Happily Ever Awkward (The H.E.A. Files, #1)(53)

The cannonballs, which we left in the air just a moment ago, all proceeded to sail past the Sphinx, whereupon they detonated plumes of water on every side. Although they failed to make a mark on the ship, the barrage made a definite impression upon Jack.

He finally turned around and saw the terrifying bow of the Bloody Vengeance looming over the Sphinx, and he saw the pirates scrambling to realign their angle of attack. They would not miss a second time, and he knew it.

Spinning back to the helm, he shoved the special ornate lever forward and banked toward the dock. The jaw of the Sphinx masthead splashed open and began to swallow the foul water of the lagoon. The paws of the Sphinx began to stroke at full speed. The Sargasso Sphinx surged ahead, but not nearly fast enough.

“Jack! Get out of there!” Paul yelled. “They’ve got your range!”

Jack glanced back and found himself staring straight down the black-eyed barrels of every single cannon.

“Oh, ox dung,” he said.

He sprinted forward.

All the cannons fired at once.

Jack bounded from the helm across the deck.

The first of the cannonballs slammed into the back of the Sphinx, splintering the ship in a series of explosions that ripped forward through the hull.

Jack dodged past the mainmast.

The rain of cannonballs chewed through the deck and snapped the mast like a twig.

Jack raced ahead of the destruction and flung himself from the ship’s figurehead.

The final cannonball blasted the head of the Sphinx apart in a ball of fire and wooden Sphinx teeth.

The explosion launched Jack through the air and sent him skipping across the surface of the lagoon like a smooth, flat stone.

Worrt the Demon, still only inches tall and clinging desperately to Jack’s shoulder in the hopes of riding out the turbulence, lost his grip with the first impact and toppled unnoticed into the water.

Jack’s momentum propelled him all the way to the beach. Rolling onto the sand, he looked back just in time to see the Bloody Vengeance barrel through the burning wreckage of the Sphinx. Shock and grief paralyzed him.

“First Sir Whitethorne, now they got you too…” he whispered. A tear glimmered in his eye.

Before it could fall, Paul heaved Jack to his feet. “Come on! We’ve got to get to cover!”

Together, the two of them scurried up the beach as more cannon blasts punctuated the sand all around them and bloodthirsty pirates began launching longboats toward shore.

Paul and Jack raced blindly into the cavern under the tower and leaped up a stone staircase along the back wall— —at which point the legion of red-eyed defense-system Zombies spilled onto the landing ahead of them, which should come as no surprise since we took the time earlier to set up their arrival.

Paul skittered to a stop and shoved Jack back down the stairs. Unfazed by the overwhelming odds, the Singing Sword cranked up its ballad to accompany their retreat.



Wait! Charge up those stairs,

Break down that door,

Time to be a mighty hero,

Time to even up the score!

Raise your voice and shout

Your mighty challenge to the sky:

You tried to kill me, Seeboth,

But you’re about to be surprised!

I’m still alive,

I’ve been revived,

Because I fight for what is right

You’d better run, you’d better hide,

There are some damsels to be saved,

And there are wizards to be slayed.

This Prince Charming has arrived

And this time he’s here to stay!



When they reached the mouth of the cavern, they were faced with a difficult dilemma.

Ahead of them, a legion of pirates swarmed up the beach toward them.

Behind them, a horde of Zombies shambled down the stairs at them.

Jack looked at Paul and said very matter-of-factly, “I think this is gonna sting a little.”





38



THE SPELL OF THE BLUE IRIS


Oblivious to everything transpiring one hundred stories below, Seeboth stood beside the altar and traced glowing green runes with the Judgment Blade — runes that hovered and hummed in the air — as he began to chant.



“Septim regis rictus sour,



Sacred blade receive my power!”





The floating runes slithered around the blade until Judgment crackled with a web of green lightning. Up to that point, the heavy, razor-sharp blade had looked dangerous enough, but now it looked absolutely terrifying. Princess Luscious flinched at the sight of it.

Seeboth noticed her concern and quickly said, “Don’t be afraid, my sweet. It’s not as bad as it looks. The Judgment Blade was the only weapon strong and pure enough to hold the necessary enchantment, but I just need to scratch you with it. That’s all.”

She said nothing, just stared up at him with her big, beautiful blue eyes.

“What,” Seeboth said.

She continued to stare with those eyes. Those perfect blue eyes.

Seeboth wiped his nose self-consciously. “What?” he repeated.

“Nothing,” she said.

But still she stared. He couldn’t understand how he could find something so beautiful to be so unbearably uncomfortable.

“What is it?” he finally demanded.