Back in the Saddle (Jessica Brodie Diaries #1)(80)

I nodded mutely.

“I will always be that guy for you. I will always hold you when things get to be too much. Even if you move on and start a family, or I do God willing, I will always be there to hold your hand if you need me. That is a promise from a Davies man, no matter what.”

I could see the honesty in his face, in his body. He meant it. I could love another, but he would come if I called. That touched me deeply. Deeper then I knew I went.

He hung his head. “That is me, laying bare my soul for you. I am sorry for thinking lustful thoughts of you. I don’t know your feelings for me, but I won’t trouble you anymore if you like another. I won’t stand in your way if your goal is to leave. I just thought I should finally be truthful.”

I was quiet for a moment, letting the crickets around us fill the void. Letting the soft breeze dry my tears. He liked me the whole time. The whole time. I simply couldn’t believe it.

I laid back on the brittle ground and looked up at the darkening sky. Life was a bitch, wasn’t it? I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to start. I didn’t know how quickly I could get him into my bed.

“William, William. What a twisted web we weave.” He was looking down at me, his face lost to shadow.

“I guess it is my turn, huh?” I asked into the following silence. “Isn’t that how this works? Vulnerability for vulnerability?”

“No, Jess. I ask nothing in return.” I barely heard him he said it so softly.

I took a deep breath. Here goes.

I told him why I had fallen into the dog food. How I kept thinking he didn’t want me, and how much that hurt, but how the hope lingered until last night when I finally gave up. He looked at me like he wasn’t believing what he was hearing, until I got to that part. Then resignation took its place. Still, he listened.

I told him all, just as he told me. How I viewed him as my safety net, my strong place. What everyone always said about him, me thinking the whole thing was impossible, but not being able to put the feeling of him around me aside. I spared nothing for embarrassment sake.

I finished with, “I was aware of every single time you were near. I honed in on you and watched your movements. Had you kissed me at the rodeo, had you torn off my clothes in the middle of the dance floor, I would have given myself willingly. Eagerly. So yeah, I’ve always wanted you. You can only be hurt deeply if you cared deeply in the first place.”

“Did I blow it? Did I ruin any chance I might have had?” Hh asked tentatively.

“Are you asking because you want to have sex with me, or because you want something possibly a little more permanent?”

“Frankly...both.”

My stomach did a back-flip. I didn’t know if I truly believed it, but I was a fool if I didn’t give it a shot.

Goosebumps spread over my body. Numbness gone. I was suddenly nervous. I was trembling all over. It was like the anticipation of my first kiss.

I sat up slowly.

He scooched toward me just as slowly and grazed his hand across my forehead to clear my hair from my face. He traced his index finger down my cheek and along my jaw. With it he lifted my chin slightly and leaned in. His face was inches from mine. His eyes reached into me. I licked my lips in anticipation. He smiled a ghost of a smile and closed the rest of the gap.

His soft lips touched mine in an exploring way. He backed his head up a bit and looked at me again, then leaned in and kissed me a little harder. He opened my mouth and probed with his tongue.

I responded with all the frustration and want from the last couple months. I brought my hands up his toned arms and leaned into the kiss aggressively, putting my arms around his neck. He met my demand, and increased it.

One of his hands rested on the side of my face, the other around my back, bringing our bodies closer. He kissed down my neck, then up to my ear. I moaned in pleasure and felt the playing muscles on his back. I went to the bottom of his shirt and put my hand inside, on his bare skin.

He sighed softly into my ear and gently pushed me away. “If I don’t stop now, I won’t stop at all,” he said.

“I’m okay with that. I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

He looked at me intensely. He traced my neck with his hand as he stared intently into my eyes. He looked around us at the hard packed dirt. Then back at me. I thought for sure we were going all the way right now, right here.

“I want you so bad, Jessica. But not here.”

“Why? It’s perfect. Secluded…”

He laughed. “It’s not that secluded. There is a road up here ‘n all.” He laughed again and brushed my lips with his.

“We’ll be quick.”

“For one, I don’t want to be quick. The opposite, actually.” He backed away and stood up, offering me a hand to get up with him. “For two, it’s dirty and we don’t have a blanket. And three,” he led me to the car where he opened the door for me. “I have to be out at the ranch tonight. Bull riding practice. I want all night with you when we... you know.”

I smirked. “When what? What do I know?”

He leaned his rock hard body against me and put his lips near my ear. “When we share my bed.” He took my ear lobe into his mouth and sucked lightly. He started kissing my neck, then back to my lips. I held onto him tightly and ran my hands across his pecks, then up to his hair.