Only Child(74)

I didn’t know why people were still saying that to us. That happened two months ago that Andy died, but people were still saying “I’m sorry” and “My condolences” to us. It was like at New Year’s. Sometimes when you didn’t see people at New Year’s, but then you see them a while later or even a long time later, people still say “Happy New Year!” even though the new year started like a long time ago.

“Thank you,” Daddy said. “This is my mother. And my sister-in-law.”

Grandma and Aunt Mary also did handshakes with Mrs. Stella.

“Here, did you get a hope and support pin yet?” Mrs. Stella said, and she gave us each a white pin that was shiny and looked like a ribbon, but it was metal. Daddy helped me put mine on my jacket. I touched the ribbon with my fingers—it was cold and smooth.

“Make sure you get a balloon at the end of the ceremony. We are going to release them all together to remember…your brother and the others. Won’t that be lovely?” Mrs. Stella said to me.

Aunt Mary gave me a look like “Uh, no?” and it made me smile, so I looked down at my feet fast.

I looked around to see where Mommy was. I spotted her on the other side of the blacktop talking to Juliette’s mom from the survivors’ group. Behind them was the fence from the playground, and on it were big pictures. I noticed it was pictures of all the people who got killed from the gunman. In front of the pictures were white flowers, and in the middle was a stand with a microphone. I tried to look around all the people to find Andy’s picture, but someone was probably standing in front of it. I couldn’t see it. But I saw Ricky’s picture. It was right next to the microphone. And next to Ricky’s was a smaller picture of Ricky’s mom, because she was dead now, too.

Mr. Stanley walked behind the microphone. “Good morning, everyone,” he said, and the microphone made a loud squeaky sound that hurt my ears. Mr. Stanley turned some round switches on a speaker next to the microphone. “Is that better?” he asked, and it was better.

“We’re about ready to begin. May I ask everyone to come on up closer to join us?” He waved to the people who were still standing on the grass and the driveway. People came walking over and the news people came closer, too. Everyone pushed closer to the front and it got too crowded. And I couldn’t see Mr. Stanley and Mommy anymore because the grown-ups in front of me were too tall.

“As you all know, today marks the two-month anniversary of the terrible tragedy here at McKinley that took nineteen lives, the lives of our family members, friends, and colleagues,” I heard Mr. Stanley’s voice say over the microphone. “I would like to begin our memorial service with a minute of silence to remember each and every one of them.” Then it was quiet and I saw everyone around me had their heads down and their eyes closed. I didn’t know what they were doing. I looked at Daddy and he gave me a little wink.

Then Mr. Stanley did a speech, and he talked about all the people who died from the gunman, and he said the names. When he said Andy’s name, Daddy squeezed my hand inside my glove. My feet were starting to feel cold inside my shoes. After he said everyone’s names, Mr. Stanley said he was now going to turn over the microphone to Mayor Rudy Murray who was going to say a few words also. A different voice that was very low started talking. The mayor is the boss of the city and I wanted to see what he looked like.

“Can you pick me up, Daddy?” Daddy picked me up under my armpits and held me up. The mayor had on a black suit and a red tie, and he didn’t have a lot of hair on his head, only around the back. He was very tall, even taller than Mr. Stanley, so he was bending down to talk into the microphone. That way you could see that the top of his head was shiny and he looked like a regular person, not like the boss of a whole city.

I looked over to where Mommy was standing, and I saw Mimi was standing next to her now. Mommy wasn’t looking at the mayor doing his speech, but she was looking the other way, behind us. When I turned my head to see what she was looking at, I saw Charlie’s wife was standing on the grass, a little bit away from everyone else. Just then Daddy put me back down on the ground.

I pulled Daddy’s sleeve, so he would bring his head down to me, and I whispered in his ear, “Charlie’s wife came, too.”

Daddy stood back up and looked behind us, and then he looked over to where Mommy was standing. He closed his eyes and said, “Crap!”

The mayor kept doing his speech in the microphone, but then I noticed that a lot of people started turning their heads and started whispering, and some people moved to the side, and that made us even more smushed.

Then I heard Mommy’s voice. “Mary!” she said very loud. There were more people moving around, and when I heard Mommy’s voice again, it wasn’t coming from the front where she was standing earlier, but it was moving to the back to where Charlie’s wife was.

“Mary!” Mommy yelled again. “How dare you show up here!”

“Good heavens,” I heard Grandma say behind me.

The mayor was still talking, but his voice got quieter and then he stopped. Everyone was now turned around looking behind us. I still couldn’t see anything, so I tried to push through the people to get to the back where I heard Mommy’s voice.

I saw Mommy and Charlie’s wife standing on the grass with some space between them, and they were staring at each other, and it looked like they were going to have a fight right in the middle of the grass, where everyone was going to see.