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We didn’t talk about the past. Ever. This was most likely the only opportunity I would have for the rest of my life to ask him about my mother.

Instead I said, “I walked out as soon as they introduced themselves.”

The pinpoint pupils of his eyes reacted, but just barely. He waited for me to continue, but I stayed quiet. He said, “Those fuckers. Playing with a young girl like that. I’m sorry, Julia.” He paused again. This was beginning to feel a bit like a game of cat and mouse. Had he guessed what they had said to me? Would he think I believed them?

Without warning, Novak stood up as though the conversation was over. I was mostly relieved. I had gone this far without knowing a thing about her. It was the right thing to do, even though part of me felt like I’d missed my chance. What the FBI had said wasn’t true. There was no possible way. Novak wouldn’t be here today, let alone be the head of the entire family, if he had had a relationship with an outsider. Not to mention had a child he’d brought into the fold. No one could overcome that transgression.

I felt much better, the way I usually did after being near Novak. At this point I assumed I’d stay home and return to school tomorrow. So Novak shocked me when he said, “It’s not safe at your school. We’re bringing you back home, so to speak.”

“Back to St. Philip’s?” I was confused. It couldn’t be this easy.

Novak nodded.

“It won’t be for too much longer. Relocation is happening sooner rather than later.”

“What? When?” I sounded slightly panicked to my own ears.

Novak’s eyes looked surprised at my tone. “Everyone will find out the plan at the same time. And I’ll tell them then whether the plan is right for them.” So I wasn’t out of the woods.

I couldn’t get over it. That was it? After everything I’d been through, it was done, just like that?

“Don’t look so shocked, Julia. I think you learned your lesson. We’ve had enough of this business, don’t you think?” He gave me his glamorous smile. Then, sincerely, he said, “I’m proud of you. You’re extremely strong. Be worthy of your heritage, Julia, and you should have no problems going forward.” Putting his arm around me, he kissed the top of my head. He stood holding me like that for a moment while we looked out at the lake, both of us aware that soon enough we wouldn’t be seeing it again.

In that moment I felt loved. Eventually I walked with him back to the house. There was no question—I never wanted to disappoint him again.

I should have been ecstatic, like I’d just been let out of jail and unburdened from my mental prison as well. It was the oddest thing; maybe it was leftover shock. It was the only explanation I could come up with for why I was shaking all over.

Novak had almost reached a set of glass doors to the main house when he glanced at me. “Your sister especially will be excited to have you back at school. She’s very unhappy with us at the moment. Maybe you can explain to her that sometimes young love is destined to end badly.”





NOVEMBER





There was a moment when I wondered if I could just disappear and it wasn’t necessary to see John again. I purposely never left anything behind. I never returned texts or left voice mails, and I made sure no one ever took pictures of me. If I stayed away long enough, he could easily begin to feel like he’d made me up. For a week I focused on reintegrating myself, thrilled to be back in my family’s good graces. It was a risk to go near him at this point anyway.

I told Angus what happened—about reading John’s mind, letting it go unsaid that that was why I’d been with John. Angus was the one who told me I needed to see John in person, that I had to make sure it was handled.

I decided to do it almost two weeks after I’d left Austin High. Following months of heat, it was a freakishly cold fall day, and after the drive deep into Westlake Hills, I arrived at the tennis complex, beautiful with its canyon views and bordered by woods.

It was already dark at five thirty p.m. and the surrounding area immediately off the courts was in the shadows, away from the floodlights. I waited for him there. As much as I tried to separate myself from the task at hand, I felt my stomach drop when I saw him on the court.

I waited patiently. During a break, John walked over to a water fountain in a small wooden hut with an old school chalkboard people used to sign up for courts. He came back out, pausing at the base of the metal spectator stands tucked against the cedar trees where I sat. He was still breathing hard, staring at the court, planning to finish his opponent.

“He’s going to serve short to your backhand.”

He whipped around at the sound of my voice. I was in the shadows, in the top row of the stands, partially hidden. I stood up, situating myself deeper in the dark.

“Ford! Come on!” They were already calling him back. His heart was racing, but now it was from pure adrenaline.

John stood frozen in place. Being near him, I could tell he was having a hard time sleeping at night. John’s perceptions of his surroundings were different now that his world had changed to gray.

I’d been hoping his shock had turned to hate by now, knowing this would be easier if I couldn’t read him.

I carefully stepped down the rows and came to a standstill three steps above him. I’d transformed myself in a very short amount of time—hair cut short and dyed jet-black again.