Confessions of a Curious Bookseller(51)
<LOCATED IN WEST PHILADELPHIA>
PHILLY LOVE FINDER
Butterscotch,
These photographs are the most vivacious and unique I’ve seen on here by far. I’m intrigued! My eye is drawn, admittedly, because I’m a bit of a photographer. I mostly dabble in modeling photos, but I do some weddings on the side for money.
What are the things on the parasol? Some of them look a little phallic, so I have to ask where the heck you got something like that.
Would you like to have a drink sometime?
Capitan_Murphy
PHILLY LOVE FINDER
Dear Capitan_Murphy,
Thank you for your interest in my profile. I appreciate your feedback on the photography work. What kind of camera do you use? I run into so many photographers that say they would like to take more modeling photos, but I imagine it is difficult to find attractive people who are also good in front of the lens. As you can tell, I was a little shy in these, and the camera never lies! I was also distressed, as I had hoped to use my pink boa for most of them, but the dog in the studio ate it when we were all taking a break.
The parasol was a gift from my mother when I was a little girl. The figures thereon are of sea life such as seals, whales, and squid. I understand that the squid may look like something lewd, but that is not the intention of the parasol manufacturers nor my own. I do not want to give anyone the wrong impression, so I will take the parasol photos down. Thank you for your concern with this.
Incidentally, it has been some years (count ten) since I have been intimate with a man, which is fine with me. No doubt my married sister may be able to claim the same thing. Ha! However, due to this my mind rarely goes to these sensitive places where I would be so astute and perhaps lewd enough to see what a squid looks like at a certain angle.
I enjoy going to bars, though I haven’t been to one in over a year. I would be interested in going to one with you, I believe. When and where?
Are you really a captain?
Fondly,
Butterscotch
From: Scott Farmer
Sent: Wed, Feb 6, 2019 at 9:32 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: Job Posting
Hi Fawn,
I hope this finds you well. As you will see on my résumé, I have been in the Philadelphia theater scene for many years after moving here from Toronto. I have experience in television (soap opera), Shakespearean theater, and my passion, improv, with which I have been involved these past ten years.
What is the nature of the work?
Many thanks,
Scott
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Feb 6, 2019 at 11:35 AM
To: Scott Farmer
Re: Job Posting
Dear Scott,
Thank you for your interest. This is an unconventional request, and so your work in Shakespeare and soap opera is rather unnecessary, however impressive. I am most interested in your work with the local improv companies, with which you have been working for ten years.
Long story short, if you were to take this job, it would be a monthlong gig wherein you would be acting as a member of the estate of Mark Twain inside a bookshop. You will simply sit behind a desk and sign copies of old Mark Twain books for twelve-hour shifts wherein you will be given two half-hour breaks. Housing is available if needed. Pay is negotiable, but for each book signed you will get a 5 percent profit. And these books are not cheap. Additionally, you will receive a flat $200 stipend for the month.
Hope this lights your fire. Please let me know if interested ASAP.
Thank you,
Fawn
P.S. Are you recognizable in the community? It would be better if you were an unknown so as not to accidentally get recognized by someone, thereby ruining the illusion.
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Feb 7, 2019 at 7:05 AM
To: Angela Washington
Subject: Please Help
Dear Angela,
I have been reported in the PSB classifieds as a scam and have been taken down. How do I fix this?
Thank you,
Fawn, Owner
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Feb 7, 2019 at 7:11 AM
To: Scott Farmer
Re: Job Posting
Dear Scott,
Did you report me to PSB classifieds as a scam? If so, I believe you are mistaken, as I am not. Furthermore, I will no longer need your services, as I was able to hire an excellent New York City actor who doesn’t demonize unorthodox artistic projects.
Best wishes,
Fawn
From: Keith Vandetty
Sent: Thu, Feb 7, 2019 at 9:07 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: Job Posting
Fawn,
My buddy Scott told me about this ad. I’d be interested in this, but I need to know more about it. Sounds a bit ethically and morally questionable.
Keith
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Feb 7, 2019 at 9:50 AM
To: Keith Vandetty
Re: Job Posting
Dear Keith,
Thank you for your interest; however, I must assure you that there is nothing questionable going on here. You may even feign ignorance and say very little as you sit at the desk, as far as I’m concerned. You need only to stamp some books, sign a false name (last name should be Clemens), and when people ask if you really are from the estate, you need only to nod politely in their direction. If it helps, think of it as simply helping out a local bookstore owner whose profits have sunk to an all-time low (at no fault of her own).