Redemption(68)

Years later, that blessing was gone, but in this room were five more I hadn’t counted on. After I lost my son, I never imagined I’d have friends like the Ryanns, or a fiancé like Dan, much less two beautiful babies I had the honor of being a godparent to. My life had come full circle, a painful roundabout, but bittersweet. I missed Joshua every day, but each day got a little easier with people like this around to love me. Part of me regretted I’d never share this bond with Dan, that we wouldn’t ever have children of our own. But a bigger part of me was grateful I found a man, who for different reasons, wouldn’t pressure me into risking another human’s life. And, one I’d never have to admit to why I didn’t want to be a parent.

“Penny, are you okay?”

I wiped my tears and gave the three of them a bright smile. I was okay—I was going to make it.

We left the hospital with our friends’ daughter in tow and spent the next two days playing Mommy and Daddy to a little girl we adored. It was hard not to acknowledge how good the two of us were at this parenting gig together, but I’d remind myself, it was temporary. And other than going to the hospital, we didn’t leave the house. And with Dan there, I didn’t have to worry about Alissa’s safety.

It was driving the both of us insane, well, me really, that we hadn’t been privy to a name for this little boy. After two days, I anxiously awaited their arrival and that announcement. Brett had been close-lipped, not even telling Annie.

“You can’t assault them the moment they walk in the door, Penny.”

I gave him the death stare. He was full of crap if he thought they were getting past the foyer without giving over that information. “I’ve waited long enough. They can hand over a name, or I’m keeping their daughter.” My tone was playful, but I was serious.

When I heard the car pull into the driveway, I grabbed Alissa from Dan as a hostage and posted myself feet from the entrance to their house.

“Lissa…” Dan’s warning did nothing to divert my attention.

Before he could intervene, Annie came through the door with Brett at her heels with a baby carrier in his hand.

Annie roared with laughter. She thought this was cute. If it weren’t me, I would agree, but since it was, I refused to budge. My best friend held up her hands in surrender. “Grayson Cole Ryann.”

My mouth dropped, and my jaw came unhinged. She was right—her husband truly was a saint.

“It’s perfect, right? Somehow it heals the pain of loss, both Gray’s and the baby.”

It was never talked about, but Annie and Gray had expected a baby. They’d named him Cole before she miscarried. And her husband had paid respect to both lives in naming his own son. I didn’t know how he did it, but Brett healed her with that single gesture.





19





Chapter Nineteen





I’d spent most of the summer with Annie, Alissa, and Grayson while Dan and Brett worked. As my vacation neared its end, I got excited about returning to work. I couldn’t wait to be around my students again and the music. I dreaded seeing Rob, but hopefully, he’d be somewhat human now that some time had passed. I hadn’t heard from him in the time I’d been off except for the email he sent out to the department today about meetings over the next couple weeks.

It would be strange being away from the kids. Annie and I were more like co-mothers, with her taking the lead and the long nights. But I’d spent several of those with her as well. I knew how exhausting one infant was…I couldn’t leave her alone with two, and Brett still had to work. Maybe it was an excuse to feel like I was an important part of their lives and their team. Maybe it gave me a piece of what I’d lost years earlier. Either way, I found myself having to be pried away from them. When I told Annie to let me know if I got on her nerves, she’d laughed and shooed me away. I wanted to be a resource, not a nuisance.

Lying in bed after a hot bath, I curled into Dan who was watching Sports Center.

“At some point, we need to plan the wedding. You know that, right?” His voice rumbled with my ear pressed against his chest.

“What do you think about eloping? It worked for Annie and Brett.” I hadn’t mentioned my preference prior to this moment.

He nudged me up with his shoulder and pulled back to see my face.

“Seriously?”

I sat up, folding my legs under me Indian style. I’d put it off as long as I could, but surely, he recognized I didn’t have anyone to invite. We’d been together long enough for him to realize my only friends lived a hundred yards away.

“Seriously.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to have a wedding?”

Or maybe he didn’t realize it. “My side would be rather empty, don’t you think?” I didn’t mean to snap, but it hurt to know my entire life started over. There was no one beyond our neighbors who even cared if I took my next breath.

“What about your parents? Your friends back home?”

Clueless.

I let out a heavy sigh unsure how to address any of this. The simplest thing to do was acknowledge it…head-on. “I haven’t talked to my parents in years, and there are no friends besides Annie.” My embarrassment was tough to conceal. It wasn’t worth crying over. I’d done that ages ago. It was a truth Dan had to face.