Stop Anxiety from Stopping You: The Breakthrough Program For Conquering Panic and Social Anxiety(10)

If you are with people, try to describe your setting in the same manner. “I am in a meeting with Jack and Lisa. We are sitting in a café having a business lunch. The last thing I heard Jack talking about was the new merger. Lisa was discussing some strategies to safeguard the company and Jack was offering his thoughts.” You will notice that in a few minutes your attention is pulled back into the activity of your life, rather than towards anxiety. Notice any positive effects of this exercise.





5. All or None Thinking


Problem: All or none thinking is instrumental in raising your anxiety. It works by grouping things into distinct categories, such as anxious and non-anxious, panicked and calm. Of course, in the real world, anxiety and panic do not neatly fit into such strict categories. In fact, it is not desirable to have zero anxiety – it is probably a sign that you are not fully alive.



Solution: Anxiety is not an off/on equation; it is better to think of it in terms of a range. I encourage my clients to use a scale of one through ten, one being the lowest. Try to practice rating your anxiety three times a day for an entire week using this scale. Please notice the variations throughout the day.

When we are a little anxious, it can serve to warn us that there truly is something that requires our attention: a phone call that needs to be made, a bill that needs to be paid, or an appointment that we need to get to. At higher levels of anxiety, the ones that are at the levels of panic, we may be alerted that we need to slam on our car brakes to avoid an accident, or to jump out of the way of oncoming traffic as we are crossing the street. We rarely think of the advantages of our anxiety and how we truly need it, not only to function, but also to survive in our complex world. For these reasons, it is neither attainable nor desirable to wish for its absence. What is desirable and attainable, however, is learning to respond to it in a way that does not escalate it and that is beneficial to you.





6. Catastrophizing


Problem: Catastrophizing is a process by which you take a current thought and you churn it through a series of “what-if ” questions until it turns into the worst possible version of what could happen. For instance, you may think, “I feel some anxiety coming on, what if I have a panic attack when I go shopping? What if I need to get out of there quickly, without causing a commotion? I could pass out in the middle of the department store and cause an embarrassing scene. I’d better stay home today; it is going to be a miserable day.”



Solution: If you notice, the initial thought just had to do with some anxiety, but once it was added onto, it became a possibly harrowing experience – with the entire day being ruined. The reality is that most of us are unable to predict the future and we do so unreliably. If you are the exception, I hope that you are getting paid handsomely for it! Try catching yourself catastrophizing when you are anxious, and ask yourself what was the initial thought or event that bothered you. It will often seem much smaller in comparison, and you will be able to downsize your reaction accordingly by responding to the initial concern or situation.



7. I Cannot Take It Anymore!

Problem: Sometimes when we struggle with something for a long time, we feel worn down and defeated. We start getting depressed and feel deflated; we feel like we cannot take another moment of struggling. This,although natural to feel, is in essence agreeing to allow panic and anxiety to run your life. This is how panic wins and you continue to feel discouraged.



Solution: Put the white flag of defeat down; do not give up the good fight! You can take it. You have lasted this far and you now have a plan to manage it, so let’s start focusing on your strengths!





8. Blaming


Problem: Blaming can take several forms. We can blame ourselves, we can blame others, or we can blame a higher power. In general, I find blaming to be counterproductive.



Solution: You are not at fault for experiencing anxiety, you did not decide to have it, and you did nothing to “get” it. Blaming others offers us nowhere to go – we can only change and empower ourselves. Blaming a higher power is also counterproductive. We can choose to believe in a universal force that is punitive, or we can choose to believe in a benevolent power – the choice is yours! This brings us to the next thinking error – the “fair” universe fallacy.



9. The “Fair” Universe Fallacy

Problem: It is not a fair universe. It is not fair that you struggle with anxiety, and it is not fair that some people do not. That said, the imbalance in the universe is a philosophical problem. Our expectation that things ought to be fair is a thinking error. When we focus on it, we usually ignore the ways that the universe has been unfair in our favor.



Solution: If this is a problem for you, then try the following exercise.



Gifts From the Universe Exercise

Come up with a list of ways you have unfairly benefitted from the universe. For example, having the benefits of sight, hearing, unimpaired mobility, or excellent knowledge or ability in a certain area. Look over the list and see how you feel.

The ways that I have unfairly benefitted from the universe that are positive are:



1.________________________________

2.________________________________

3.________________________________

4.________________________________