Watching(25)

All the insecurities start flowing through my head.

If he did leave me because he got what he wanted, he is an asshole. I look at people entering and exiting rooms and I feel like the veil has lifted. I no longer want to stay here. I just want to get my dress and leave.

I head back to my room seeing my dress on the dining table, slipping it on, I hold my shoes in my hands and head back down. I want to do a quick getaway. Walking past everyone I walk to the receptionist, I feel like when I first saw her was days ago, not hours.

“Hi Angel, everything okay?” She asks me with a smile.

“Yeah, I’m leaving so here is my room key.” I pass it to her. “I don’t know what happened to the sheets of paper you gave me but they are here somewhere.”

“Is there a problem?”

“No, I just think I had enough for tonight.”

“Oh, you sure you don’t want to stay? This does carry on all weekend.”

“I’m sure, but thank you.”

“Would you like to leave an address so we can send out a membership form?” I think it over. I remember Violet saying I wouldn’t be able to afford it, so there’s no point.

“No thank you, I will see you later.” I walk away, not letting her have a chance to ask me anything else or to stay.

I walk past the bouncer like men to the end of the road, going through my bag for my phone, ready to call a taxi when I hear my name being called behind me, I turn to see Violet running after me.

“Violet what are you doing?” She holds onto my arms.

“Mindy told me you were leaving.”

“Mindy?”

“The receptionist.” Oh, that’s her name. “Why are you going? Did something happen?” I wonder how much I should tell her, or if I should say anything at all.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Thank you for inviting me, it has been life changing but I don’t think it’s really for me.”

“But it is you, you were in your element in there. You think you just enjoy watching people, being intimate with women, but you are so much more. You have varied tastes and this place can help you explore that.”

“I don’t know what you want from me.” I sigh.

“You. I like you, Angel. So, does Killian. We both want you, it’s more than sexual.” She pleads with me.

“Killian doesn’t want me,” I tell her.

“He does, trust me.”

“No trust me. He just fucked me and left me. Me still being tied up, blindfolded, feeling used and discarded, so trust me, he saw me as a challenge and I guess the fantasies didn’t meet up with the reality.” I see the shock in her eyes.

“I am sure there is a reason why Killian left.”

“But I’m not waiting around to found out why. Goodbye, Violet, it was really nice meeting you.” I kiss her lips softly before walking away from her until I am further up towards the end of the road and the mansion type place is a good distance away.

Calling for a taxi, I sit on the wall nearby, breathing in the fresh air. I also messaged Hannah telling her I am heading home, even though it's after three in the morning she is going to meet me there as she wants to know every detail.

When I go over everything in my head I feel like it’s a story from one of my books. I can’t believe I caved and slept with him. Well no not slept with, fucked. I let him fuck me. I feel so stupid. I did really like him.

In the short amount of time, I was around him, I really started to like him. He made me feel like a Goddess, wanted, safe, but I guess that was the point. Maybe he only enjoys fucking Violet because she is more into girls and sees her as a challenge.

The longer I sit here, the longer I start to feel angry at him.

When the taxi arrives, I climb in and I turn watching the place get smaller and smaller until I no longer see it. I am looking out the window when I feel my phone vibrate and see I have a message on Tinder.

Fuck Tinder.





Walking through my front door I take a sigh of relief of a bit of normality. Taking off my dress putting it in my wash basket, I walk to my room grabbing my comfy PJs and towel, heading to my shower, making sure its scolding hot before stepping in.

Leaning my head against the cold tiles, I close my eyes and images of everything I’ve seen tonight enters my mind. I shouldn’t have gone. It was all too much and now I feel so stupid and a little gutted.

Killian was the first guy I felt a connection with, emotionally as well as physical. Images of him walking into the bathroom and kissing me without a care in the world, him standing naked, his body pressed against mine.

I can feel the ache build between my thighs but I shake my head, getting rid of the sexual images of him. I wash my hair and scrub my body clean before stepping out, drying myself then getting into my warm, comfy PJs.

Grabbing a bottle of prosecco, the only wine I like and two glasses I head to the living room sitting on the couch putting on Friends as I pour myself a hefty glass. Taking a sip, I lean back, but my brain won’t shut off.

Five minutes of sitting there quietly, just staring into space, my door opens and walks in Hannah, taking her coat off showing off her own PJs.

“You need to tell me everything. Don’t miss anything out.” She pours herself a glass of wine and gets comfortable on the couch, her legs tucked under her, as she looks at me.