Redemption(64)

I hopped up on the table just before Dr. Matthews and his nurse came in. He offered us both a friendly hello, but I wasn’t interested in pleasantries. The nurse helped me lie back while Annie took a seat. The moment I was in a supine position, a gush of water echoed through the room.

“Looks like we’re going to have a baby today.” The doctor’s announcement wasn’t one I received well.

“But I still have two more weeks.” I was adamant he had to be wrong.

“Two weeks or not, this little one is ready to meet the world.” He continued his exam, covered in what I now realized was amniotic fluid. “You’re four centimeters dilated.” He pulled off his rubber gloves, each one snapping at the end causing me to jump. “Are you guys still doing the home birth with Meegan?”

Thank God, Annie was able to speak. I was in shock. “That’s the plan.”

“I’ll have the nurse call her. Annie, you need to get Melissa home. Has Meegan given you instructions?”

I could only hope my obsessively organized friend had done more preparation than I had. I hadn’t so much as glanced at the instructions Meegan gave us other than to give Dan the list of things we needed to get. I assumed they were all sitting at the house along with the birthing pool, but I couldn’t swear to it.

I heard him tell Annie he would be on call if anything changed, and we came to the hospital, but beyond that I was useless. I got dressed in a fog and followed Annie like a lapdog out to the car.

Her tone indicated her apprehension when she called Dan. I was surprised her first call hadn’t been to Brett, but they were both in the same building, and I prayed Dan was the calmer of the two. Then she called Brett. Then Meegan.

When Annie turned the corner to our street, both Dan and Brett’s cars sat in their respective driveways. I didn’t know how either of them beat us here, but I certainly wasn’t going to complain. I knew I was safe if Dan was with me. He wouldn’t let anything happen to the baby or me, and all I could think about was getting to him. I made my way in the house without stopping to hear what Brett and Annie were doing. I needed to change. It was only shorts and a sports bra, but any modicum of modesty I could hold on to during this process was welcomed.

I paced the living room when Annie showed up. Delivery without pain medication wasn’t fun. I hadn’t even gone into active labor, and it was a struggle to stay upright through the contractions. When one hit just after Annie walked in the door, I bent over, hovering over my stomach with my hands on my knees. I closed my eyes and breathed through the pain, counting the beats of the contraction, trying to find the music in my body. Dan tried his best to comfort me, but the pain was relentless, and his touch went from consoling to irritating.

I knew the moment Meegan entered the room and Patchouli assaulted my nostrils. I loved the girl, but everything was an irritant right now…especially that musk. But I’d never been so grateful to one person. She issued orders to those three which forced them to leave the room to attend to her needs.

Her hand rested lightly on my rounded spine as the contraction began to subside. “The best thing you can do is keep moving until the next contraction hits and then breathe through it.”

I nodded my understanding knowing if I spoke, it wouldn’t be kind. The pain was excruciating.

Meegan got things in order and put them where I assumed she needed them to be. I didn’t care what she did as long as she didn’t talk to me and kept Brett and Dan from closing in. I thought she was crazy when she presented me with an inflated exercise ball, but it offered the most relief. Or maybe it was rolling around on it with Annie on the floor talking to me about nonsense to keep my mind occupied. Every time I whispered with even the slightest bit of discomfort Dan was on me like white on rice.

I got frustrated and snapped at him. “Dan, it’s childbirth. It’s going to fucking hurt.” I hadn’t meant to hurt his feelings, but breaking bones would have been less painful than what I was experiencing.

Annie tried to contain her amusement, but the coughing called attention to the shit-eating grin on her face.

“Just wait. Your turn’s coming soon. We’ll see how calm you and Brett are.” Dan’s bark was far worse than his bite, especially where Annie was concerned. I knew he felt helpless and couldn’t stand to see me in pain, but I couldn’t focus on his discomfort. The pressure between my legs had grown far too heavy to ignore anymore.

“I’m feeling kind of pushy.” I was grateful Meegan understood what I meant.

“Do you think you’re ready to get in the pool?”

I nodded to our midwife, and Dan helped me off the ball. He shielded me when I stepped out of my shorts and then helped me into the water in nothing but the sports bra. As painful as this process was, I knew if I insisted on a natural birth my chances of not landing in a hospital were far greater. Pain medication could slow labor, and the last thing I wanted was a reminder of Joshua’s death when giving Annie’s baby life. I acknowledged my lost son in my thoughts even if I hadn’t shared them with those around me. I accepted the agony as penance for what he’d gone through in his final minutes. Women had survived this process for centuries in fields and in nature—I could get through it in my home without narcotics.

Meegan routinely checked the heart beat to make sure the baby wasn’t in distress, but other than that, I was left to labor alone. The solitude, even with three people around me, was painful. God had orchestrated the moments for me to reflect on what I was doing and what I’d done, but I refused to cry. This had been so unlike Joshua’s delivery. Here, there hadn’t been anyone sticking their fingers inside me every sixty minutes, I wasn’t attached to monitors, and the comfort of my home helped ease the process.