Happily Ever Awkward (The H.E.A. Files, #1)(58)
“Well, this looks familiar,” Jack said.
The lead Zombie, a strapping fellow with larger, less decayed muscles than the rest, craned his head forward and bellowed like a Dragon. For a dead creature without working lungs, it was quite impressive.
All together, the line of pirates roared a battle cry. It, too, was quite impressive, effectively communicating their blood lust.
Surrounded and outnumbered, Paul, Laura, and Jack flinched. There was no way to brace for what was about to come, so they just flinched. Jeremy simply stood by, resigned as always.
“This is definitely gonna sting,” Jack muttered.
The lead Zombie lunged forward—
THUNK!
THUNK!
THUNK!
THUNK!
THUNK!
Five knives suddenly thunked into its side, dropping it to the floor!
All heads turned as one toward the breach in the wall. At first they saw nothing. Then they looked down.
There they saw Flicker, Warlord of the Fierce Flitterlings, standing framed by the full moon and looking impressive enough to warrant her own line of collectible figures. She arched an eyebrow at Paul.
“Is there a problem here, my lord? We do have our interests to protect.”
Blink the Poxie suddenly darted over her head and sounded a charge.
With that, the entire gang of Fierce Flitterlings surged through the gap in the wall and collided with the Zombies in a grand collision of flaring wings, flashing blades, and snarling teeth.
In the initial moment of confusion, Jack jumped forward and grabbed a sword from the hands of a distracted pirate.
“Hey,” said the pirate, “that’s me sword!” Then he pointed at Jack’s head and said, “And that’s me hat!”
Taking full advantage of the chaos, Jack plunged into the midst of the pirates, his sword whirling around him. The startled pirates momentarily fell back, opening a path through the arch.
“Go get the princess!” Jack said. “I’ll hold them here!”
Laura grabbed Paul’s hand and pulled him through the gap toward the archway. Paul followed her, pausing just long enough to clap Jack on the shoulder in thanks before racing up the coil of stairs beyond the arch.
Alone, Jack faced the pirates with a grim smile on his lips as he swished his sword through the air. “Okay, who wants some of this wrath…”
Unfortunately for Jack, the momentary distraction of the Flitterlings — which had made him feel ten feet tall and sword-proof — had passed. The pirates closed their ranks, blocked the archway once more, and charged him.
Realizing his tactical mistake, Jack stumbled backward and fled among the skirmishing Flitterlings and Zombies.
He passed Flicker as the warlord easily dispatched three Zombies herself using nothing but a lethal combination of punching, kicking, and flying. As Jack went screaming by, he had to admit it was quite beautiful — part dance, part hummingbird, part bone-breaking pain.
Jack scrambled over a pile of rubble, nearly stumbling over someone’s hand, and his passage dislodged a cascade of gravel. It hissed across a leather breastplate.
Demog’s chest.
Jack was too busy running to notice that one of Demog’s brass buckles had broken loose, not that Jack would have understood the significance of such a thing anyway. He also didn’t notice that something inside Demog’s chest cavity had begun slamming itself against the leather armor as if it were trying to escape.
Jack especially didn’t notice when the second buckle popped open.
45
NOT AGAIN
Seeboth could barely look at Princess Luscious, so brightly did she glow. Squinting his eyes and pulling his cowl down low, he picked up his fallen sword — still glowing green under a jittery sleeve of magical energy — and made his way toward the altar.
“What’s happening to me?!” Princess Luscious shrieked from the heart of the inferno.
“In a moment you shall explode with the force of a billion suns!” Seeboth cried exuberantly. “But it won’t hurt much, my love. I promise.”
He raised Judgment over his head.
“Stop!” Paul and Laura yelled together as they bounded onto the platform and faced the terrible ball of light on the altar.
Seeboth looked at them quizzically. “Why aren’t you dead?”
“Luscious! Are… are you in there?” Laura called, ignoring the dark wizard completely. “Are you all right?!”
Princess Luscious could see nothing but vague shapes through her cocoon of light, but she most definitely recognized the voice of her handmaiden. “Laura?! Laura, help me! Please!”
Paul marched toward Seeboth and began reciting his lines. “Unhand her, knave!”
“‘Knave’?” Seeboth rolled the word around in his mouth as if it tasted of bad fish. “How original.”
He gestured with Judgment and levitated Paul, just as he had done to Laura on that first night in Theandrea. “But, if you’ll excuse me, I have a world to unmake and a god to become, so give my regards to the ground!”
He gestured again and Paul started to fly from the platform.
“No!” Laura wanted to cry, but then her racing mind thought of something much better to say. “Fiat… Fiat Oblivytum!”
A flash of green light circled Paul and severed whatever magic held him aloft. He crashed to the platform and skidded to the edge.