Back in the Saddle (Jessica Brodie Diaries #1)(74)

As I walked between two guys, both turning to check me out, I saw him. He was wearing the same thing as the hospital. God, he was so beautiful when he smiled like that.

An inexplicable sadness shadowed me. I forgot to be looking elsewhere when I came into view. I couldn’t help but admire his perfect form, his carefree stance, his engaging blue eyes as he noticed me.

His eyes didn’t look over my body like the other guys or even Candace had. He didn’t notice the dress and how good I looked in it. Not even my br**sts, trying to break free, caught his notice. He looked at me with a faltering smile, closing the distance with the intensity of his eyes, before turning back to Adam.

I wilted. I wanted to shrivel where I stood and die. I felt hollow. I felt like I wasn’t enough. Not even looking sensational got me a longer glance. And it was just that. A glance. A skim of the eyes.

Adam looked at me next, his mild eyes taking in my pain without shock. I smiled, trying to hide my misery, trying not to reduce to tears. His face didn’t change, though. Somewhere along the way, Adam learned to recognize my distress.

Not that it was a big mystery where he found the knack.

I got to the table and leant over to tell Candace and Ty I would be leaving. Before I could get the words out, Candace’s gaze switched to over my shoulder. Her supportive gaze turned to a glare.

I straightened up and turned around rigidly.

“Hi Jessica,” William said stoically.

“Hi William,” I mocked, sounding slightly like a robot.

“I wondered...” he started quietly. His expressionless mask cracked a fraction and I thought I could see a glimpse of softness that lay beyond. Or maybe I was hoping again.

He glanced over my shoulder and his face hardened again. “It’s good to see you,” he said, obviously taking the polite route. “It’s been a long time. You look beautiful tonight, by the way. Would you like a drink? They have champagne.”

I nodded confusedly, though my beer was on the table. I had expected harsh words, based on his facial expression. I didn’t expect the gentleness. The soft hush.

I discontentedly slid into the booth, having just stupidly agreed to stay a moment longer.

I looked across the table at Ty and Candace, who were looking back with something akin to pity. This had turned into a shit show. I felt like I was in an animal petting zoo, but without the children to make it seem fun, instead of sad and cramped.

“Jess,” Ty said, “I’m sure things would be different if he didn’t have so much going on.”

Candace nodded adamantly as if to say, Yeah, it’s him, not you.

I hoped this was what emotional rock bottom felt like, or else it was going to be an incredible splat when I finally reached the end.

Adam slid into the booth on my left side, then Moose. William slid in on the opposite side, making Candace and I squish to the center next to each other. They were boxing me in.

Emotional torture, compliments of William. Physical torture, compliments of my dress. Winning pair.

William passed the glass of bubbles across the table, eyes focused on mine as if it was just the two of us on a romantic date. My stomach knotted.

“Thanks," I muttered, looking away as quickly as was polite, as two things happened.

One, Moose asked, “So what have you been doin’, Jessica? We not good enough?”

The second was Adam leaning into me for brotherly support. The connect gave me enough confidence to launch into what I had been up to, sprucing up the dull parts, which were most, and leaving out some bits, like the depression and the dating of idiots.

Everyone made comments throughout except William, who watched me silently. Something seemed to be eating away at him. I suspected it was me not falling all over him like normal—pulling away as best I could. Well-liked guys were like that; they didn’t want you until you moved on, then they had to have you. I’d been fooled by that a few times. As a poster child for all the women who were fooled by ass**les, I was finally learning my lesson! Trying, anyway.

The conversation switched to everyone else catching me up on what they had been up to as if I was an old friend just back from vacation. Even William shared. He was finding people to take his bulls around the rodeo circuits—they were headed to the big time after continually showing well. He was introducing new blood lines into his breeding, securing new bulls for that. He was taking over more of the family business. On and on.

After the table talked about bulls and riding them, in which Candace and I took a reprieve and talked about where I bought my dress, William directed the conversation back to me.

"So," he started, reaching directly into my soul with his blue eyes, "Gladis seems to be doing well. It surprised my mother how fond she is of you."

Was that a back handed compliment? Judges’ ruling... Annnnnnnd yes, yes it was.

"It surprised her? That I’m likable?" I was aiming for light and funny. It came across scorned and slightly bitter. Oops.

Adam leaned against me again. Moose looked like he wanted to wrap me up in a bear hug.

William's damn blank face. He looked back at me with the expression you might get from a whitewashed wall. I had an uncontrollable desire to cover that face with my drink.

"It surprised her, yes," he said after looking at me for a tense moment. "Since Gladis's husband died, she has been somewhat...recluse. Bitter. Her kids don't visit her much, being that they aren’t biological, of course, and she doesn't see many people anymore. You seem to have put the spark back into her. She couldn't stop talking about how great you were. Are. She seems to be your number one fan. Or one of ‘em, anyway."