Back in the Saddle (Jessica Brodie Diaries #1)(78)

“Oh. That’s what happens in hospitals. People die.”

“That’s a pretty morbid assessment. People are born in them, too.”

“It is morbid. My dad died in a hospital. His body was riddled with cancer and tumors by the end.” I looked out at the buildings and trees flying by. “He was in the hospital off and on for about two years. I can only think of that experience whenever I walk into one. God only knows what I am going to do if I ever get pregnant.”

“I’m sorry. It must have been hard to visit Gladis.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know why I just told you that.”

“I’m glad you did.”

I didn’t have the energy to scoff.

We passed the next while in silence. I absently switched the radio to a top 40 station. We were leaving the city by this time and I turned to look at him.

“It was nice of you and your family to visit Gladis. Her children have only called. None have shown up.”

“I suspect she’ll have quite a few visitors in the next couple days. Mark my words, when she’s back to full health she’ll throw a party to thank everyone for coming. Her parties used to be something to look forward to.”

“I hope she doesn’t throw herself down the stairs next time just to have a party after.”

“She just might.” He paused for a minute, then, “You two seem to be pretty close.”

“Yeah. She looks after me. In this town I have apparently needed it. I owe her a lot.”

“I doubt that. She needs companionship just as you do. I told you how she talked about you.”

We went up a hill and turned off the road to a smaller hill. We followed that up to the top and turned off again. He parked and got out. I followed suit.

This little spot over-looked pasture land with cows spread out below us. The sun had started its slow dive to the horizon millions of miles away. There was a splattering of clouds in an otherwise clear sky.

“It is beautiful,” I said.

“It is. I come up here when I need to be away from the city and farm. Do you mind sitting on the ground?”

“Not at all. I am obviously not in my finest.”

He chuckled and we sat, overlooking the valley.

“I am sorry if I hurt you last night. And the night at Froggy’s,” he said softly.

“William, I don’t want to talk about this.”

“I need to say this, Jessica. I behaved badly and I need to explain.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Please, Jessica.” He was half begging. I wasn’t sure if my new defense of numb could stand up to this.

I nodded once. He continued. “At Froggy’s, I enjoyed dancing with you. I might have enjoyed it a bit too much, which was the reason for what I said. I shouldn’t have made a spectacle of you like that in front of everybody. People might have thought less of you because of me. I am not in a position in my life to be tied down with anyone right now. I am at the beginning of a few enterprises that need my constant attention.” He paused and let out his breath.

Here it comes.

“I am being groomed to take over the business, I have my breeding things going and I have obligations. I wanted to get all that under way before I got involved with anybody.”

“William, I am not looking to get involved with you.” Anymore. “Quite the contrary, actually.”

He hung his head a little. “I’m coming to that.” He took a deep breath and continued, “I haven’t had the problem of being attached since I broke up with my longtime girlfriend five years or more ago. First love and all that.” He shook his head. “It went on longer than it should have, and since then I banished women for the most part. Not from my bed, but... It was how I wanted it. My priorities were set and life was on track. Which was working quite well…until an impossibly gorgeous young lady walked into me and then dove head first into a pile of dog food.”

My head snapped up. His body was bowed over his knees, his eyes downcast, staring at his shoes.

Before I could form words, he kept going. “I saw you the whole time, of course. I was actually walking out to my car when I saw you walking in. I pretended to forget something and hurried to head you off. I wanted a closer look. When you did the triple back flip and came up laughing and embarrassed, I thought I had never seen anyone so beautiful in all my life. So carefree and alive.

“I didn’t want to just take you home for the night, which had been my embarrassing and non-gentlemanly default up until that point. I wanted to talk to you. Meet you. Take you out. That was confusing for me because it hadn’t happened in five years. But I knew it wouldn’t work. There is no way I can fit courting a woman into my life. There is just too much going on.”

I noticed he had slipped into present tense, and quickly dashed the glimmer of hope that had wormed its way into my head.

“I wanted to keep you at an arm’s distance,” he continued, pain returning to his face and filtering into his voice, “since the timing of you in my life was all wrong. Then there was the obvious problem of your not being in high society—well, not a problem for me, I can assure you, but my mother would pitch a fit. I’m sure it sounds stupid, but she always suspects women of going for my wallet.”

He looked out over the valley. I watched emotions playing across his face as he thought about how to phrase what he would say next. He wasn’t trying to hide anymore, he was opening up with his words and his inner feelings. I was in rapt attention.