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What did she want me to say? Admit to being better at everything just so she could run off crying? What did she care? I couldn’t act on it anyway. I’d always be a second-class citizen. I pushed the bitterness down quickly, surprised at how fast it had come up. “You have it all, Liv,” I said lightly, hoping that would placate her.

“I really don’t.”

I let it drop. I wasn’t going to discuss her heartsickness. Angus and I would each have given our right arms to train with Novak. It was funny how, after everything she’d been given, all our future leader seemed to want was Angus.

“Liv, what are you doing? Why are you driving so close to—” I broke off.

“I want you to point him out.” She sounded like she was trying to work something out in her head.

And then I realized she was the one, not Victoria, who’d been looking in my phone. “Turn around.” My voice expressed the dire need for us to turn the hell around.

Liv swung to a stop right across the street from the west parking lot and turned off the engine. I felt like if I moved, someone would notice us. Kids were trailing out into the festive Friday-afternoon atmosphere of the parking lot. John would be getting in his car right now, leaving for tennis. Already a few boys had noticed the Porsche and were pointing.

Liv had stopped talking and was watching me. I looked out the window, knowing exactly where he’d be. Liv followed my gaze. I saw Alex by John’s car, laughing about something. He and August were talking to someone—Reese, the girl who had been with John at the party the night of the fire. John would be joining them any moment.

“Do you see him?”

I started to panic, something in me never wanting her to see him. “Just drive!” I didn’t dare look again.

Liv didn’t move.

“Drive, goddammit!”

“Oh my God. Okay, okay, I’ll drive. Calm down.”

Liv restarted the car, the loud Porsche engine drawing attention. She pulled out, and I didn’t breathe until we had blended into traffic.

Why was she doing this? Did she hate me that much? Was she so jealous I was hanging out with Angus that she was actively trying to get me expelled from the group? That wasn’t the Liv I thought I knew.

I tried to compose myself. If it was Liv, not Victoria, who knew about John, maybe there was a way out of this. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes as Liv drove toward home. Eventually she was unable to help herself.

“Why won’t you say anything? You’re just going to sit there? Tell me about him,” she said encouragingly, as though she wanted to hear about a harmless crush.

“Have you told anyone yet?” I asked icily, rounding on her. Maybe there was still a chance and she was just being mean, trying to rub my face in my disgrace.

Liv froze at my tone. I had never spoken to her like that.

Her demeanor suddenly changed. “Why don’t you just say everything you want to say, Julia? You’ve clearly wanted to say something to me since the day Dad announced the groups.”

“What is wrong with you? Are you pissed I’m back? Do you feel guilty about something?” My tone implied she should. I couldn’t forget how she hadn’t tried to stop Novak from sending me away.

Stop talking, Julia.

Liv was so quiet, I glanced over. Her thick hair mostly hid the side of her face, but I could tell she was trying to control a temper she didn’t know she had. She lost the battle.

“I can’t believe you would fucking say that to me. You really think I’m a terrible person, don’t you?”

Whoa. “I’m sorry. I don’t, Liv. Not at all. You just have so much, and if anyone finds out about this, that’s it for me. I won’t be going with you.” I hoped I sounded placating.

“Don’t condescend to me, Julia.”

“Excuse me?”

“It was chance you were put in the other group. It wasn’t me who asked you to step aside. But since then you’ve acted differently toward me.”

Liv pulled through our gate and roared into the elevator. It began its descent. It was claustrophobic in the car within the elevator and I just wanted to get the hell out.

“You hate me,” Liv said.

“Liv, shut up. I love you more than I love anyone else.” It was true.

“Then you must resent the crap out of me. Why won’t you admit it? They had me replace you in everything you were better at.”

I had thought I had my feelings under control. It scared me how suddenly I saw red. And then the rush of it overtook me. “What do you want from me? I’ve given you everything. I’m sorry I can’t also give you Novak’s skills or Angus. You have never, for one single day, had to worry about anything. Let me tell you, I have worried every day of my life. If I was better at everything, it doesn’t even matter. You at least know who you are. Just let me go with the group, Liv. That’s all I want.”

The elevator landed gently in the undergound garage. Liv, in shock, remained motionless in the driver’s seat. I got out, slamming the car door and walking directly to my own car. I had to keep going. If I stopped, it would sink in that I’d completely alienated the person who held my future in her hands.



I had thought I was okay. I really had. I’d sworn to myself I would never do this, even though, lying in the dark, I’d planned it a hundred times.