Only Child(70)

“Are you having a good time at Aunt Mary’s?” Daddy asked.

I looked at Aunt Mary. She was standing in the tiny kitchen, and she gave me a little smile.

“Yes,” I said.

“I’m going to give you two some time,” Aunt Mary said, and went in her bedroom. I didn’t want her to do that. I wanted her to stay.

“Buddy, I…I have to talk to you about something,” Daddy said, and his knee from the right leg went up and down fast a million times.

I could tell it wasn’t something good he was going to talk about. It was going to be bad. My stomach started to hurt.

“It’s…when you come back home, when your sleepover with Aunt Mary is finished, tomorrow maybe, so when you come home, I’m not going to be there.” Daddy talked fast, and the words were coming out stumbly.

“Where are you going to be, at work?” I asked, and I didn’t know why he came to tell me that, because he always goes to work.

“No. I mean, yes, during the day I will be at work, but I’m not coming home after work either. I’m not going to be…at the house for a while.” Daddy’s knee was going up and down very fast. It made me dizzy to watch it and it bothered me, and I wanted to tell him to stop moving his leg like that.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Your mother…Mommy and I decided that it would be better if…if I don’t live with you for the time being,” Daddy said. The whole time he didn’t look at me, but he stared at his own jiggly leg. I wondered if he wanted it to stop moving, too, but maybe he couldn’t figure out how to make it stop.

“You’re not going to live with us anymore?” I asked. The hurting in my stomach got so bad that it made tears get into my eyes.

“No. At least not for now,” Daddy said.

“Ouch.” I grabbed my belly with both of my hands and tried to squeeze the hurting with them.

“I’m so sorry, buddy. I know that must be confusing for you,” Daddy said. He looked at me holding my belly, and he scooched closer and put his arm around me.

“No!” I said, kind of loud. I felt the mad feeling pounce on me, and it made me jump off the couch. “Why are you not going to live at home with me and Mommy anymore? Why would it be better? That is not better!”

Daddy tried to hold my hand, but I pulled it away hard. My whole body was shaking from the mad feeling, and I was hot and tight all over.

“I know you’re upset…,” Daddy started to say.

“It’s because of the thunderstorms, isn’t it?” I yelled.

“Thunderstorms? I’m not sure I…What do you mean?” Daddy asked.

“All the fighting between you and Mommy, all the thunderstorms you’re making all the time.”

Daddy stared at me, and he said in a quiet voice, “Yes. Yes, that is why.”

“Then why do you have to fight all the time? Why don’t you just stop it?” I yelled. Hot, mad tears were all over my face now.

“It’s not…that easy,” Daddy said.

“It’s because Mommy got poked with a stick like the snake,” I said. “And now she’s doing all the stupid interviews, and she’s not even nice anymore. I hate her! I hate her and I hate you!” I said that I hated Mommy and Daddy a lot of times. I yelled it out loud, and it made me feel better a little. Daddy’s face looked very sad, and that made me feel better, too.

I never said “I hate you” to anyone before. Andy used to say it to Mommy all the time, and Daddy sometimes, and I could see it hurt their feelings a lot, especially Mommy. I got mad at Andy for doing that, and now I did it and now I know why Andy used to do it. It felt good.

Daddy tried to hold my hand again and he tried to pull me closer to him. He was still sitting on the couch and I was standing up, so we had almost the same tallness. Daddy used both of his hands to wipe the tears off my face. New ones came out, and he wiped them off. New ones came out again, and he wiped them off again. We did that for a while.

“It’s not only the interviews and all that,” Daddy said. “It’s…Mommy and I have to figure some things out, and we can’t do that while we live together. I’m not going to be far. You’re still going to see me all the time, I promise.”

My mad feeling started to go away a little, and then of course the sad feeling came, like always. “I want to go with you. I don’t want to stay home with just Mommy. I want you!”

Daddy let out a long breath and it touched my face and it didn’t smell good. His breath smelled old. I took a step back and moved my head to the side to get some fresh air.

“That’s not going to work, buddy,” Daddy said.

“Why not?” I asked.

“I still have to go to work and…Mommy…we decided this would be the best for everyone right now.” Daddy’s words were stumbly again.

“You don’t want me. I shared my space with you, in my hideout. I let you come in there with me, and now you’re leaving. You don’t even want to stay with me!” I shouted.

“That’s not true,” Daddy said. “I love you very much. I’m…so so sorry.” Daddy tried to hug me, and his beard hurt my face.

I tried to get out of the hug, but Daddy was holding me tight and it hurt my back. I said in a loud voice, “Let go of me!”