Back in the Saddle (Jessica Brodie Diaries #1)(75)

"I don't know that I have all that many fans in this neck of the country," I said, elbowing Adam to get more space. I smiled devilishly as he flinched.

"Simply not true."

By the time I looked back at William in surprise, he had directed the conversation to Ty and the latest rodeo. Candace was looking at me funny so I checked my boobs to make sure they were in place. They were where I left them, which was halfway to my neck.

I looked out across the bar, noticing people and checking out men. There wasn't much talent, so I wasn't too worried about being stuck with a bunch of guys that were off-limits. However, there were a couple that I kept going back to. Their faces were a train wreck, but their bodies were pretty good.

Cue flashback to LA with the nice bodied small man with stank sheets. I shivered.

If it hadn't been so long since I sexually sinned, I wouldn't even consider it. But I was sitting with a bunch of really hot men, I hadn't touched a man in months, and I was basically foaming at the mouth. Should shopping come to buying, one of those guys would do the trick.

"See anything you like?"

It took me a second to realize that the comment, lower and amongst other voices, was directed at me.

"I don't... I wasn't... what?" I stammered.

Nice cover, idiot.

William analyzed me like he might a spreadsheet before he asked, "How come you haven't found anyone yet? Is there no one you have your eye on?"

I was not expecting the personal touch from William Davies. I've made a lot of mistakes with men, I've learned a lot of lessons, I've even managed a good decision now and again, but of all I might be anticipating from the guy keeping me at an arm's length, it wasn't a background check on my romantic interests.

I answered like most single girls would when cornered with that question: "Uhhhh...."

I shifted my gaze to Candace for help, and thankfully she was looking at me.

Wait—so was everyone else! They were all politely waiting for my answer.

This just got awkward.

"Oh, well. I haven't really, uh, been looking, I guess."

"Just browsing..." William said jokingly as he pointedly looked out over the bar.

That irritated me. Fuck you, man. I wouldn't have to browse if you weren't such an ass. Well, and you liked me back.

I decided not to let it get to me. I smirked. "I always have time to look over the talent."

"Talent?" Moose asked.

"Talent, yes. Like if appearance was a talent. I am assessing the various talent."

Five sets of eyes turned toward the patrons in the bar.

"See any?" William asked, the first to look back.

"Are you serious?"

Adam thought this whole situation was extremely funny for some reason. He was trying to suppress his chuckles, but I could feel his big body shaking in silent mirth. I had a feeling I had just been caught with my hand in the cookie jar, but confused as to why that was bad.

William nodded, glancing at Adam and then back at me. Adam tried to nonchalantly put his hand over his face to cover his smile. He was as under cover as a Nun in a strip club.

I looked at William like he was growing a third eye, then looked out over the bar again. If he wanted to talk to me like he was my girlfriend, he was going to get a conversation I would only tell the girls. Including "womanizing" comments men probably didn't think women made.

"Okay, if you must know, and I will not be sparing you my bluntness, there are two butter faces that would serve for a night. If they had high pitched voices or smelt bad or something, it would eliminate them from the competition, but I wouldn't mind seeing ‘em na**d in an extreme situation." Felt weird actually saying that out loud to a bunch of dudes.

"Butter face?" "Competition?" "For a night?" "Extreme situation?" Each guy got stuck on a different part of what I’d said. Candace covered her face in shock and looked embarrassed. Her and I had plenty of these conversations.

I sighed. "Guys, look. You asked. If you can't keep up, then stop asking. I'll quickly explain, and then let's change the subject. Oh and, Reverend Davies, before you ask, no, I wasn't actually planning on a one night stand—especially not with a big boobed fake woman with whom you've had a past acquaintance."

William's face went red, but to his credit he didn't flinch or look away. The rest of the boys started hooting and laughing, pounding at the table and nudging William.

"Butter face—a man's term. Good body, ugly face. ‘But her face!’ I could have said a brown bagger, which is a face so ugly it needs to be covered, but butter face sounds better. I’m sure you guys have said something similar a few times…”

Guilty looks.

I continued. “Competition because it is a talent show and I am the judge. The na**d comment should be obvious—seeing a man with a great body na**d is, well, great. Good size is great, too, but I don’t necessarily need to stare at it. Not attractive, that little guy. You all are preoccupied with it, we just like to use it and speculate about it."

The boys stared in mute horror. I bet they weren’t excited about hearing size did matter after all.

"And the extreme situation I was talking about is a drought; not being...uh...with a guy for a while. Not being touched intimately for too long."