Confessions of a Curious Bookseller(46)
Fawn, Owner
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Jan 30, 2019 at 9:24 AM
To: Twain Estates
Subject: Counteroffer?
To the estate of Mark Twain:
Regarding my proposition, as I have not heard from you, I will take it as a sign that 10 percent is not enough. I will raise it to an even 15 percent but can go no higher, as I am the one with the product and wish to see some profit from this.
Please reply shortly as my patience is wearing thin.
Best wishes,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a The Adventures of Tom Sawyer specialist store)
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Jan 30, 2019 at 10:43 AM
To: Mark Nilsen
Subject: Grumpy Mug Sign
I was walking by today on my way from Missy’s Co-op and saw to my dismay that the sign for your business is dangerously close to the fire escape that hangs suspended just above your first floor. In the event of a fire, whoever was on the second floor would find themselves in dire circumstances indeed, since your sign seems to impede the extension of the fire escape stairway. I highly recommend that you deal with this situation posthaste before I am forced to inform the police of this safety violation. Please know that I am thinking of your customers and you, not trying to undermine your business by encouraging you to take down your lovely store sign.
Have a beautiful day,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a The Adventures of Tom Sawyer specialist store)
From: Mark Nilsen
Sent: Wed, Jan 30, 2019 at 11:02 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Grumpy Mug Sign
Hi Fawn,
Wow, thank you so much for letting me know about that. I never even noticed it. I think it would only be fair if I let you know that there seem to be no exit signs in your store. That could be an issue if a similar emergency occurs.
Thanks again!
Mark
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Jan 30, 2019 at 11:12 AM
To: Mark Nilsen
Re: Grumpy Mug Sign
Dear Mark,
You are most welcome! And let me thank you for bringing the exit sign issue to my attention. I am surprised that you have been in my store long enough to notice this and find it worrisome. I have been operating for twenty years and not a single person has pointed out the lack of a back door exit sign, nor have I been fined. That happens when you are a neighborhood staple—people tend to overlook things because they are so focused on the contents of the store and not the safety.
Thanking you ever so much for the input,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a The Adventures of Tom Sawyer specialist store)
phillysmallbiz.com
Wed, Jan 30, 2019
Top Review—The Curious Cat Book Emporium
Okay, so I went into this store to look for a book for my niece’s birthday (I am a regular customer) and this time I noticed that the store has taken on a weird dank smell, particularly toward the back. Also, why is there cat hair all over the books all of a sudden? It never used to be this bad. I don’t want to go to the Grumpy Mug, but I might have to start.
Please get the cat and filth situation figured out STAT.
—Tamara J.
phillysmallbiz.com
Wed, Jan 30, 2019
Dear Tamara J.,
Since you say you are one of my most loyal customers (though I’ve never met you, I’ll take your word for it), I will accept your criticism of the layout with the utmost sensitivity. I apologize if you find the cleanliness questionable. The smell in the back is from a leaky pipe where black mold has been collecting for years, and seeing how I have been here for twenty years and have not yet dropped dead from it, I doubt you will do the same. In regard to the animal fur on the books, I also apologize. Butterscotch likes to tuck himself between the books and sleep on the shelves. I always found it a rather charming hobby of his. Nevertheless, I will have you know that my customers’ comfort (especially regular ones, as you claim to be), are paramount. That is why I have stopped allowing Butterscotch his usual happiness and no longer allow him to sit on the shelves with the books. Even though you are in here for only ten minutes and he is in here all day, every day, it is much more important that you are more comfortable because you are a human being—an accepted double standard that we, as business owners and pet parents, adhere to.
Today, for example, he was tucked away in the self-help section, so I took it upon myself to pull a chair up to the shelf, stand on top and, balancing carefully on uneven flooring, reach my arms out to extract him. He would not be moved. He has been declawed so he cannot scratch, but he has spent so many years bludgeoning animals that his little fists are like boxing gloves. He hissed at me and turned around in place, knocking down about five books. I tried again, this time successfully grabbing him. With cat in arms, I turned to step off the chair, but the leg slipped along the uneven flooring and the chair went completely upright. I flew, Butterscotch howling and twisting in the air above me, and I landed hard on my back. I will have you know that I have previous back problems. Butterscotch landed on his feet and took off while I remained on the floor with the wind knocked out of me, waiting for one of my employees to find me, though no one seemed to hear the crash or the cat’s howling. A book landed open, covering my face like a paper tent. The book was aptly titled Finding Happiness. Well, I must say that a nosebleed, and not happiness, is what I found in that moment. I remained on the floor for thirty minutes, regaining my breath and slowly moving each limb to check for paralysis or a broken back. I was happy to find out that nothing too serious befell me. On the floor, surrounded by my self-help books, listening to my employees move around on the first floor below me, I thought for some time about all the sacrifices I’ve made for this store. I have cut family from my life and only see them once a year for funerals. Friends are rare, as I do not have time for them. This place is my life; this is who I am. As I lay on the floor like a soldier wounded on the battlefield, fighting for his country, I realized that I had just done the same for you, Tamara. The difference is, I do not get a medal for my hard work. I do not get recognition of any kind for running a small used bookstore. I am the ultimate sacrificial lamb, and I will fight for my cause, my store, my life. So please, return and take back what you said about never coming back again until we “get the cat and filth situation figured out.” As you can see, I do my very best every time—more, I’m sure, than my competitor down the block.