change our minds about everything, he turned and walked away. I watched him go, wanting to chase after him, knowing I couldn’t. Quickly, before I could rethink it, I got into the Jeep. Unable to speak, I motioned for Jez to drive. She regarded me with concerned cat eyes but put the Jeep in gear and hit the gas.

When we left Kale’s neighborhood behind, I lost all control and began to cry with great, heaving sobs. I was scared to death to let him go, afraid the fragile thread connecting us would snap over fourteen-hundred miles.