Stop Anxiety from Stopping You: The Breakthrough Program For Conquering Panic and Social Anxiety(12)

17. Overthinking


Problem: We have all been there. We start thinking about something, and pretty soon we are so consumed by weighing its pros and cons, we forget why we started to think about it to begin with! Overthinking leads to delayed decisions and avoidance. Most of us think we are solving a problem when we are actually overthinking. It helps to differentiate overthinking from problem-solving.



Solution: Problem-solving involves clearly defining your situation or dilemma in the present or the very near future, generating possible solutions (a, b, c, d, etc.), prioritizing them, and then selecting which one you will act upon first. Overthinking by contrast does not define the problem clearly, is not in the present, and generates solutions that are vague and based on “what-if ” scenarios. Because you cannot clearly define the problem, it is impossible to clearly outline solutions – and so it leaves you going in circles.





18. Emotional Reasoning


Problem: Emotional reasoning uses feelings as evidence of something being true. It sounds like this: “I feel bad about trying something new or anxiety-provoking, so I should not try because it is probably going to turn out badly;” or “I am so anxious, this must be a sign that something is wrong!”



Solution: The truth is, our internal wisdom is a combination of reasoning and listening to “gut feelings.” Ask yourself, aside from my feelings, what other evidence do I have that this is true?





19. Holding on to the Past


Problem: It can happen so quickly. We start to reminisce and the mistakes of our past come rushing back to us, flooding our brain and evoking strong emotions of regret, anger, or sadness. It all seems so clear now – what we should have done or said. It is the benefit of hindsight that seems to make things so clear. It offers us two opportunities, one for learning about ourselves, and one for blaming ourselves.



Solution: I believe that there is everything to be gained through learning about ourselves, and nothing to be gained by engaging in blaming ourselves. I am not saying that you should not take responsibility for your actions. Self-blame, in my opinion, is not about taking responsibility. It is about a silent ritual of reprimanding yourself without taking responsibility. It is in the learning aspect that you may decide that there is something you need to change or take responsibility for, something you wish to do differently next time. It is in the learning that we take action within ourselves, and by examining our behavior we can make decisions to act differently in the present and in the future.

What do you believe about your past? Do you believe the popular adage that “History is doomed to repeat itself ”? Is it something that is destiny, or can it merely serve as a starting point for today? If you have beliefs that tie you negatively to your past, take a look at them. Your past is your past and you cannot change it. The sole value of looking at it is that you can redefine what it means in the present. If you have had a history of struggling with panic or anxiety, it is often difficult to imagine a time when it will not be so. I invite you to imagine it anyway!

Ultimately, I believe that looking at the past is only useful if it allows us to live differently in the present; to live better, more fully, more authentically today. So, if there is something that you think is related to your current anxiety, look at how those instances in the past guide your thinking and behavior today.

Ask yourself: Are you reacting today the same way you did in another situation? Does it still fit? How would you like to react today? Is there something you need to say to yourself to let go of this prior way of responding? Give yourself permission to redefine, to forgive any past mistakes, and to let go. Allow yourself to experiment with and to experience a different way of being. Notice how this feels.





CHAPTER VI.





Understanding Panic





“Courage isn’t absence of fear, it is the awareness that

something else is important.” —Stephen R. Covey





Your beliefs are a result of your thoughts, so check in with them, because we tend to believe what we think, and we act on what we believe. Look over the following beliefs to see how much they apply to you.



1. I am Vulnerable.

This may come as a train of thoughts related to general vulnerability, “I take things to heart so I have to be more careful,” “Anxiety runs in my family so there is nothing I can do about it,” or “Some people can live life and take on a calm attitude, but I am just prone to overreacting.” The truth is that our beliefs are a byproduct of habits we have developed. If we say the same thing over and over to ourselves, we come to accept it as our reality.

The way we can change our habits is by adopting new ones. All we have to do is practice something different. Try changing the conversation in your mind to sound something like: “I am just as capable as anyone else at beating this anxiety or panic. Even though anxiety runs in my family, it is not destiny; I can still change the way that I respond to it. My past does not define what my future will be. If I want a calmer future, all I have to do is practice a set of anxiety management skills until they become my new habits.”



2. There is only so much anxiety or upsetting emotions that I can take.

This is a common myth –– that anxiety should be avoided because it will harm you and that you have to protect yourself in order to feel safe. There really is not an upper limit of what we can experience – it is just how we are built. We experience a range of emotions that run from mild to strong. All of our emotions are there for a reason, and strong emotions allow us to experience life in color – in more depth. Many of us have been taught that there are “good” and “bad” emotions. Although this belief is popular, it is untrue, and it leads us to feel shame and to judge our natural human responses. Try the following exercise.