Redemption(69)

“Surely, your parents would want to be at your wedding.” Confusion wasn’t a good look for Dan.

“My parents aren’t interested. I promise. If it’s a big deal to you, we can do a ceremony. I’d just hoped to avoid it.” I cast my eyes to the comforter and picked at it with my fingers.

His thumb lifted my chin. The moment I met his gaze, I saw the acceptance. “Okay, baby. Tell me what you want to do.” There was no animosity in his tone, no begrudging resignation—just peaceful understanding. These were the moments that demonstrated his unconditional love. Most men would have insisted on an explanation, but Dan never questioned it. Maybe he knew there was pain in the past. Or maybe he identified it with his own childhood.

“I just want to go to the courthouse.”

His brow furrowed in the middle as he searched my face. A warm, gentle smile turned the corners of his mouth up. “Then that’s what we’ll do. Pick a date, and we’ll go. Just me and you.”

“Monday.”

“As in five days from now?” Surprise lit up his features.

If he wanted to wait, he was going to have to tell me; otherwise, I wanted to move forward. Annie was christening the babies this weekend, so I wanted to wait until after that, but then it was all systems go. “Yep.”

“Alright, Monday it is.”

He grabbed my hand from my lap and pulled me across his body. I straddled his waist to maintain my balance just as he nudged his excitement into my stomach. When he kissed me, the thoughts of my past life fled from my mind, and I was captivated by the way his mouth took mine. Our tongues danced in an unhurried pace, and his hands roamed my body. Under my tank top, and beneath the elastic of my shorts, his fingers tickled my senses and aroused my hunger. When he dug into the underside of my butt, he pulled me up on his erection and then eased me back down—his need clearly matching my own. My panties were uncomfortable as the wetness penetrated them. I rolled off him without breaking our kiss, and he turned to his side. Somehow the two of us shed our clothes simultaneously while still exploring the other. Divested of our cumbersome clothing, Dan pulled my knee across his waist and opened me up for his entrance. My back arched, and my head fell with the penetration. Glorious, pain met pleasure, as I adjusted to his girth, and he rocked into me.

He buried his head in my neck and growled out a low moan. The palm of his hand found the back of my head, and he gripped my hair, tugging slightly as he used the embrace for leverage to roll in and out. I dug my heel into his firm cheek, encouraging his depth. It didn’t take me long to cry my release and have him follow shortly after.

We laid wrapped up in the other’s arms in silence. Our chests heaved until our breath stabilized. When I finally got up to go to the restroom and clean up, he called through the door. I couldn’t make out the words and asked him what he’d said when I came back in the room.

“You’d make a great mom.” My heart stopped. The warm rag in my hand fell to the ground, and I’m sure my face was stark white.

“W-what?”

“I’ve just watched how you are with Grayson and Alissa. I know how much you love them. You’d make a great mom.”

I couldn’t tell if he was probing me or making an honest observation, at least from his perspective. Clearly, if he knew the truth, he’d never utter those words or anything close to them.

“I do love them.” I picked up the washcloth I’d dropped and handed it to him when I made it back to the bed. I hoped he hadn’t seen the shock on my face, but it would have been hard to miss. “But that doesn’t mean I’d be any good at having my own. It’s far easier to enjoy something you don’t have the responsibility for.” I started to ramble. “It’s like having a pool. Everyone loves to swim. But nobody wants to test chemicals and clean the liner.”

I avoided eye contact as I got under the covers.

“Children are nothing like a pool, Lissa.” He laughed as he spoke.

“You know what I mean.” Once my head hit the pillow beside him, I dared to look his direction. “What’s up with all the talk of kids recently? Are you changing your mind?” It dawned on me. “Or are you worried I’m changing mine?”

He shrugged but didn’t look away. “Just an observation. Have you changed your mind?”

“Nope. You?”

He shook his head firmly and turned off the light by the bed. We laid there in silence for quite some time before he kissed me goodnight and pulled me into him. I felt Cosmo join us on my side of the bed and hoped Dan didn’t wake up with a swollen face. The allergy shots had done wonders, but he still tended to have adverse reactions if he touched the cat and then his face.

“Love you, Penny.”

“I love you, too.”

The night cast a glow around the room the way only moonlight could. Once my eyes had adjusted, it was easy to see the objects around me. Dan’s breathing evened out, and I knew I was alone with my thoughts. I never dreamed I’d have to make a decision about covering up my past, but I wondered if he needed to know the truth before we tied the knot. Neither of us had any desire for kids, and we’d agreed countless times the past was best left alone…but maybe that didn’t apply here. I couldn’t find a reason for his knowing. I justified in my mind he was better off without the information. There was no part of his life that would benefit from the horror of my past. I’d made peace with it, at least as much as I was able to, and it didn’t need to haunt him, too.