Happily Ever Awkward (The H.E.A. Files, #1)(63)
Which just goes to show, there’s no such thing as a wise Ogre.
“It was you,” Jack said.
Captain Head noticed the distinctive arrowhead in Jack’s hand and smirked, which is to say, his steam-shovel jaw took on a lopsided tilt and grated rather irritatingly when he spoke. “What better way to get revenge on the man who cut me real head from me shoulders? Just gave him a piece a’ me mind, I did. Even you oughta be able to appreciate the irony in that.” He flipped the patch back down. “Now get ready to kiss yer blowhole goodbye!”
Jack’s face suddenly became as serious as granite, which is obviously quite serious, as any person who has ever attempted to negotiate with an avalanche of granite can attest. He tucked the arrowhead under his tunic and assumed a granite-hard combat stance, which was also quite serious. He looked like a hero made of very serious granite.
Jack’s sudden resolve gave Captain Head pause. The two adversaries stared at each other for a long moment, then Jack charged down the stairs and their blades rang against each other.
The final duel between iron and granite had begun.
51
JUST A SCRATCH
The relentless onslaught of the Fear-Warrior’s four sword arms battered Paul like a hurricane of reaper’s sickles.
“You fool!” it roared. “You cannot conquer Fear — I am eternal!”
It smashed all four arms down upon Paul’s head at the same time. Paul managed to block the attack, catching the four blades on the edge of his Singing Sword, but the force of the combined blows drove him to his knees.
“I am defeat!” the Fear-Warrior rumbled as it tried to crush Paul beneath the weight of its blades.
Beyond the shadow-armored monster, Paul glimpsed a flicker of light rising above the edge of the roof. Chancing a second glance, he realized the flicker he’d seen was actually the Flicker.
Indulge me in one additional bit of time travel. I promise it will be brief.
Just moments before, Flicker had finished her battle with the Zombies down in the torture chamber, but she was far from satisfied. Looking for another fight to get into — or at least something else that could be vandalized — she and the rest of her gang flew from the hole in the side of the Shadowkeep and made their way toward the sound of swords.
I told you it would be quick.
Flicker locked eyes with Paul.
“I am death!” the Fear-Warrior proclaimed.
The prince swung his gaze from Flicker to the Fear-Warrior as if his eyes were a mace. “And I’m not scared of you anymore,” he growled. “Flicker! Sword!”
Flicker hurled her saber. Just like her knives had done, the miniature weapon grew as it boomeranged through the air until it smacked, full-sized, into Paul’s free hand.
Shoving the Fear-Warrior’s sword arms away with his Singing Sword, Paul wheeled about, sweeping Flicker’s saber in a ferocious arc that shattered all four of Fear’s blades in one heroic stroke.
The Fear-Warrior staggered back. “Your fears… gone?!”
The beast collapsed. At first Paul thought it had simply lost its balance and dropped to its knees, but then he realized its legs were gone… and its hips, too. The torso and neck and all the rest were soon to follow as the foul creature dissolved away into a puddle of bubbling black ooze.
“Now it’s time to be scared of me,” Paul said.
At last! This is the Paul you paid your money to read about!
…
…Um…
…I…
Oh, how embarrassing.
How completely unprofessional!
I allowed my emotions to overwhelm me and I sounded no better than a common Story Gnome.
Please, please, pardon that.
I must confess, I’ve always had a soft spot for Paul deep down in my index, but that’s no excuse for me to read between my own lines.
I am your Book.
You are my reader.
I provide the words.
You provide the soul.
Please, continue reading. I promise I will leave the rest of the emotional interpretation up to you.
“Help me!” Princess Luscious screamed.
Paul realized something about her voice didn’t sound right — besides the screaming, that is. Her voice hadn’t come from the sacrifice platform.
It had come from beneath it.
Spinning toward the scream, Paul saw the lengths of chain stretched tight and swaying below the platform. Princess Luscious dangled from her shackles at the very bottom of the chains, hanging well below the level of the Shadowkeep’s roof, upon which Paul stood. Seeboth and Laura hung within loops of chain higher up, but already Seeboth had untangled himself and started shimmying down toward the princess. And still he carried the Judgment Blade sheathed within its terrible cocoon of green lightning.
Without hesitation, Paul sprinted to the edge of the Shadowkeep’s roof and hurled himself into open space. For a moment, even the Singing Sword held its breath, for Paul’s trajectory had far more to do with exuberance than it did with accuracy. Fortunately, he had aimed his exuberance with just enough accuracy to catch the chains on their backward swing. He collided with Seeboth and clutched the back of the wizard’s robe.