Only Child(71)

“For Christ’s sake, I said I was sorry!” Daddy yelled, and he pushed me away. I had to sit down hard on the coffee table. Daddy stood up and now I was sitting and he was standing and we did not have the same tallness anymore.

Aunt Mary came out of the bedroom and looked at Daddy in a mad way. “All right, I think that’s quite enough,” she said, and I never heard Aunt Mary say something in a mad way before. Her and Daddy stared at each other, and then Daddy took a step back and sat back down on the couch.

“I have to go, Zach,” he said, and his voice wasn’t loud anymore. It sounded tired and slow. “Can you look at me?” But I didn’t. “I’m very sorry you’re so…upset. I’m going to see you very soon. OK?” I didn’t say anything back and it was quiet for a little while.

“OK, I’m going then….” Daddy got up and walked to the door. My eyes wanted to follow him, but I didn’t let them. I heard the door open. “Bye, Zach,” Daddy said, and I still didn’t say anything and I still didn’t look over, and that was really hard to do. Then I heard the click from when the door closed. I sat still for a little while longer, but then all of a sudden I didn’t want Daddy to leave after all. I jumped up and I ran to the door and yelled, “Wait, Daddy, wait!” But the hallway was empty and Daddy was gone.





[ 41 ]


    Stupid Soup


AUNT MARY TOOK ME back home in her car, and when she parked in front of our house, I had a feeling like I didn’t want to go home again. I didn’t want to be home with only Mommy there, and Daddy wasn’t going to come home after work.

“I want to stay at your house and have more sleepovers with you,” I told Aunt Mary when she started to get out of the car.

Aunt Mary kept her car door opened, but she turned around and looked at me. “I know, monkey, and you definitely can, soon. But not today, OK? Your mom’s inside waiting for you, so let’s get you inside, all right?” I still didn’t want to go in, but Aunt Mary got out of the car and went around to open my car door. She held her hand out and I took it. She didn’t let go of my hand all the way to the front door.

Before we even pressed the doorbell button, the door opened up and Mommy came out. She looked very tired, like how Daddy looked when he came to Aunt Mary’s apartment yesterday. She did a sad smile when she looked at me, and she opened her arms for a hug, so I went one step to her and Mommy hugged me, but I was still holding on to Aunt Mary’s hand. I didn’t want to let go of her hand.

“Thank you, Mary,” Mommy said, and then Aunt Mary let go of my hand.

“All right. You’re welcome,” Aunt Mary said, and she started to walk down the porch steps and to the walkway to go back to her car, but then she turned back around. “Hey, Zach, you can call me, OK? Give me a call if…when you feel like it, all right?” Then she got in her car and left. My throat started to hurt and tears came in my eyes.

“OK, sweetie, I’m glad you’re home. I was lonely without you,” Mommy said. “I made you dinner. Turkey soup with noodles, from the leftovers. You liked that last year, remember?” I didn’t say anything because of my throat. “Let’s go inside. It’s freezing out here,” Mommy said.

We sat down in the kitchen with our bowls, and the soup smelled yummy, but I didn’t eat it. Mommy rubbed my back with her hand. “Come on, Zach, eat your soup. It’s really good.”

I picked up my spoon and I moved the turkey bits around with it, but I still didn’t take a bite.

“I know this is all confusing for you, buddy. It’s all…complicated now. Right?” Mommy asked, and she kept rubbing my back. It felt good and tears came back in my eyes. “Hey, listen, I want to talk to you about something. Remember when we talked about Dr. Byrne and that it might be a good idea for you to talk to him?” Mommy said.

I sat up straight when she said that. “But you said we don’t have to decide it right now. I said sorry,” I said, and my voice came out squeaky, probably from my throat hurting so badly.

“Sweetie, please try not to get so worked up about this. You’ve had a lot…you’ve been through a lot. I think that…Dr. Byrne could really help you, talking about your feelings….That’s a good thing,” Mommy said.

“NO!” I said, and now my voice came out louder and not so squeaky anymore. “I don’t want to go there. I want to…When is Daddy coming home?”

“He’s not…coming home for now. He explained that to you, right?” Mommy asked, and she smiled at me, but it looked like a fake smile a little. Her voice sounded different from her regular voice, too, like it was fake friendly.

“Yes,” I said.

“Good. OK. You will still see him. He will come…pick you up on Friday, so you can do something fun…or something. OK?”

But it wasn’t OK, and I didn’t want to wait until Friday to see Daddy and that was going to be five more days. I didn’t want to be home for five days with just Mommy.

“I want to go stay with Daddy,” I told Mommy, and her fake smile went away. “I want to stay with Daddy and then you can pick me up on Friday.”

Mommy looked at me and her eyes got small. “Zach, I know you’re upset right now. I’m upset, too, and this is not my…It’s not how I want things to be either. But I’m trying to help you here, I’m trying to…I’m taking you to see Dr. Byrne, and that’s only to help you. OK? Can you eat your soup, please? It’s good, and it was a lot of work for Mommy to make it for you. So can you eat it, please?”