Confessions of a Curious Bookseller(56)
Thank you.
Fawn Birchill/CuriousCatBooks/5m
Fawn here. Missing #Butterscotch, my cat. Ran off after #Mark Twain #Event. If seen please post or email me. Tan cat, declawed, friendly. Please help.
THE CURIOUS CAT BOOK EMPORIUM
Blog Post #3
Butterscotch Is Missing!
Fawn was planning to write a fun and lighthearted entry for Valentine’s Day but will have to postpone due to unforeseen circumstances. Instead, she will write a profile of her beloved cat, Butterscotch, to heighten the community’s awareness of his recent disappearance.
Name: Butterscotch
Color: A milky blondish-orange with faint cream-colored stripes
Appearance: He has the face of a little lamb and big brown eyes. He is quite small in size. He is declawed by a previous owner and so, if wandering the streets, has NO WAY OF DEFENDING HIMSELF. No fleas or worms!
Personality: The sweetest cat to ever walk the earth—wouldn’t hurt another being in a million years (except the occasional mouse)
Favorite Toy: A raggedy squirrel with catnip housed inside its belly
Favorite Show: Downton Abbey (He likes the dog in the opening credits, and each time it appears in a scene he stares fixedly as if reconnecting with a long-lost friend.)
Favorite Foods: Hot dogs, tuna, and candle wax
Went missing on February 8 in the Clark Park area of West Philadelphia. Please, if you are reading this, keep an eye out for him. He is no doubt malnourished, cold, and frightened.
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Mon, Feb 11, 2019 at 5:00 PM
To: Staff
Subject: Today
Dear Staff,
For those advance ticket holders that didn’t show up at the event on the ninth but are requesting a refund, please grant them this. We are ceasing discounts on the Mark Twain books.
If anyone sees Butterscotch, tell me immediately.
Fawn, Owner
PHILLY LOVE FINDER
Dear Capitan_Murphy,
I am going to have to postpone our date tonight due to unforeseen events in my family. My dearest younger brother has gone missing, and the family is banding together with authorities to search for him. I am sorry, but my life has become wrapped up in this quest, and so I must decline until he is found. He is very adventurous and often hitchhikes and climbs bridges without any rope, so any number of things could have happened to him. I wouldn’t say he willfully ran off, as he and I are about the closest two siblings the world has seen. Needless to say, I am up night and day and in no shape to participate in small talk and niceties. Thank you for your interest and patience in this matter.
Best,
Butterscotch
February 16, 2019
I have lost the will to date. My Philly Love Finder profile is down until Butterscotch is found.
Phillysmallbiz.com did an article on my Mark Twain book sale. They were there incognito the very first night of the mayhem, and they have recently published a terrible review and a false representation of my store. I’ve picked out some choice quotes: “The shop smells like a stable, and one can hear mice in the walls, even over the owner’s incessant chatter.” “Most of the books are marked up, moth-eaten, and stained with god-knows-what on the pages.” “The books are well organized, but the selection is limited, as one will find five copies of The Sound and the Fury and no copies of As I Lay Dying.” “The Mark Twain Room looks as if a tornado blew through. All of this, on top of the fact that the guest of the night failed to show, is a testament to Ms. Birchill’s disorganization and overall lack of planning. Thankfully, the Grumpy Mug Bookstop was holding its event next door, offering an unwitting haven for the disappointed customers. . .”
Need I go on? If this reviewer bothered to run a store of her own for five minutes, she’d see it’s no walk in the park and would think twice about publishing this tactless slop. Needless to say, since then customer numbers have further decreased.
I must engage in some damage control. I did not want to go to war with the Grumpy Mug, but I fear that I have been given no choice in the matter. For the past day and a half I haven’t left my bed, but I can certainly strategize from here. I am distracted, however, by the many negative reviews on PSB, and I can’t keep up in replying to them. I have a collection of saltine cracker remnants in the folds of the sheets, and last night I kept rolling on their sharp little edges. I keep finding bits of cracker in my hair and in the wrinkles of my nightclothes. Sometimes I smell my breath in disbelief of how bad it’s gotten in a little over twenty-four hours. It’s nice to still be able to surprise myself these days. Besides saltines, I have been living off sliced American cheese and dry Frosted Flakes. I don’t want to drink very much because that means going to the bathroom and looking in the mirror. Butterscotch going missing only exacerbates the situation. I haven’t cried. I think the state I am in is beyond tears. What I feel is a deep hurt that goes down into the bones. It is despair and ennui. It is as if a great hot wave has come down over me, dragging me out to sea. But I will not be dragged into obscurity, marooned, or otherwise vanquished by that bearded nobody. If he wants to steal my customers, he won’t get them without some serious repercussions. Clearly, it is a war that he is asking for, and I am more than willing to give it to him.
From: Mark Nilsen
Sent: Mon, Feb 18, 2019 at 3:04 PM